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Chapter 19--- square zero

Dedicated to @itz AbenaSonia

Hazel's POV

I'm a mess.

"I'm sorry"
What the fuck is wrong with him?
How dare he say that to me?
Oh God.

I feel my heart ache and the pain is as unbearable as it is unbelievable.
I shouldn't even be feeling this way, I jumped on him.

What were you expecting bitch?, You fucken bad bitch!. You pulled his dick out and inserted into your hungry eager pussy all on your own, knowing perfectly well that he had a girlfriend!
A girlfriend he freaking ignored you for,the second she visited the house.
You never learn anything!.

Bish me.
Yeah right. Nobody begged me to fuck him, blame it all on me.
Is it really because of Fiona?
Did she mean that much to him?.
Then why was he always looking at me like that?... Like I'm the most amazing woman on earth and he can't figure me out.

Like he'd tear my dress apart and fuck me anytime .
Well he did tear my dress apart, except that he got what he wanted and dumped my fine flat ass right after.

" You're my sanctuary"

What the heck does that even mean?!
How can he tell me that and then,act like a douchebag a few minutes later?.
Goshhh...

Have I become that lonely?
That desperate that he thought he had to ease me out of my frustrations?
Did he think I'm obsessed with him and I needed to fuck myself out of it?.

" Ahhhh! Fucken asshole!" I scream into the silent cold night as I approach the house.
Running the rest of the way inside into the hall, up the stairs and into my room, I thank goodness that I didn't come into contact with anyone.

Anyone as in Beth, Jayden or the bitch.
My tears streamed down my face like a broken dam.
It hurts.
It fucken hurts.

I slam onto the bed after locking my door and cry my eyes out.
His voice kept repeating ....I'm sorry.

Hell.
He's sorry we fucked or he's sorry I fucked him?.

He's sorry you raped him.

Raped him?!
Are you fucken kidding me?
That's utter bullshit.
He fucken even kissed me first.
That bone crushing kiss.
And he told me he was going to punish me.... In the most erotic and most sexiest tone ever.

He fucken ate me out and that's the best I've had in many many years!.
He wanted to do it.
All his actions said so.
We both wanted it.
And then it happened and he makes me feel guilty about it....like I forced him to.

I'm not seeing him ever again.
I'm fucken done with this shit.
I'm done trying to fit in, done trying to get some attention, some....love.

Well I'm never the type to beg for attention. I've humiliated myself enough in front of everyone in this house.
That stops today.
I have to start by looking for a job. Get enough to rent and move out.

If I really want to start over, then this house is not the place for me.
I don't belong here.
With these people.
I don't.
I have to find my own everything.

It's time to move out and it's time to forget about Jayden and Him!

Him, Hagel.......
I will.

I fucken will.

*******

I wake up feeling like shit.

You are shit.

Wait, why does my own subconscious hate me?
Is there not a single person I can depend on? Not even my own fucken subconscious?.

" Ughhh" I groan and rub my eyes sweetly.
Yawning, I stretch my body and open my eyes, sitting up on the bed.
I cross my legs and gaze around my room till my eyes settle on the huge teddy bear Jayden got me.
I stare at it for a while, then tear my gaze away.