Exotic Nights

d i l e m m a

1st POV: Mayuko's

It was merely impossible to bat an eyelash. I couldn't even hold my own breath on it's on. I couldn't do anything. But, live this way, in this bed, everyday...with Sehun. It was just like the doctor said. It was worse than dying.

He had sex with me. He bathed me. He moved me. He loved me.

But my heart had already released him and yet I felt ashamed to say this as well. I had let go of Kai as well, when I stood in front of that car, letting it deliver a suicidal blow to my body. But, I didn't receive what I truly wanted. Instead, I was punished. Only tears could spill from my eyes, when Sehun wasn't there by my side.

When he was there with me, the sadness would go away.

But, it was only temporarily.

The tears even spilled when he was there with me at times.

Inside this poor mind, I was still worried about someone, about Kai. I haven't forgotten him for even one second. He was always on my mind as Sehun’s mind was on me. I felt guilty, because I still loved Sehun, but not the way it use to be. It was as if it was fading.

But, I had to be honest with myself.

Somehow, it happened miraculously. I loved Kai more.

Because of that decision, I just wanted to die more, but something kept me from dying. It was as if there was someone's life, I didn't know or wasn't aware was with me. Very close to me. What was it? 

The days passed. The months passed.

And yet, I still couldn’t move.

But, something from deep within me moved. 

What was that?

It couldn't be.

Then it happened again. Something kicked me inside...my stomach. 

It was impossible.

It was possible.

There were days, I didn't eat food at the mansion at the times when I was being...

I didn't want to go back to those times.

Using all my power and nerve, I tried to move my eyes to look down from the ceiling. But, I couldn't move. It was painful. Still I wouldn't give up, but I was forced to give up, when I heard the door open. My heart raced for some reason. I heard Nurse Jung's soft voice which was one I loved.

"You have a visitor."

My eyes jumped when I heard that familiar voice, the voice that my heart bled to hear for months.