Everything's Not Okay

You Liar

"I'm sorry sir, but to purchase any medicine form this pharmacy you would need a prescription with the doctor's signature or have your doctor notify the pharmacy in advance of your visit via call." The lady at the front desk just sighs before readjusting her glasses. I can see it in her eyes. That's the look they always give me too. She's disappointed isn't she? I mean she has no reason not to be. I've gone to the doctor's before, I should know these kinds of things by now. Maybe if I actually listened to what the doctor had told me in the past then I wouldn't be stuck in this situation. Maybe if you weren't so stupid you would've just gotten the right amount of medication before and wouldn't be needing refills so early. Right, this is my fault again. I should've been smarter and realized sooner before everything happened.

"But I've gotten medicine from here before, it's the same prescription too, so can't I just get a refill?" I wonder. As much as I'd love to continue giving her different methods as to which she could give me legal drugs, the guy behind me grumbles in annoyance. I look up at the ceiling before looking back down at her. I'm taking too long. I just- no, he needs to get his medication and I'm just wasting his and her time. No, you need this. You need it for Toshi. Right, yeah Toshi. The same Toshi you let get hurt for your dumb mistakes.

"Do you have something that can identify your doctor and maybe something that shows actual proof that he allowed you to get a refill on this medication?" She types something into the computer before looking at me waiting for a reply. I should've just went to the doctors before I came. This is pointless. I wouldn't be wasting everyone's time if I just originally did that. He said not to go back there. Do you ever listen? You can't go back. Listen for once. Right, no more doctors. He doesn't like the doctors.

"I- n-no ma'am I don't," I tug the sleeves of my jacket down I'm showing too much skin right now. He wouldn't like that. Even though I've zipped the jacket all the way up and even put concealer on the marks I still feel exposed. It's as if everyone can see everything. Why? The feeling gets worse, the gnawing fear that they can just see everything. They'll know. They'll know how he wrapped his arms around my waist, letting his hands run up my chest before slowly going lower and lower. They'll know that the feeling is constant and even though I'm not with him I can still feel his hands roaming my body. The thought that maybe he'll only touch and not go farther feels so old. When was the last time I've thought of that? Definitely not last night.

"Then I'm sorry sir, but as I stated before you cannot purchase the medicine from this facility. If you wanted we could call your doctor's office and you could possibly get a note from them?" She's looking to the side as if she's done this countless of times. She's tired of me. She knows that this isn't important. I'm just another nuisance that she'd have to deal with. I need to leave before I make it worse.

"No um th- that wouldn't be necessary, thank you. Sorry for the trouble." I quickly bow before the nausea gets worse. I can feel it rising. I threw up that day too. He didn't care of course. He just kept going and going. It was if he'd never stop. I'm surprised he did.

"No problem, see you." She raises her head to give me a warmhearted smile yet it falters as soon as she sees my face. I probably look a little pale at the moment, parts of my neck are splotchy from the concealer, my eyes pink from the crying. I definitely don't look my best. That's without mentioning the hand keeping my mouth shut in case the nausea is worse than I thought while the other hand is tightly holding my side. Before she can say anything in regards to how I look I quickly rush out of the building, lightly shoving the guy behind me. I take the hand away from my side to rush to get my hood up. The streets are busy so people won't stop and stare, but if someone recognizes me it won't be good for U.A. Imagine if one of their students were seen like this. It'd give them more bad representation.