Save Us First (Bucky)

17

When Bucky woke up, he was alone in his room again.
On the floor, where he felt comfortable.
But why was he alone?
Right, Ivy had left for her own room, last night.
Or did she?
Did he tell her to leave?

His breath was too fast, his pulse was throbbing in his ears.
God, how he hated those damn nightmares.
And now they involved her.
Ivy.
Why was he alone?
Sudden fear overcame him, he jumped out of bed and ran out of the room, when he  remembered his dream. Or at least he hoped it was just a dream.

"Ivy? Ivy!"
She stood in the kitchen, in underwear and his shirt and quickly turned around when she heard him.
"Buck? Wha-"
He grabbed her, one hand holding her face, with the other one he pushed her hair out of the way, so that he could look at her neck.
"Bucky, wha-"
"Let me see, are you okay?", he said frantically and she pushed his hand away.
"Yes, of course I'm okay, what the hell is going on?!"
"Oh thank god", he mumbled, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face on her shoulder.
She furrowed her brows and then hugged him back.

"James, what's wrong? What happened?", she said and he sighed.
"What did you dream of?", she mumbled, slowly realizing what this was about.
"I...choked you", he said after a second.
"We had a fight, a bad, bad fight and I...completely lost it. I choked you and I...I hurt you. Only a few seconds, but..god,you were so afraid. Like, scared to death. Of me. I tried to make it right, but every time I wanted to comfort you you backed away and it broke my fucking heart..."
He stopped and took a deep breath, inhaled the rests of her perfume off her skin.

"Soo...you were checking my neck for bruises. From your fingers. Because you didn't know if it was a memory or just a dream", she realized horrified.

James nodded slowly and she wrapped her arms tighter around him.
"God, I'm so sorry baby. I'm so, so sorry. But I'm fine, you didn't do anything. You were so...gentle last night. It's alright."
He let go off her and took her face into his hands.
"I...I don't want you to be afraid of me. Please, just don't be afraid of me, I'd never hurt you Ivy, I..."

"Hey, I know. I know, love. I'm not scared of you. I promise. I mean, I was a little. Before we got together. But now that I know you...I know you'd never hurt me on purpose."
He nodded slowly and leaned his forehead against hers, which made her smile a little.
Then he pushed her hair back again, softly caressing her neck with his fingers.
"It's okay", she whispered, holding his face with her hands.
"It's all good."

James swallowed, pulled her a little closer and kissed her neck, starting from her ear down to her collarbone.
She closed her eyes, holding him close, enjoying the butterflies in her stomach, and then gave him a kiss.
"Go back to sleep, James."
"What about you?"
"I'll go to bed soon, too."
He shook his head.
"No, I wanna have you close. Please. Stay with me."
She said nothing, she just stroked over his face for a few seconds, then she nodded.

"You look sad. I don't want you to be sad, James. You need to get help again, okay? Please. Go back to therapy, I'm begging you", she whispered.
"I know, I will. Okay? I will", he said and she buried her face on his neck for a moment, before she lay her lips on his again.
He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his hips.
James carried her into his room, gave her another kiss and then carefully let her down.

She raised her eyebrows and then swallowed.
"You're sleeping on the floor again", she realized.
He scratched his head in embarrassment.
"Yeah..."
"Okay. Do you have another pillow?"
He looked at her surprised, then he nodded and pointed at his bed.
"Take what you want."
She nodded, grabbed two pillows and another blanket and then made herself a bed next to his on the floor.
He sat down next to her and looked at his hands.
"You don't...you don't have to do this, Ivy."
"I know. But I want to. You need me, so I'm there. I'll sleep in a burning dumpster if you need me there."
He had to smile and gave her a kiss.
"Thank you."
She smiled back.
"No problem."

He pulled her close to him, so she could be a little more comfortable, she curled up in his arms and kissed him on the collarbone.
"Try to sleep, okay? I'm here now, if you need me again."
"You too. I got you."
She chuckled.
"I know you do."
"Better than Loki."
She giggled.
"You're soo jealous."
"Well you're mine now. I'm just making sure you know that."
"Pff, shut up. I don't belong to anyone but myself", she said, but she chuckled.
"Doesn't mean I'll let Loki steal you", he said, smiling down on her.
"Well good thing he's not interested in stealing me", she said, rolled her eyes and he gave her a kiss.

_

When Bucky wope up, Ivy threw confetti on him.
"Happy Birthday Baby!", she squealed and pressed a kiss onto his lips.  "I love you, you're amazing, you're smart, you're kind and you're...well, amazing! You're the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me, I hope I'll never lose you."
He had to smile.
"I love you too, doll. Thanks."
He groaned as he got up and pulled her into his arms.
She giggled and spread a few soft kisses over his face.
"Soo...I'm a little broke at the moment, so I thought I'd just gift you...me."
She smirked and pointed at her face.

He had to laugh.
"Even though that is the best present I could ever ask for...How are you broke?"
"Well, I might have gone on an impulse buy shopping spree that was impressive even for me."
"Oh god, no. Don't say you've bought more clothes."
"Yup. Clothes, lingerie, jewelry..."
"Oh god, Ivy", he said grinning and sighed.
"Well, that happens. I got super sick new Louboutins now."
"Hmm."

He buried his face in her neck, kissed her behind the ear and then smirked.
"Lingerie, you said?"
She had to laugh and smirked, too.
"Yeah. I could...show you if you want", she said innocently, and let her hands run over his body.
"Yeah, I mean, what if it does not fit you right? We can't have that, can we?"
"No, you're right, you should definitely have a look and make sure it's all good", she agreed grinning, gave him another kiss and walked over to the closet.
"Don't move", she said with a smile and vanished into the bathroom.

Bucky grinned, sat down onto the bed and let his hands run through his hair, before checking his phone.
Lots of birthday wishes.
He answered a few of them, then he heard the door being opened, looked up and whistled.
"Wow."
"Yeah, you like it?", Ivy grinned and walked up to him.
"I do."
She straddled him and stroked over his hair.
"You're so hot."
He chuckled.
"And you're on fire."
"I am fire."
"Yes you are."

She lay her lips on his, and he smiled into the kiss.
"Already off to a good start", he commented on his birthday and Ivy giggled.
"That's the goal, honey. It's your day today. We can do whatever you want."
"Oh, this. This here is exactly what I want, doll. I love you."
"I love you too. A lot."
"Yeah, I'd probably like...lose an arm for you", he said grinning, let himself fall back onto the bed, pulling Ivy with him, and she giggled.

"Don't do that, if you lost an arm or something I'd probably dump you", she said grinning and kissed him again.
He laughed and pulled her a little closer.
"No, for real though, I honestly don't care. I barely even notice it anymore", she said. "I got used to it."
"Yeah, same", Bucky just said, but she knew exactly that it still was something that had a big impact on him.

She took his face into her hands.
"Hey. Honey. You're amazing. And you're stunning. With or without arm."
He had to laugh a little.
"Well, thanks. I appreciate it. Good thing I have two arms, though."
"Great. And now let's see if we can improve this birthday."
"Oh I've got an idea or two", he mumbled and took her face into his hands.
"I like your ideas."
"I know you do."
She took off his shirt and kissed the scar tissue around his arm.
"Happy Birthday Baby."