Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

31. Rebirth pt6 (end of arc)

I'll prob write a recap next chapter, it's been too long

YN raised her head from her hands, sucked from her memories as the door to the shack on the hill pushed open. In walked a startling handsome boy easily balancing bags of groceries. It took a second to recognize him as Johan and not be startled by men walking into her house. It took a moment to remember it WAS indeed her house, she had been so consumed by the memories she had forgotten where she was.

Johan's eyes immediately wandered to her, and his face contorted into a guilty one. He dropped the bags and rushed to her side. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again, and pulled the sleeve of his soft sweater over his palm, roughly wiping her face.

The manhandling snapped YN out of her stupor, and she realized the reason for his aggressive wiping with his sleeve. Her face was totally wet, less so after the tears moved to Johan's sleeve, and her eyes were puffy from crying.

Finally Johan spoke. "I'm sorry YN," he said finally. "I shouldn't have pushed you to talk about your past." He nervously bit his lip. "I just... Well I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea."

YN refused to look him in the eyes, staring pointedly at her hands which she was once again twisting her fingers painfully. Jake would have never forced me to talk about it, she thought miserably, immediately regretting the thought as it brought in a new wave of sadness and regret. He let me do whatever I wanted. He was so... charming. Charming was indeed the right word to describe Jake, although she had never thought of it that way. The pair had just worked, but it was mostly Jake letting her do whatever she wanted and him cheerfully following. Did he have nothing better to do? Probably not. He was rich and happy at Big Deal. That all had changed now, and she wondered how he had changed as well.

She cleared her throat, but her voice still came out in a croak. "Itssfine," she mumbled.

Misery clouded Johan's eyes. It clearly wasn't fine, but he let it go. He didn't know what to say anymore. When YN had first passed out, he had been shocked and confused, and quickly tried to wake her. The moment his finger touched her burning skin, he was sucked into her memory. The visuals had been blurry, but the emotions were painfully clear, the fear, betrayal, depression, guilt. He couldn't bear touching her, but couldn't bear watching her tearful sleep without being able to do something. So he had left to get food. He had cooked for his mom, often, and food was ranked at the most precious things right below Eden. "Um..." they sat in silence. "You want to eat?"

She nodded wordlessly, and Johan rose and moved back to the bags. He set them on the kitchen counter, arranging them in the small cabinets.

"You didn't even have pans, YN," he joked teasingly. "What were you eating, the clothes?"

"Cereal," she responded humorlessly. She still had memories to go through, more misery to relive, which she couldn't do with Johan here.

Perhaps it was a good thing he was here.

"Well, I bought a pan for you."

This got her attention. "Oh, Johan, you shouldn't have."

"Your cereal is straight sugar."

A reluctant grin curled on her lips. She rarely ate the cereal, relying instead on X-FLSIH chemical. It wasn't a good idea, she knew, but she kinda... forgot to eat? Regardles, the chemical was not functioning normally at all right now. The memories had triggered no response, and the sheer amount of misery that they produced was bound to send some chemical through her. But her limbs felt drained and tired, none of the usual electricity that raced through her veins. Perhaps it had something to do with the transfer of her blood to Johan, or the irregular way she had triggered these memories.