𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗡𝗼𝘄 🤍

•𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗢𝗿 𝗙𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁•

•🍂•

Nikki's POV, 4th March 2008

Like I'd predicted waking up really early the next morning filled me with so much self hatred for allowing myself to come here... but I couldn't find it in me to regret being here because Tommy is still the one thing I couldn't ever truly regret even if I think I'm not worthy of his love.

I'd woken up first, and was just laying facing Tommy with my eyebrows furrowed, trying to tell myself not to leave, I can't run, I can't... that's not fair but god did I want too, I just wanted to leave and pretend this never happened.

I'm only going to mess everything up again, I can't do that to Tommy, but I can't bring myself to get up and go home. Love is a bitch.

I'm not sure how long I was laid here thinking on whether to stay or go, but eventually I ran out of time to discreetly get out of here because inevitably Tommy began to regain consciousness.

I didn't want to tell him I wanted to leave, that this was a mistake, that this was always going to be a bad idea for him, loving me has always been a bad idea.

Tommy woke up and met my eyes almost immediately, when he saw I was already awake he smiled but then he saw the expression on my face and the smile faded a little and he instantly knew what I was thinking "You wanna leave don't you?"

"I'd be lying if I say no" I mumble.

"Do you regret yesterday?"

"Do you?"

He shook his head "No, I couldn't even if I wanted to"

"I don't regret yesterday either" I revealed to him whether he already knew that or not.

"What does that mean, Nik? You don't regret sleeping with me but you wanna get the fuck outta here? What do you want to do? What are we meant to do now?" Tommy wondered to me with a raised eyebrow "Are you expecting us to just go back to being friends? Because I don't think I can do that again"

I sighed "I don't know... coming here was a mistake, doing this was a mistake... I just missed you... I miss waking up next to you, I miss our mindless midnight chats... it just got to me yesterday and the alcohol didn't help but that was kinda the point, I couldn't fight my feelings for you, it was inevitably gonna happen but I've fucked everything... I know"

Tommy smiled a little pulling me closer to him "No, you haven't... Nikki if I didn't want this then you wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have let us do this if I didn't want it... you're not the only one who's struggled, I miss you too... more than I ever thought I would, it's been ten years and I still miss having you here"

"You mean that...? Cause I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me"

"Haven't you leant by now but that nothing you could ever do would make me hate you?" Tom tells me softly, placing some of my hair behind my ear.

"You promise?"

"I promise" he assured "Look, I really love you, Nikki... I never stopped, I know you know that... you don't have to say it back but just know I love you"

I sighed and closed my eyes hearing that, saying back "I want too but I'm not ready to say that yet... we broke up for a reason and as stupid as that reason was I'm still not over it... I still don't think I'm good enough for you, so I'm not ready to say it back"