Everything's Not Okay

Just Talk

"So Ethan, what have you been learning about with Mr. Sho and Lin? Anything fun?" I held up Ethan while he was on my back. He kept lightly kicking his legs while his arms were wrapped loosely around my neck. Sometimes when he feels like it he'd just rest his head on my shoulder, but the majority of the time he keeps it up.

"All about trucks and cars!" His head pops up from my shoulder in excitement. He lets go to pat my shoulder a few times before linking them back together.

His joy definitely puts me in a better mood, so I laugh a bit.

"Like those right there?" I tilt my head in the direction of the moving cars on the road since my hands are occupied with holding him up. I can't see Ethan's face to see his reaction, but I'm guessing he's surprised since he goes quiet before answering.

"No no, too big. Car is small." He says quieter than before. He moves his hands in front of me and opens out one of his palms and points to it with the other hand. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to look at it, which was fine since it's not a busy town. I stare at it for a while before it processes. Does he think that the drawings in the books he was learning from are the literal sizes of cars?

"No, Ethan. Cars are big." I argue with him.

"No. Small." And he argues back. I laugh at it though. He spends too much time with Mr. Sho. I mean it's not like he has anywhere else to go, but still.

"Do you want to go inside of one?" I walk over towards to road and stopping right in front of it. I hope he can get a better look at them from here. I would've guessed that he'd shout and point at them like any other kid his age, but he does something else instead.

"No please." He whispers before resting his head back down on my shoulder, facing the opposite direction from the cars. I take a look at him from the corner of my eye then back at the cars. He's not upset just visibly uninterested and uncomfortable. Is he? Is Ethan afraid of cars? Even though that's going to lead to some problems, it's kind of adorable in a way.

"If you say so." I shrug and move farther away from road. His head is still resting on my shoulder so I'd just take that as him not wanting to talk. He did just finish his lessons today and Mr. Sho wanted me to get him tired, so I guess this is a good thing.

I really like this town, it's much more quieter than mine. I don't know if that's because of the busy streets or how dangerous it can be sometimes. But this one has a different feeling to it, much more cozy than home. Though I wouldn't trade the library for the world, even if Aiko is redecorating it from it's old vintage look. Which reminds me I should text her soon. She's been more worried of me lately. I keep getting half cooked pasta stuffed down my throat. It's only because Toshi is recovering and can't make sure that Aiko actually tries the food before giving it to others. Didn't I originally come here for his medicine?

I'm pretty sure Shinsou said something about this being his hometown. Today isn't a school day so maybe I'd randomly bump into him. I wish.

Even though he's acting as if he's half asleep, I'm still going to bring Ethan to the park. I think it'd be fun for him to play with the swings and the slides, maybe even meet and play with some other kids there too. That's what you were supposed to do with the kids, but you just got them injured in the end. It'll be good for him to socialize with kids his age rather than adults and a random teenager. Without it, he'd grow up to be socially distant and that just doesn't fit his personality.

There are so many things going on right now and I don't even know if I fully process half of them. I have so many questions about everything. Why did this happen? Could it have been different? None of the kids deserve what had happened to them in their past or anything right now. The only one that seems happy and content is Ethan and even then this isn't the right place for him to grow up. He needs educational help and so much more.