Save Us First (Bucky)

3

Ivy's fingertips softly ran over the big scar on her calf.
The incident was almost 3 weeks ago and she was still in pain whenever she attemtped to walk, but Banner had promised her that it would get better soon.
She was bored in her big white bed, that felt so much like a hospital bed.
She had just been lying around, drawing, watching TV, watching the others train.

Bucky had spent some time with her - he seemed to feel a little guilty, even though it hadn't been his fault at all.
Ivy didn't mind - she really enjoyed his company.
He was more of the quiet sort, unlike Loki and her, but she really liked his subtle humor, his charm, that sometimes slipped through the mask he had put on.
They got along really well which didn't exactly help with that little crush she had on him.
He was really sweet and caring and tried to make sure she had everything she needed.

Loki spent a lot of time complaining about how she couldn't cause some mischief with him, Steve payed her visits from time to time and Nat and Wanda had planned a girls night for her.
She almost couldn't believe how nice they all were.
Steve was right - she was part of the family now.
And they all cared for her.

She heard a knock on the door - a strange sound she had heard a lot the last weeks.
The sound of vibranium on wood.
Bucky.
"Yeah?"
He opened the door, came in and sat down next to her.
"How are you feeling?", he asked and looked at the scar.
"It looks better."
"Yeah. I'm fine, I guess. I'm healing. Just can't really walk. And you?"
"I'm good, don't worry. Just wanted to check on you."
"That's nice", she said a little insecure.
"I wish I could just come outside and run around with all of you.
It feels like I'm cut off from the rest of the world, you know. Like everything's evolving but I'm stuck."
Bucky sighed.
"Yeah. Trust me, I know that feeling. I've felt like this for years. When I was the winter soldier. Waking up, not knowing who I was, where I was...then coming back to 'normal' life and still having no idea who I am."

He scoffed.
"I'm sorry", she said softly and laid a hand on his shoulder.
He waved it off.
"I've gotten used to it. And Steve is a big help, I gotta give him that. It's good to see familiar faces around you when you wake up and have no idea why that's all happening to you."
"Damn, now I feel like a baby whining about my tiny little bullet wound", she mumbled and he chuckled.
"Sorry, I don't wanna.."
"No. No, it's okay. You can tell me about it if you'd like to. I certainly would like to listen", Ivy said softly and he looked her in the eyes.

His deep blue eyes were full of pain and sadness and she felt the strong desire to give him a hug.
"I don't...I don't really know what to say", he said softly, his voice shaking a little and she thought she saw tears in his eyes, when he looked away again.
"James...you don't have to", she said and he nodded.
"I know, I... I kinda want to, though, you know? I want to have someone I can trust, that I can talk to. Someone who just listens without judging me. So I can...find a little peace, maybe, you know?"
"Yeah. I understand. I used to be a paramedic, you know? I've seen a lot of people in trouble and I've learned not to judge them by their troubles, but by their wins. And you won, Bucky. You made your way back.
I think that's a pretty good thing to be judged by.
So, if you want to talk to me, I'm there. "
"See, I would but...I'm not sure if I can trust you, you know, like...how do I know?"
"I think you gotta trust your intuition on that. You've got a good heart, Bucky. Maybe you just need to let it rule your head."

He swallowed and then he wrapped her arms around her.
"Thank you", he mumbled and she hugged him back.
"Always", she whispered and held him.
And for a moment there was a connection between them.
A spark.
Something different than what she had with Loki or with Steve.
Something...more.
And he felt that too, she knew it.
She knew it by the way he looked her in the eyes after he let go off her.
His pupils were dilated, he swallowed heavily and for a tiny moment she thought they might kiss.
But she also knew it wasn't the right moment, he was too vulnerable.

"You okay?", she said instead and he swallowed again.
"I - I'm sorry, I gotta go."
He stood up.
"Bucky..."
"Sorry."
He quickly left the room and she sighed.
"God."
She felt really bad for him.
He was obviously in pain and felt alone.
She leaned back and turned on the TV again.
The best thing was probably to give him some space.

She pulled out her phone and texted Loki, told him to come see her when he had time.
She wanted her best friend's advice and even though Loki sometimes really sucked at giving advice, he still was her best friend - for some mysterious reason.