Breaking The Code (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)

Chapter 41

(a/n): I feel like parts of this chapter don't make sense - and I was on the verge of falling asleep as I finished it haha. So if something doesn't make sense then please don't hesitate to ask for clarification :)

(y/n) POV:

Much to my surprise—and despite my gnawing trust issues—Obi-Wan and I had a pleasant conversation. It may have started out a bit rocky, seeing as it started out with me punching and kicking him, but he said and did all the right things to get me to hear what he had to say. And if I'm being honest, I think deep down I wanted to make things right with him and to hear him apologize; but I was just so angry.

Even now, I'm still angry, but that's something I've been trying to work on with Ahsoka for the past year. So when Obi-Wan and I sorted things out with each other, I reminded myself of all the times Ahsoka reminded me of the importance of listening and understanding, rather than lashing out. I forget how wise she is sometimes.

But it really felt nice to have my best friend back, and to know that my fears were just fears. It will still take a while for us all to adjust to our new normal, but baby steps are better than nothing at all.

I had to take time to think about Obi-Wan's words when he confirmed that he and Anakin still cared about me and even tried finding me after I was presumed dead. I spent months believing otherwise and being so pessimistic about it, and that's not something to easily come back from.

It's been a few days since then, and we all unanimously decided to take the time we have here together to rest and recharge for whatever storm may come our way. That and, Ahsoka got another message from Yoda that he would be joining us soon, so we're waiting for him as well.

I think out of all the people I held the most anger towards, Yoda is at the top spot.

At least with Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the rest of the Jedi, I knew why they acted how they did. That doesn't make it better, but at least I knew. But Yoda on the other hand just disappeared off the face of the galaxy without telling anyone where he was going. He made me believe that I was the reason he left. I know now that he went to Dagobah for a personal mission that the force called him to do, but that would've been nice to know before I was thrown off the Temple roof. Maybe if he had been there for me and helped me through that strenuous week when I was alone, then none of this would have happened. 

But then again, fate works in mysterious ways. So maybe this would have happened regardless of if Yoda hadn't left or not.

Seeing him is going to be hard. Same thing with Anakin; I've still been avoiding him as much as possible. I'm worried about losing my temper and don't want to say or do something I'll regret. That, and every time I look at him, I get taken back to our very last interaction before our lives fell apart. I'm reminded of the look of contempt he left me with. And that reminder only brings me pain, reopening old wounds that I've spent so long trying to heal.

I'm afraid of history repeating itself, that I'll get hurt again. And in my whole life I've known no pain greater than that of losing Anakin. I don't want to be hurt like that again, the thought scares me too much to even look at him.

So, to maintain a peaceful energy inside of me, I tried a new meditation technique that I've been studying recently. I didn't think I'd get the opportunity to try it on Coruscant since it's a practice that requires water, but I can now that I'm in Naboo.

I stood at the edge of the docks outside of the lake house—the spot I usually go to be alone—and had my feet planted shoulder width apart. I was standing at the very edge so that the tips of my shoes were almost hovering over the water. My arms currently rested at my sides, and my eyes were closed in concentration. I blocked out any exterior sounds, senses, and emotions. I focused solely on the force, and my spirit.