Save Us First (Bucky)

31

They all heard Bucky screaming that night, but when Steve went to check on him, he already saw Ivy walking into his room.

He stopped, and just watched them carefully.

Bucky was sitting there, on the floor, panting, tears running over his face.
And then Ivy, with the saddest look Steve had ever seen on her face, kneeled down in front of him.

Steve swallowed, he wasn't sure what was gonna happen.
If she was gonna get scared. If they were gonna be fine.

And then Ivy took Bucky's face into her hands, softly caressing his cheeks, before she pulled him close to her.
Bucky buried his face in her shoulder as he silently cried, and then, after holding him for a while, gently stroking over his back, she started singing very softly.

Steve didn't know the song, but Bucky seemed to.
He looked up, with a look of surprise on his face, she gently smiled at him, and then he hid in her shoulder again.
She finished the verse of the song.

"It's alright, James. I'm here", she said eventually, and Steve thought he had seen a tear run over her face, just for a brief second.

He swallowed and then turned around, walking back to his room.
They needed this. And they needed privacy.

"Bucky...", Ivy whispered, more tears running over her face.

"I'm okay", he said, sniffed and she shook her head.

"No. No you're not. But I'm not, either. It's okay, we...we can just ge through this together, okay?", she said, her voice shaking, on the verge of just breaking off.

"Okay", he just said, clinging to her back, and she had to cry a little more.

"I hate this so much. I hate it. It's all my fault, and I hurt you so badly, and I...I'm so sorry", he whispered and she shook her head, more tears running over her face.

"No. It wasn't your fault, Buck. You didn't deserve this.
Neither of us did.
And yet we carry it around with us, not like a burden, but like a trophy, reminding us of what we had to lose to win what we have.
And we have each other. We'll always have that, no matter what happens, okay?", she whispered, pressing him closer against her chest, as he lay his head over her heart, just listening to its beat.

"I love you. I love you so goddamn much, I can't believe you're still here", he whispered after a while.

"I'll always be there. I promise you, I'll never leave you."

"I just don't wanna lose you again, Ivy, I can't."

"You never really lost me. Nothing could ever pull me away from you. I'm just so sorry I couldn't stop them. I couldn't help you. I remember your screams...I was unconscious, but I heard them...I...I remember them", she whispered, as more tears rolled over her cheeks again, and this time Buck pulled her into his arms.

"It's okay. I'm here for you, too. You can talk to me about it."

She bit her lip, as she snuggled up against his chest.
"I just...It's always in my nightmares...I heard you scream my name. And Steve's, over and over again, you begging for help, for someone to come help you...I relive it almost every night.
I hear it, I see you being tortured, but I can't move, there's just this fear, this pain, and I can't help you..."

She hid her face in his chest and he kissed her hair.
"It's over. It's over, my love. It's all gonna be fine. We've made it out. And we'll get away from here, I promise."

Ivy sniffled and snuggled up against him again.
"Imagine. Having a life together apart from all this bullshit."

"I promise you there's one. There is a life for us out there, just give me a chance."