Save Us First (Bucky)

15

Ivy knocked at James's room, her hand shaking a little.
He opened and looked down on her.
"Yeah?"
"Can we talk? I - I'm sorry."
He sighed and then, after a second, he nodded and let her in.
She stood there, fidgeting with her hands and biting her lip.

"I - I'm sorry I said we aren't serious. I-I panicked in front of Tony because I was scared of his reaction...but that was stupid.
I want us to be serious, Bucky.
I don't wanna do this shit without you anymore.
The missions, the almost dying shit...I want to do it with you by my side or not at all. And I know I've hurt you and I'm...really sorry. Fuck taking it slow and fuck us figuring it out. I wanna be your girlfriend."

She exhaled, and looked really relieved for a second, before she carefully looked up to him again.

He smirked for a second, then he made a step forward and took her face into his hands.
"You gonna keep your promise?", he whispered and she chuckled.
"If you want me to."
"I do."
"Okay."
She put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He smiled into the kiss and pulled her closer, taking off her shirt in the process and then pushed her against the wall.
She giggled and started to unbutton his shirt, he ripped it off and kissed her softly.

"Don't ever make me wait for you again", he mumbled and started kissing her neck.
She moaned softly and clawed onto his back.
He lifted her up and then pressed her against the wall again, harder this time, and she flinched.
"Sorry", he said under his breath and lifted one corner of his mouth.
"Sometimes I forget how strong I am."
"That's kinda hot", she grinned, and he chuckled, before she pulled him in to kiss her again.

He carried her over to the bed, took off the rest of her clothes and kissed her neck again.
"James, you're gonna give me a hickey", she whispered.
"That's the goal doll", he mumbled against her skin and she sighed, enjoying the feeling of his skin against hers.
His hands and lips all over her body, the feeling of his muscles under her fingertips.
He grabbed her wrist with his vibranium arm, pinning her to the bed and then let his lips wander down her body, over her stomach.
She tried not to react in any way, but couldn't quite help herself.
He smirked.
"Oh, you like that, doll?"
"Maybe."
"Want me to do it again?"
"Oh fuck yeah."

-
Bucky slowly put one arm around her, took her hands into his and softly rubbed her wrist where he had held her earlier. It was a little red from the force of his metal arm.

"You okay doll?", he said softly.
She nodded.
"Yeah. It doesn't hurt, it's gonna go away."
"Good."

He kissed her on the forehead and she lay her head on his chest, her fingers stroking over his abs.
"You okay too?"
"Uhm...yeah, of course."
"No you're not."
"No I'm not. But not because of you."
She looked up and gave him a kiss.
"Talk to me. Please, James. Talk to me."

He sighed and then looked at her again.
"I wasn't just hurt, I - I thought you might have changed your mind. Like you might have realized I'm kind of a...monster. And now you don't want me anymore. Because, you know...My head is all kinds of messed up."

"I don't care though, Bucky", she whispered.
"Oh honey, I really don't care. If they turned you back into the winter soldier again, I would still be there to hold you when you come back. I would kiss you and tell you it's alright even if it wasn't. You're not a monster, Bucky!
It wasn't your fault.
And if I have to tell you that every fucking day, I will.
You had no choice! Normally when people say that, it's an excuse for making the wrong decision - but you actually had no choice. You're a good person, James. You were a soldier, you fought for your country, for what was right. For the people you love. For Steve...What do you think why he hasn't given up on you? Because he knows that too.
And what do you think why Tony hasn't killed you yet? Why he has accepted you despite everything what happened?
Because deep down he knows that, too. Even Loki kinda likes you, okay, and that really says something."

He chuckled and sniffed, quickly wiping a tear off his face.
She took his face into her hands.
"I will never change my mind, James. I promise you that."
"How can you be so sure?", he asked softly and it almost broke her heart.
"Because I love you, you Idiot!"

The words burst out of her mouth before she could even think about it and Bucky stared at her in disbelief.
"You love me?"
"Of course I do, James", she admitted softly and gently stroked his face.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, burying his face on her neck.
"I love you, too", he mumbled and she had to smile, closed her eyes and held him tight.

"Better?", she asked when he let go of her and he nodded.
"Yeah. Better."
She smiled, gave him a kiss and then stood up to put on her underwear and his shirt, before she sat down next to him again.
"Are you staying?", he asked and took her hand.
"Yeah. Of course."
He pulled her into his arms again, spreading soft kisses all over her face and then she turned around, his arm over her hip, hugging her from behind and keeping her close to him.

His arms had become her safe place. Where she felt the most comfortable, the safest, the most loved. Like a shelter in a storm, like a lighthouse in a rough sea.

She never wanted him to let go again, but she knew they couldn't spend the rest of the day in bed.
But maybe a few hours.
Just to be there with each other.

"I wanna be on your team when we kick Hydra's ass", he mumbled and she giggled.
"Yeah, I wanna see you fight, that's pretty hot."
"Oh maybe it's not a good idea then. We can't have sex on the quinjet."
"Oh yeah? Who said that?"
"Tony, actually. The moment you arrived here at the tower."
She had to laugh.
"Naah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember that."
"No, you were too busy staring at me."
"Oh yeah? Like you were busy staring at my boobs during that first meeting", she said and took his hand.
"Now that's a lie", he said and laughed a little, too.
"I would never stare at your body, that's very inappropriate."

"Oh if that's already inappropriate, then what we did in that gym locker room should've gotten us into jail", she said dry.
He had to laugh again and kissed her on the cheek.
"Yeah because it was illegally hot."
"Oh wow."
"Hmm, I said that."
"Oh god."
"Yup."

She giggled and closed her eyes.
"Try to sleep, James. We'll need our energy later."
"I know. I'd rather stay here with you, though."
"I know. Me too."
"I can't believe you haven't told Loki about us", Bucky said chuckling.
"Yeah, apparently I can keep a secret. Who would have thought. We said we wouldn't tell anyone, so I didn't."
"I'm still surprised."
"Yeah, me too."
He kissed her on the cheek and she smiled.
"I kinda feel bad about it. But I think it was good for us. It gave us time to figure out how serious this is. And how comfortable we are."
"Yeah. It was definitely the right decision, doll."