𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗡𝗼𝘄 🤍

•𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶'𝘀 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻•

•🍂•

Nikki's POV, 3rd March 2008

When Vince left at ten o'clock last night and left me alone once again the thought of Tommy invaded my head almost instantly, it's something I had to make a decision on, and I had to make that choice now, it was now or never before I lost Tommy forever.

Last night I couldn't sleep, I just couldn't stop thinking about Tommy, and for the entirety of today I also couldn't stop thinking about Tommy.

It was tough, so incredibly tough to try and overcome the mental barriers I'd put in place and I ended up failing, I couldn't go to him and ruin everything I just couldn't, I couldn't take that risk with a clear head... so it slowly became real to me that I really did need something else to help me out to making this choice.

I wasn't thinking straight and was so desperate to end my misery in the end this morning I went out and brought a bottle of Jack Daniels, went straight back home into my bedroom and sat drinking it running through my options and what I could do.

The sober part of me despised what I was doing, I was throwing away my sobriety because I was too scared of being a fuck up but I blocked that voice out telling myself this will be worth it.

Just under half the bottle went before I had enough courage to do what needed to be done, which was good because if it'd been the whole bottle I'd definitely been unable to talk, but half a bottle was good, more than good and got me off my ass and into my car.

It's currently 1:30pm, and that's where we are, that leads up to why I'm sat in my car outside Tommy's house right now.

Maybe it was the alcohol that brought me here... maybe it was the fact I still loved him... a mix of both most likely, but all I knew is that I wanted this. It'll be awkward tomorrow and sober me will hate this decision but for right now, I don't care- I need him.

Although I wasn't as nervous being here when buzzed, I still had a little bit of anxiety turning up out the blue especially after our last encounter with the coffee.

Those feelings needed to be pushed aside, right now I just wanted to get to that front door and get fucked by the man I love. I don't know why I wanted that but I do, I may as well go all out seems as I'm here.

This time instead of driving away, I took the keys completely out of the ignition, choosing to do this now and got out of the car shutting the door and locking up, walking up the driveway, my heart picking up ever so slightly in pace but the alcohol in my system stopped me from turning back, I had to do this, I've been avoiding this for too long,

It's strange being back here, I've only been here a handful of times since we broke up and I haven't been inside the house since that day, this was like Déjà Vu.

I approached the front door and knocked on the door as loudly as I could, taking a deep breath after I do so trying to stop the sober part of my brain away from my alcohol given confidence.

It didn't take long before I saw the silhouette of Tommy through the frosted glass of the door, I heard the lock click then the door slowly opened revealing the drummer, when he saw it was me stood on his doorstep he froze and his eyes widened "Nikki? What-.... what the hell are you doing here?"