Everything's Not Okay

A Monster

A monster

I am a monster

A horrible horrible monster

and yet

I can't stop

It makes no sense, none at all

I should be disgusted with myself

I am disgusted by myself

Every single damn time I do it, I want to kill myself

I should kill myself, but I can't

If mom can do it then why can't I? Why was she able to do it and be happy? How come she got the life she wanted and I didn't and it should be her fault but it's not. It never is. It's been years, years of repetition. Years of wondering what I'm doing wrong, why am I even doing this it does nothing. I gain nothing, he surely doesn't.

It doesn't matter anymore, this is all pointless

God is there anything in this kitchen

The knocking continues. I almost forgot.

I grasp the sink and push myself off the floor. I look down at myself. Good I'm wearing clothes.

I stumble on my way to the door. Everything is blurry though it's my fault for not wearing my glasses. my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault

"Mr. Kaminari, are you there?" The voice seems awfully familiar, but I can't remember why. Must be someone else, he's calling me Kaminari. I am not a Kaminari.

"W-who is it?" I open my door slightly. It wasn't locked, it's not like it ever is.

"It's Pro Hero Eraserhead. I'm sure you remember me?" I flinch back at the name. A Pro? In this side of the town, why?

"What are you doing here? I don't know why you came, but I paid my bills this month. You can't take me away for something that I did do." I try to close the door, but he stops it with his hand. My hands freeze on the stop and I slowly back away from the door.

"No I'm not here for you Mr. Kaminari. I'm here for a student of mine, your son." He opens the door, walks through, and closes it behind him.

"B-but son? N-no that can't be right because Haru he's homeschooled, maybe the twins b-but they go to the same place and the blond one, Sumie no she's a girl that would be daug-" I trip over my feet and fall on my bottom. When I look up again he looks evil. A demon right in front of me. Just towering over.

"Denki. Kaminari Denki."

"Denki? N-no why? He was... I thought he was with you? At the dorms." I look around the house instead of him. H-he's terrifying.

"Yes but he had ran away last night. No one has seen him since." He looks away for a moment. He's looking in the kitchen. "We assumed he would come back home." He lets out a frustrated sigh. My eyebrows furrow. They thought he would want to come home?

"Home? He wouldn't come back to this place. Why would he come back here? HE HATES IT HERE, HE HATES ME!" I yell at him. I can feel my breathing pick up. I want to go somewhere else.

"Kaminari-"

"That's not my name, I don't deserve it. So refrain from using it." I shakily get up from the ground. I hug my arms as I stare at the man in front of me from the corner of my eye.