Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

29. Rebirth pt4

(split prev chapter in two)

"YOU DIED." YN shouted, then calmed herself. "Because of me. Your heart stopped beating. You weren't breathing. I don't know what happened, I don't know how it works, and I don't care, because it brought you back from the dead." She turned away from Johan, blinking back what she felt were unreasonable tears. In order to cope with the new realizations about her past, YN was instinctively shutting down her emotional output. "By the way, you look great."

Johan had forgotten he was wearing YN's clothes, which were indeed quite comfortable. She's changing the subject and pushing me away. "Why did I have to save you? We didn't talk about what happened last night, and I know that you weren't in the right mind."

"It doesn't matter, it won't happen again." It might actually. "Do you need me to drop you somewhere? I'm going to go return the car." YN reached for the door handle.

Johan grabbed her wrist, preventing her from leaving. "Don't change the subject." He growled, eyes flashing.

He is... almost scary. YN observed coldly. As she faced him, she had to look up at an impossible measure to meet his eyes. YN took a moment to appreciate the effect her clothes created. He looks like a powerful person. A professional. YN smiled resignedly. It was hard to believe the crybaby that showed up on Big Deal street had turned into him, a powerful and hot gang leader. Johan may have had the ability to intimidate, so did YN.

Johan flinched. He had the uncomfortable feeling that he was a show horse being observed for buying. YN regarded him with emotionless eyes. He wished he could read the thousands of thoughts that were flying behind them.

It was hot.

Gently, he took YN's hands, so that they were facing each other. "YN. Please. You need to talk. I won't say anything. I won't even pay attention if you don't want me to. I'm not here to pry into your business. I'm here to make sure the only person I trust won't get stabbed mid-battle. Tell me what happened."

Fuck. A tear dripped down her cheek. YN wrenched her hands out of Johan's and furiously wiped it away. She thought she was done with tears. Johan's hands encircled her wrists again.

"Don't run away YN, you promised. Why do you keep running? Just let it out." Johan's delicate fingers were soft as they pried her hands away from her face. "Start from the beginning. I want to hear it all."

YN felt her legs weaken, her fingers shaking. She couldn't bring herself to look Johan in the eyes, and kept her glance pointedly at her fingertips. Johan's thumb traced a line along her palm, and it took everything not to break down crying then. When was the last time she had told her story?

When had been the last time she remembered it all?

Wordlessly, Johan guided her to the mattress, with no resistance. She sat down with him, hands still connected. Making a point to hold one of her hands, Johan reached to his old pants, rummaging through the pockets. He emerged clutching a small chocolate square wrapped in wrinkled tinfoil.

"Do you just carry chocolate in your pockets?"

"Of course." Johan unwrapped the square and held it out to her.

YN shook her head. "Not in the mood."

"How can you not be in the mood for chocolate?" He pressed the square to her lips. "Eat."

YN shook her head again.

"Goddamit YN, eat the chocolate."

Unwillingly, she took it, and begrudgingly sank her teeth in the smooth sweet chocolate. She forced herself to swallow, and indeed, she did feel better.