The Roads To Paris

32

“That was so predictable of you Jesse. Of course you would say you love her at a time like this.” Damien says

“I...I'm......” for the first time in a long time, I see Jesse speechless

“Don't say you're sorry, cause you're not. You know what, forget it. I'm over this shit anyway. It's not like I still have feelings for her. Fuck you Jesse, you're a truly shitty friend.” Damien says

“Damien!” I say trying to get him to take back what he said

“Just let him go, Paris.” Benny says weakly

Damien moves me out of the way gently, gets into his car, shoves the key in the ignition and drives off.

Everywhere is quiet for a while then Heaven breaks the silence

“You know this is all your fault Paris.” Heaven says coldly

“How is any of this my fault?” I ask confused

“Stop trying to act clueless.” is her yet again cold reply

“I'm not trying to act clueless. I didn't do anything; I'm not trying to do anything. I didn't ask for any of this to happen.” I say exasperated

“Of course you didn't. But you're very happy this happened I'm sure. ” she stares at me with her eyes full of hate and all the sisterly love I once saw in them gone

“I beg your pardon??!”

“Ever since you came it's been Paris this and Paris that. You said you'd been so used to being an only child you didn't know how to accommodate siblings to  me once. You remember what I said that day right? I said ‘I can understand how you feel, I'll try my best not to make it difficult for you to accommodate.’”

“And then we laughed about it.” I remind her

“And then we laughed,” she continues
“But you know what I didn't tell you, do you know what would have been the perfect response, ‘Newsflash I was an only child once too. Now suck it up and be grateful you have me instead because I ‘accomodate’ all your excesses, and not some equally spoilt step sister.’ That would've been the perfect response.” she continues

“All you ever think about is yourself, yourself, you're the most important person in the whole world, you're the only person that's ever been hurt in your life, you're the only person that has something to be sad about, everyone else hasn't ever experienced true pain until they've been in your shoes, all you could ever talk about throughout the first month you got here was how miserable you were and how I was trying to steal your dad from you and how my mom stole your mom's place and how no one could ever replace your mom......”

“H, please. Can we just settle this another way. You don't have to say this.” Benny pleads interrupting her 

“No Benny. I need to say this, and she needs to hear this. Your mom has been gone a long enough time for you to come to terms with it. The excuse that you had to be strong for your dad so you bottled up everything until now is quite stupid. Do you know how your mom must've felt watching you pretend to be ok about her death for so many years? And you made your dad feel you were OK with him getting remarried so why start a fuss about it now? Honestly sometimes I feel you're being difficult intentionally. After letting him get remarried you start bringing up your mom to him trying to make him feel guilty for moving on when it's only the healthy thing to do. You've made my mom sick with worry that you didn't like her or that she was bringing up memories of your late mom in you and making you depressed. She'd always cry because you always made it seem like she was wrong to fall in love with your dad and marry him. You came into our lives and all you could ever do was measure my mom and yours up and  try to make your dad do the same too.
I never once said anything about my dad to you. I never once said that you were flaunting your perfect dad in front of me trying to make me jealous that I didn't have a dad like yours. Not once in my life, not even for a second. Yeah sure he only spared me for a while when I was still really little but he didn't waste time to begin hitting me once he felt I was grown enough. Has your dad ever hit you? Tell me! And you're trying to compare all the beautiful memories you shared with your mom to all the scars I still have from the numerous times my dad hit me. How were you able to stand and look me in the face and complain about the difficulties of your life, admittedly you didn't know about my dad for a while but that doesn't give you the right to be so........so self-centered.
I didn't tell you about my dad, or I didn't confide in you about anything that happened in my life, not because I didn't want to bother you or because I thought you had enough troubles on your own to have to add mine too. I don't tell you things because I don't see the point. You won't care. You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”