little fox

11

I wake up with my head nestled in Loki's chest, Steve's head on one thigh, nat on the other, and holding Bucky's hand. adorable. I flick my tail and start brushing it out with my free hand, listening to them bicker playfully. Bucky rubs the back of my hand with his thumb, making me look at him. I smirk as a brilliant idea pops into my head.

"Who wants to make a braid train," I ask groggily. Everyone looks up at me, then at each other. A minute later, we were all a ring, braiding someone's hair.

"How did we get into this," Tony whines while braiding Nat's hair.

"Are you complaining, stank," I snark, without looking up from Loki's hair

"..."

"That's what I thought. Is Bruce going to stay here, or are we all going back to the tower," I ask. Zoey looks up from bucky's hair.

"I think Bruce and I will want some time alone to work things out," she answers. We all nod in understanding.

"Understandable. Rayn, what do you want to do?" I stop braiding for a second to think about Tony's question.

"I think we should find an easy, fast way to tell each other about ourselves. I want to know more about my mates," I respond slowly. "Maybe write a few things down. Like, favorite color, food, candy, that kinda thing."

"So it's safe to assume that you won't be jumping out of any windows, doors, or any other method of running away?" I flinch at Tony's question. I tie off Loki's hair and hang my head, curling up into a ball.

"That wasn't necessary, Tony," Nat scolds.

"Yeah, okay. Sorry, sweetheart," Tony mutters. After a few moments, the conversation started back up again. About ten minutes later, we left Zoey's apartment and start heading towards the tower. The car was silent as we drove.

"I didn't run because I didn't want to be with you," I whisper. Tony looks at me. His face softens.

"Then why did you run, sweetheart? We understand you were in pain when we found you, but it hurt so much when you ran." I hesitate. Tony sighs. I squeak as he picks me up and sets me on his lap, his arms around me to keep me in place.

"I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me, sweetheart. Please." I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. Metal, laundry detergent, and mint cling to his skin, somehow managing to be pleasant.

"When HYDRA captured me, one of the ways they would try and break me was to- um, abuse me physically, and in other ways as well. When you made the sexual comment, I flipped out. And ran." I look down at my hands, twisting them nervously. I glance at the rearview mirror. Every single person was so pissed they couldn't even try to hide it. I flinch.

"So when you told me why you ran this morning, it was still not the whole truth," nat asks slowly. I jerk forward, off of Tony's chest.

"I'm sorry, I- you- it- don't hurt me- please-" my anxiety triples. I can't breathe. It hurts. Make it stop. I curl into a ball, digging my claws into my upper arms, trying to keep the tears in my eyes from spilling out. I hear them yelling, but everything is blurring together. Someone is hugging me, pulling my head into their chest. I can't figure out who, and my panic keeps getting worse.

"Breath, sweetheart, breathe." What the fuck are they telling me to breathe for? If I could, I would. I hear more arguing, then I'm handed to someone else. Bucky. 

"Doll, it's okay. You're safe. Just calm down." His voice is smooth and gentle as he toys with the ends of my hair and rubs my back. I look up at him with wide eyes and whimper quietly. He smiles gently.

"There we go. You're alright. Big, deep breaths, doll." I squirm a little, and he tightens his arms around me, trapping me against his muscular, toned torso. I let out a chirp of disapproval. He laughs quietly and kisses my face gently. My nose, cheeks, forehead, and lips. There's no lust, just love, and affection. A sweet gesture, and an easy way to say 'i love you' and calm someone down at the same time. I need both.

"Are you calm now, doll?" I hum in response. Taking this as a good sign, he tucks my head under his chin. "Good. What happened there, doll? What was the trigger?" I tense. Bucky feels it, and cups my head in one hand, pulling me closer to him, so I was flush against him. The other is still around my waist. He strokes my hair comfortingly. I relax a little.

"The anger in the car combined with the anxiety I already had. Tony was angry this morning at me, which caused anxiety. and everyone keeps making comments about me running away, and it hurts. and adds to the anxiety. And after I explained why I ran, everyone was angry and it pushed me over the edge," I whisper. Tony looks shocked and horrified. "Why are you making that face, Tony?" he shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I- we had no idea that it hurt so much. Imagine if something you did made me have a mental breakdown. It's like that." His regret is clear in his voice and face. I feel my own face soften into a small smile. I look up at Bucky and push on his chest a little. He picks me up and puts me on Tony's lap, and strokes my tail. He tenses up as I wrap my arms around his neck. After a few seconds, he hugs me back.

"It's fine, tony. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Really." he doesn't say anything, just pulls me closer and buries his face in my hair, inhaling my scent. I sigh. "Tony, say something please."

"It's not fine. I hurt you, and you didn't say anything because you thought we would hurt you more. You were scared-" 

"But now I'm not. I'll talk to you when you hurt me." I pull back and cup his face in my hand. He leans into it and kisses my palm. "I'm fine, Tony." he grabs my hand and holds it to his face. I sigh. "I need a response, tony."

"Yeah, okay," he mumbles. I chuckle quietly and kiss his forehead.

"I'm fine, Tony," I insist. he mumbles something in response, and pulls me back into his chest, rubbing my ears gently. I fall asleep again, to the sound of my own purring and tony's gentle touch on my ears.