Book 1: Oh love, how could I forget~ (Lance Stroll)

Chapter 66: Saudade

"No! Get off me!" Lily shakes off Lance's hold and was about to walk out the door when it hit her.
Why should she runaway. Why should she be the one to escape. Why should she be the one to remove herself again from everything. So she stops, turns around and walks back.

"Get out" she says to the girl.
"What?! Excuse me??!"
Lance was a bit cautious and asked her to go outside but the girl was resisting.
"Get the fuck out! Now!" Lily was getting angry and it showed.
"Fine!" the girl walks out and slams the door close

"Lily... let me explain please.. hear me out"
"Fine.. go ahead"
It was a response that Lance didn't expect but he took the chance.

"When you left, I tried to find you. I really did but I couldn't and after a month I... I went back to going to clubs.. It was hard not to think about you and so I drank.. I drank whenever I can just so I couldn't think about you that much... I went back to my old ways.. I tried to forget you.. I tried to move on but I couldn't even if I slept with other girls I just couldn't"

Hearing Lance explain how he went around sleeping with other girls but it didn't meant anything. Lily's anger grew. She got angry at herself. She blamed everything on herself. He was single at that time. She was too. She has gotten angrier at herself for not understanding that they weren't even together that time.

But.. that girl.. has a baby.. with Lance.

"She's atleast 3-5 months pregnant! What bullshit are you saying right now! She couldn't have gotten pregnant in one go!"
"I swear Lily! It was just a one night stand nothing else!"
"Were you seeing her even when we met again??"
"No! No Lily please.. please believe me! It was just a one time thing I promise"

Lily pauses for a bit and slightly remembers the arguing earlier hearing about the dna test

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice softens
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings"
"Hurt my feelings?"
"I wasn't sure if it is really mine too so I asked for a DNA test last week then—"
"Last week??"
Lance stops and realizes his tongue slipped
"You knew this since last week and you didn't even bother telling me??"
"Wha.. What was I supposed to say Lily? If it wasn't my child then it was unnecessary for you to know"
"Is that why you were acting weird last week??"
"Everything with us has been going great and I didn't want to lose any of that! I didn't want to lose you again!"
"And what if it was? Shit. It is huh? What were you going to do then? Hide it from me??"
"We can still be together Lily"
"LANCE THAT'S A FREAKING BABY. YOUR CHILD!"
"We can still be together please Lily. I love you. You're the only one I love"
"And what?? Let that baby grow up without family??! How can you put this responsibility on me when you fucked this up??"
"I'm sorry.. I can raise the child with my family. Me and her... don't need to be together. Lily please I need you. You're the only one I want"
Lance holds both of Lily's hands begging her to stay.

"No Lance. This.. this.. this is all too much.. you.."
All emotions came in rushing to Lily. She was so angry at Lance, at what was happening and at herself. So angry that she started to tear up.
She couldn't stop it.
She couldn't do anything about it.

Tears falling down her face as she tries to wrap her head around everything.

She looks at Lance with such a pain in her heart. She didn't know what to do. She didn't expect any of this.
"I— I just uh.." heavy breathing came back to her and her cold hands starting to shake.

She holds her elbows and shrugs.
"Uh.. I.. I can't do this Lance.. I.."
"Lily please.. I'll do anything.. anything to be with you.."
"Lance.. I can't.. right now.. everything's just.."

Lily was at her limit.
She never has been straight forward when it came to her relationships. She was always left there alone. She never engages into arguing because she was afraid of her partner leaving her.. but this time she tried.

"I need more time Lance..." Lily says as she walks away and opens the door. She sees the pregnant girl again. There to remind her that it was his child.

She walks away wiping her tears.

She was feeling dizzy as she tried to get out of the hotel.
"Where to?" the cab driver asks
"Some other hotel please.." she says as she quietly heard her heart beats. She looks outside and just let her tears fall.

She couldn't explain what she was feeling at all.

Great. The cab driver led her to their hotel, where Ferrari was. She sighs and pays the fare.
She quickly wipes her tears, afraid that someone she knows might see her.

She walked around and sees a park near the hotel. She sits on the bench for a while as she tries to puzzle herself back together.

"Lily?" She hears a familiar voice
"Lily are you okay?" She turns around and sees Seb
"Seb?" She didn't know what it was but her tears burst out again.
"Lily.. what happened?" Seb gives her a hug as she cries her heart out.
"Let it all go" he softly says as he pats her back

After some time she stops crying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks
"Uh.." she didn't know how to begin. She was a bit exhausted from all the crying she did.
"Is it about your relationship? With Lance?"
"How'd you.."
"Know? I have my own observations"
"He.. he's going to be a father"
"You're pregnant?"
"No.. no.. with another girl"
"Oh sorry.. how'd that happen?"

Lily starts to tell Seb what happened earlier and asked him what would he do.

"It is different for all of us Lily. I know it's hard. Love can all help us through. Love has always been kind. If you think you can do this, then you are a brave and kind woman. If you don't want to, that is okay too. Nobody says you have to accept the responsibility of raising a child that is not your blood. You are young and It is your decision. You can love him with all your heart but you will have to accept the child as a part of him now... or you can also let him go and let him create a family with the child's mother"

It was straight to the point and it struck her heart so bad. She already knew this stuff but hearing it from someone else what was she needed.

She loves Lance. There was no doubt about that.
It wasn't a matter of how much she does. It was the fact that she couldn't let the baby grow up away from his mother and if she was even fit to be the baby's step mother. All of these thoughts were so hard on her. She had her principles and growing up with a complete traditional family, she just couldn't fathom the thought of the child growing with a single parent.

She didn't want to leave Lance. She didn't want anyone to get hurt. She didn't want to make a decision but she had to.