Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

15. The Beginning of the End

I DIDN'T GHOST Y'ALL FOR A YEAR THIS TIME

tw: mentions of rape & abuse

"We both know what's going on, Wright."

"No... YN... I guess... Yes we know."

Silently, a tear trickled down YN's face. "I-I don't want to die."

Wright's face was wet as well. "You are NOT going to die. YN- oh fuck, I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE."

"I really hope so, Wright. If there is a god out there he's a real asshole."

Wright gripped her face, covering the sides of her face like blinders. "YN control yourself. You know how to fight this. You know emotion is your enemy. You know that the X-FLSIH chemical in your blood increases as much as you produce and use it. You know how to survive. So fight and survive, just like you always have."

""""""""'"

YN sat on the bench outside, wincing as the cool metal seeped through her shirt and against her heated skin. She felt like swearing, like destroying something and ending something. She wouldn't live because of random chance, why would it? She checked herself. It's bad enough that I can't live, no need for something else to be a victim of my random chance. Still, she slumped forward and clutched at the small yellow dandelion that had struggled its way through the concrete. Slowly, she plucked at the petals. There were 31. She crushed the middle and tossed vehemently on the ground. What do I do?

YN staggered onto a bench outside. Her heart rate and breathing quickened, and the sounds around her grew muted, signaling another attack. A fiery light burned in her chest, and she coughed out blood; it was a bright red that made her nauseous. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, remembering Wright's words. No emotions. Emotion increased the chemical. The chemical was in order to increase her survival. When intense emotion arose, that screamed danger to her. YN supposed the problem probably went much deeper than just X-FLSIH, down to the very reason that she considered emotions dangerous, but that was irrelevant now, it was done. And it hadn't been a problem until Sinu came into the picture. And she didn't remember anybody before that. Then it was Jake, Jerry, Johan, Eli. Even damn Samuel, as much as he annoyed her. And goddammit she missed them.

YN leaned back flat on the bench, the cold hard bars pressing against her back. Her legs dangled off the the side armrests, and she kicked them lazily.

But essentially, she told herself, nothing has changed. She could still die randomly from a car crash, or perhaps someone she had swindled and forgotten before Big Deal was secretly a mafia boss and would off her in her sleep. The only difference was she knew approximately WHEN she was going to die, which could be seen as an advantage. Gah... fine. I'm going to live half, maybe 1/4th the time of an average person, but I swear to the asshole higher powers that I will live double the life. She sighed and pushed herself up, sliding her legs off the armrests and sitting cross legged on the bench. There was no use dwelling on it. Just then there was a buzz in her pocket. It was her pager and that could only mean one person. Eli.

Eli: Sorry for not contacting sooner

I hope you are okay.

How is yenna?

Did you get the job?

YN: Yenna is fine.

I'm fine too

The interview also went fine.

Yes, I did get the job

Hope you are having fun!