Save Us First (Bucky)

4

"He looked so sad, like - I had no idea what to do. I've never seen him this vulnerable."

Ivy sighed and stared into the night sky.
A plane flew past, the stars over New York City were bright, but not as bright as the lights from the skyscrapers.
Loki had forced her to leave the room and then carried her onto the roof, because her leg still couldn't support her weight.
Now they sat there, wrapped in blankets, enjoying the late autumn night.
"I really don't know what to say to that", Loki admitted and she nodded.
"Yeah, me neither."
"Honestly, I understand him. I mean, I didn't know how good it felt to talk about all the shit in my head until I had you."
She smiled and leaned against him.
"Yeah. You've seriously developed into an almost decent guy."
He chuckled.
"Almost."
"What am I gonna do now? Do I talk to him, or do I just leave him alone?"
"Leave him. He probably just needs some time."
"I feel like he needs some fun."
He chuckled.
"Do you remember that time I pretended to be Rogers for like a day when he wasn't in, and it took the others literally 20 hours to notice?"
"Oh god, I've never laughed so hard in my whole fucking life", she said smiling, when she remembered.

It had been incredibly hard for her not to laugh the whole time and he had enjoyedbevery second of it.
Surprisingly, Steve had found it very funny.

"We should do something like that again", he said and she nodded.
"Definitely. But I wanna play a part too."
"We'll see."
She leaned against his shoulder.
"You good, darling?", he asked and she shrugged.
"I don't know. I'm bored, I'm confused, I'm a little sad...at least I have you, Loke."
"You'll always have me. I promise", he said and put an arm around her.
"We'll have each other. No matter what happens."
"Pinky promise?"
"Blood oath."

"Thor and I used to promise us that", he said softly.
"When we were little. But my father - or his father..."
"Your father was a dick! He told you you should have died - he made you feel worthless. You're not. You deserve the world, Loki, and I will die on that hill. You just sometimes need a little push in the right direction."
He was quiet for a second, then he wrapped his arms around her and mumbled: "What would I do without you."
She chuckled.
"Be Loki."
He chuckled too and she got up.
"I think I'll wanna go back inside. Will you help me?"
"Of course. Come here."
He lifted her up and carried her back inside, sat her down in her room and then wished her a good night.

She took off her clothes, put on a big shirt and shorts and then crawled into bed, scrolling on her phone, when she heard someone knocking.
Loki again.
"You wanna talk some more?", she said and he looked to the ground, almost ashamed.
"Come here", she said and lifted up her blanket.
He smiled a little and sat next to her.
"I really hate this", he mumbled.
"What, having feelings?"
"Exactly. It's really not Loki at all. You're changing me, bitch."
"That's good, Loki!"
"No it's not! I'm just realizing this, now I'm really mad at you!"
She giggled and he sighed.
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
"No I don't."
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
He sighed again and buried his face in his hands.
"What is happening to me. I used to be this...emotionless, sarcastic son of a bitch and now I'm an avenger, have a best friend and are doing good things."
"That's what I call character development", she said and he groaned.
"You're not helping!"
"Well what do you want me to do? Change you back? Hell no! I like this Loki!"
"Well but I don't!"

Silence.
She swallowed and bit her lip.
"You...you don't?"
"No, not at all."
He got up and left the room.
"Loki...Loki!"
She got up too and tried to run after him, but after a few steps she had to stop again.
He vanished into his room and she sighed, when she suddenly saw Bucky in the doorway of his room.

He slowly came up to her, without saying a word, he just grabbed her arm and helped her back into her room.
"You okay?", he asked and she sighed.
"No. Now I've made Loki run away, too."
"He'll come back."
"This time I'm not so sure."
"Hm."
He sat next to her and took a deep breath.
"I...I wanted to apologize. For just running away. You were just trying to help, but...you know, it was just too much for me in that moment."
"I understand", she said softly.
"And I'm sorry if I went too far. It's just...you were in pain. And I'm used to trying to help when someone's in pain."
"And you're amazing at it. You know that everybody loves talking to you, right? You're just...kind. To all of us. And the others really appreciate it."
She blushed and smiled.
"Oh...well, thanks, I guess. Nice to know."

"Wanna talk about Loki?", he asked and she sighed.
"It's just that he apparently really hates his new self. The humane Loki. He misses his murderous, vicious self."
"Really? Things are going much better for him now."
"I know. And he knows that too. But he just feels like he isn't himself anymore, you know?"
"Yeah. I know that feeling", he mumbled.
"Well maybe you should talk to him", she chuckled and he chuckled too.
"I don't know if that's a good idea."
"I actually think it is. I think you two would understand each other a lot better than I do."
"I feel like you understand me pretty well."

Ivy looked at him and got lost in his deep blue eyes for a second.
"I don't know", she said softly and for a second, they just looked at each other, only inches apart.
"Yeah, you do. I don't know what it is about you, but people just naturally open up to you. I've seen it with Steve, with Loki, now me. It's like we want you to know our deepest secrets and our fears and triggers. It's the weirdest thing."
"I have no idea, honestly", she said, not really knowing how to react to what she thought was a huge compliment.

"Can I ask you something?", he said and she nodded.
"How the fuck did you befriend Loki? That guy is a.."
"A dick? Swindler? Liar?", she grinned and he nodded.
"Yeah..I guess. So, how did you do that?"
She sighed.
"Well, I slept with him."
Bucky blinked and exhaled.
"You...slept..with him?"
"Yup, I slept with him. There was...a lot of chemistry, you know, we just misinterpreted it. Afterwards, it was somehow clear to us that we wouldn't fall in love with each other, and sex makes everything complicated so...we just decided to stay friends. And we actually did."
"Do any of the others know about this?", Bucky asked and Ivy grinned.
"We didn't exactly tell them but I'm pretty sure they heard us. But when it didn't develop into anything further, nobody said anything."
"Hm."

"He can be a really good guy if he gets the chance. Yes, sometimes he needs more than one push in the right direction, but if you don't give up on him he gets to the point where he wants to prove himself. I kinda used that, you know", she grinned and he chuckled.
"So basically you played him."
"Oh, just a little."
"Damn."
"Not what you expected huh?"
"No, not really. But it kinda makes sense. He sometimes seems like he is in desperate need of a little love", Bucky said.
"Aren't we all?"
"Maybe."
They were both quiet for a second, then she looked him in the eyes again.

"Do you wanna open up to me, too?", she asked carefully and he hesitated for a moment.
"I don't know. I just feel like I've really missed out on getting to know you for the last few months."
"Oh you definitely did, Barnes", she said in an attempt to flirt a little.
Bucky smirked and licked his lips.
"How about I'll take you to dinner then? When you're able to walk again."
She smiled and pushed a strand of hair out of her face.
"Are you asking me out, Bucky?"
"Hell yeah", he said and she chuckled.
"Alright. Yeah, let's go out."
"Good. We'll talk", he said, winked at her, stood up and left the room.
As soon as the door closed behind him she exhaled slowly.
God damn it he was so fucking hot. And pretty damn cute. And sweet, and charming and nice, if he wanted to. And she wanted him to want to. She so fucking wanted him.