The Roads To Paris

49

When everyone is settled down, I begin my ‘talk’.

“So.......” I start

“So why are we all gathered here?” Danielle asks out of curiosity

Why are we gathered here? What exactly do I want to tell them?
Well I guess I'm going to have to wing it.

“Well......I know I haven't been easy to deal with and I wanted to apologize for starters.”

And then I go ahead to apologize to them individually

“Heaven, I know I haven't been the best sister and I've been really frustrating to deal with and I'm sorry for being difficult. I know I've said this many many many times before so it's like, why am I repeating it again, but it's just like I feel like I haven't said it enough times. I'm really really sorry.”

Then I turn to look at Danielle

“And mom, I know it took me a long time to accept you as my mom and I'm sorry for making you feel bad for a long time. I'm sorry for never appreciating you and for making you feel like your efforts meant nothing to me, I'm sorry for measuring you up with my mom because you're not my mom and she's not you. You're both amazing moms individually and I shouldn't have compared you guys.”

I turn to look at my dad

“I love you dad and I have always supported every single decision you have made. I know I can be a bit annoying at times and when we first moved, I brought my A-game in nagging. I know I can be a bit of a spoilt brat at times and I made you feel bad when I wasn't accepting mom and Heaven at first. I'm really really sorry and I promise to be better.”

Then I add

“I know I've said it before but I'm sorry I was rude that day you came home.........drunk.”

Danielle looks at my dad and my dad looks back at her. I wonder what that look was for, but I don't think too much about it and continue.

“Thank you guys for enduring with me and for managing all my moods and knowing how to handle all my changes. I was just finding it hard to adapt and I was taking out my frustrations on everyone and everything. I've grown so much as a person since the past year and that's why I'm able to say all these things. I know it takes a lot to be able to admit ones wrongs and I'm willing to do this because I want to show you guys that I'm not the same Paris I used to be. I'm no longer going to make everything about myself and let my selfish desires inform all my decisions.” I announce. But of course, all good things come with conditions

“But I'd also like us to be a real family. A family where we don't hide everything we're feeling or thinking or doing from each other because secrets can make us like strangers to each other. Let's agree to be open about everything from now on. I mean, you can have some things that are just TMI and you can keep them to yourself, but I mean, stuff like things you're supposed to share with your family, let's be able to share them.”

“Ok......is there something you want to tell us? Why are you all of a sudden talking about secrets and openness.” Heaven says eyeing me skeptically

I don't know why I started talking about secrets and openness.
I guess I just felt like one of them was hiding something from me and this would be the best time for the person to just spill.

Heaven has been acting really strange lately. She's been acting so unbothered about everything like she couldn't care less if we all burned and it's really creepy.
Not to talk of the secret looks  dad and Danielle have been sharing since.
I just feel the best way for my apology to be complete and for us all to be able to go on as a family is if we're all completely honest with each other.

“I don't know. I just feel like you've all been acting strange and secretive I guess. And I want to be able to be a different person and change and all that shit but I also want to know that I'm not being lied to. I want to be able to trust you guys so I don't become the Paris I used to be with all my trust issues and such.” I confess

“Well I'm not hiding anything. I don't know what you're talking about.” Heaven says casually

“And honestly, you're being really weird.....But anyway thanks for the apology, I totally understand.”

She stands up, probably about to leaving the living room but Danielle's voice interrupts her.

“Sit down Heaven.”

I think I'm done with what I had to say so Heaven's ok to leave now and I'm about to tell Danielle that but she starts speaking again

“Thank you for what you said Paris. It took a lot for you to say that and I'm really proud of you. Heaven is right though; you're actually being really weird. The whole thing with the we're family and families don't keep secrets thing, that was really creepy, please don't do it again.”

I wonder if that's what Danielle called Heaven back to say cause then she'll be the one that's really weird.

I'm stopped in my train of thought when I see my dad and Danielle share a look

My dad mutters something under his breath about ‘good cop, bad cop’ and I become terribly confused

“Uhmm......” he clears his throat

“Asides from the fact that you were being really weird Paris, you were right. Families shouldn't have so many secrets among them. I and your......” he's interrupted by Danielle running to the kitchen.

We all run after her to see what's wrong and I'm beginning to get concerned

“What happened?!” I get scared

“What's wrong mom??!” Heaven asks holding on to Danielle as she throws up in the kitchen sink

I turn my face the other way because I can't stand the sight of vomit.
My dad comes into the kitchen a few seconds later with a napkin and waits while Danielle rinses her mouth.

“Get her some water.”

My dad doesn't seem surprised by the fact that she threw up.
I'm guessing he already knew about her stomach flu.

I get Danielle a glass filled with water and she rewards me with a weak smile.

“What happened mom?” Heaven asks when her panick has subsided

Danielle looks at my dad, probably to explain what's going on to Heaven and I and I tense.

If it's a mere stomach flu, she wouldn't look so guilty unless she's been hiding something more from us since.

I can't believe they both kept Danielle's health condition a secret from I and Heaven since.
What if it's something really serious?
What if it's terminal??!

I can't even think about the possibility and I decide to keep my mind positive.

“Dad, is mom sick?” I finally ask the question that has been on my mind since the day I was eavesdropping on them from the staircase

“That's what I wanted to talk about before she ran out.”

My dad looks at I and Heaven and then looks back at Danielle who is currently sitting on a kitchen stool with so much adoration in his eyes

“I love you all so very much. I wouldn't have asked for a better family. I'm about to tell the both of you something and I want you guys to be very open-minded about this. I and your mom have known about it for two months now but we didn't know if you guys would be ready to hear it. Now, hearing Paris talk so maturedly, we've decided that you guys are ready to know.”

I don't think I'm patient enough for all this. I hate when a person has something to say and they begin beating around the bush first.

“What exactly are you trying to say dad?” I ask impatiently

“Your mom and I want the both of you to know that.......”