Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

8. Armor Against Amor

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Jay.
At the blond prince had quite the reputation. He never spoke to anyone, yet was still known by almost the entire school. Both envied and desired, he dripped with expensive items and captivated the female (and gay) population of J High with his brooding and mysterious looks. To someone who didn't know better, the blond prince was an ice prince, as he never spared anyone a second glance. Except YN.
How did they fall together? It wouldn't have happened if not for Jay's unrevealed kindness. Only a few days into school, YN was already scrambled. It was the first time in her life she had been required to wear a uniform, and with this additional tasks in her schedule, she had forgotten all her school supplies. Jay slid his textbook onto her text, offering a nice smile in response to her grateful glance. And they just sort of happened.
But now, YN was not the only trespasser to his emotional fortress. The transfer student, the boy that seemed kind, pretty, strong, and smart all rolled into one, had been let in. And it was an entirely new experience for Jay.
It's only reasonable, YN reasoned as she walked to the architecture classroom, that Jay would be obsessed with him right? Novel feelings of attraction I suppose. She tried not to feel too salty. Recently, she had started hanging out in the architecture department. Jay was far too enamoured with Daniel to notice, and YN didn't want to bother her brother. So she naturally fell with the only other people she had bothered to get to know.

"It's because she was your 'first' love." Jace was explaining to Woong as she walked in. "Oh hi YN." He continued as she waved back and sat legs crossed in a vacant chair. "Guys fall really hard for the first girl that they like. So chin up, Woong. First loves are like that. Every guy experiences it once. Since it's your first experience, you can't tell whether she's good or bad."
YN let out a repressed sigh because it was a first love that resulted in the child she picked up after school and the reason she was even in the male dominated classroom currently. She didn't particularly like 'love'. YN set down her phone, on which she had been watching Zoe's new stream. "So what is love anyways?" she asked philosophically to Jace.
Jace pondered this question, also wondering why she didn't know. "I would say loving someone is a combination of admiration and respect, and also kinship and protectiveness. Whereas being IN love with someone would add attraction, and maybe a little bit of possessiveness to the mix."
Wait a minute... Does that mean I loved Johan? YN flushed. No way. No freaking way. I didn't even know him, it was the first time I had seen him. The next part of Jace's explanation helped only a little. "I guess liking someone is the same as loving someone, except to a lesser degree. Or maybe it is still love, just a different type. Feelings of 'liking' someone can evolve into 'loving' someone, as a friend or otherwise, and maybe if you are attracted to them eventually as well it becomes being in love with someone? But then what makes the difference between romantic but not sexual love and companionship love as in family and friends? After all being asexual and aromantic are different right...? So how-?" Jace trailed off, contemplating his own explanation. YN had by then stopped listening, her body temperature rapidly increasing as she dissected the feelings in her memory. A gentle hand across her forehead snapped her out of the whirlpool of thought.
Jace leaned in close, checking her temperature, a concerned look on his face. Then he realized what he was doing and snapped his hand back. "Are you okay? Your really warm, almost feverish."
"Yeah I'm fine." YN mumbled, trailing her fingers against her forehead where the back of Jace's hand had rested. Maybe because of the detailed explanation about love he had just provided but YN's senses were on overdrive and she noticed something she hadn't before. Jace... felt different. His body language was both intimate and standoffish at the same time, as if he wanted to be close but was avoiding her at once. The most interesting thing was that Jace appeared to be unaware of his position. What is with him?
"What about you, have you experienced a first love?" asked Jace to fill the awkward silence..
A shadow flitted YN's expression, and Jace was quick to catch it. "...No." she finally decided. But Sinu and Yeonh-... I can't remember! she thought with disbelief. Suddenly it felt like she was drowning. How long till I forget everything? I NEED to find Johan. She felt someone's gaze rest on her. Vasco's eyes flitted silently between her and Jace, and what was the emotion she felt from him? Jealousy. Why would he be jealous?