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Chapter 33---- Break Apart

Dedicated to JustineIhizaValdezz

Hagel's POV

I love you.

I starkened at the words she just said.
For a second, I thought I had imagined it.
But I knew that's a lie. A second passed between us, then a minute and another and another.

My mind is spinning fast as I urged myself to say something, anything, but nothing came. I felt her sit up,felt her eyes burning into my face.

My fears were confirmed as I met her eyes. Huge, full of expectations and hope.
I curse myself.

I know she wants me to say it back. If not that, then she expects me to say something, anything.
I expect myself to say something.
But what?

Any reply I give her now would jeopardize the situation we're in. Will put her in danger.
This is not the right time. I have to get justice for her, have to make those who hurt her pay.

I love you.

The words echoed in my mind and my heart.
I stared at her and I know that I'm hurting her with my silence. But I'm lost for words.
She loves me?
Loves me like how?

Like she loved Jayden? Or more?

Fucken imbecile. That's what I am.

I want to break something as all her earlier hopes and expectations died off, replaced with fear and uncertainty.
Like a naive girl from the other side who traveled a million miles to a strange city, with only her dreams as her guide.

A dream I just cruelly shattered.

I don't stop watching her as she covers herself with my shirt, her eyes no longer watching me.
" Say something" she whispered, not looking at me,as if she's talking with someone I can't see.
But it's me, she's talking to me.

I don't say anything. My lips open and shut.
She raised her gaze to meet mine. I haven't stopped looking at her, I can't.
" Anything" her tone is begging, soft, broken.

I'm losing it...
I'm losing her

I feel like that sixteen years old boy who let those who loved him the most die because of his selfish ambitions.
That boy I was when I killed my parents.
That fear of losing them... forever.

Fuck no.

I can't lose Hazel. I can't lose my Angel.

" Why won't you fucken say anything!" I'm not even startled by her sudden outburst.
I'm still struck.
I'm hurting her, breaking her.

But what do I say?.

" Stop looking at me like that!" She shrieked in anger.

How am I looking at her?.
As if reading my mind, she whispered in the most heartbreaking voice.

" Like I'm a mistake".

Wait what?.

" Fuck Hazel...." That's all I say.
Is that how she feels?

Is that how I'm looking at her?.

" You had this same look the first time we fucked at the Rings. You dip shit! What is your problem? Why won't you say anything?!" Her tears stream down her face as she stood and walked far from me, gripping her hair hard as she paced the room

How did everything just take a sudden turn.
I want to hold her, assure her that I can never think of her as a mistake but my fucken brain just shut down.

" Angel..."
" Don't fucken call me that! Get out" she yelled and stared dead at me.

She's kicking me out.
Out of my own house and I deserve it.
Because I don't even deserve to be in the same room as her.
She's too precious and I'm just a sick fuck who continuously hurt her.

Did Jayden ever hurt her this much?

Fuck fuck!.

" Hazel please"
" Don't talk to me Hagel,get out, please".
She's breaking apart.
And it hurts me more than anything.

I throw the pillow away as I pull my pants up and zip up.
Regretfully, I pick my gym bag and don't bother collecting the scattered groceries as I picked a t-shirt from the bag , pulled it over my head and turned the door.

I turned to look at her,she was watching me, the eyes that had watched me with desire and expectations, now watching me with hurt and anger. I don't move, I watch her.
Angrily, she picked an apple that rolled to her side and threw it at me, I docked fast even though I wasn't expecting that.

She's damn angry.
My heart break into a million pieces when I heard her loud sob as I shut the door.

I messed it all up.

***†***

I don't know how long I've been sitting outside but it's dark already and the clouds suddenly looks angry.
Angry at me.

I didn't mean to stay silent. I badly wanted to tell her the same words, even more.
But I just couldn't.
Already as we are, we can hardly stay off each other, admitting my feelings for her would complicate things now, as it's already complicated.

Monday I start work at the company. I found out about Jayden's dealings with the Mafia boss Hakeem.
Though I know little about their dealings, I have this gut feeling that Hakeem or someone in connection to that Mafia had something to do with the shooting. The one that resulted in Hazel going into coma.
There's more to dig up and every discovery leads to an even bigger one.

Bethany is planning something, I can feel it,see it in how secretive she is with her calls. How she acts when she thinks no one is watching.
I watched our home security cameras last Thursday and it showed her making a call in the terrace, apparently arguing with someone about "speeding the process".

There's a lot to be done and even though it hurts so much doing that to Hazel, I have no choice.
I can't be more obvious than I already am.
Already they know we're attracted to each other, probably suspects that we've been fucking.
But I can't risk letting them suspect that I know what they did.
I can't risk it.
Can't risk her....Angel.

I sigh and mess my hair and look up the dark skies. No star in sight. A single rain droplet fell on my eyebrow.
I signed deeply and looked back at the penthouse.

Earlier, Martha had come over to do some cleaning and cook. I allowed her in but I myself didn't dare go in. I shoot to my feet as I watched her approach. I trust Martha. She's been my house keeper for years now. She has seen me in all kinds of state but has never judged me. Always gives me advice. I know she'd know how to approach Hazel, how to get her to calm down.

" How is she?" I asked her worriedly as she neared me.
The kind woman smiled at me
" She's just fine, still angry at you though." She smiled at me.
I heave yet another sigh of relief.
" You never brought anyone over, I reckon she's special?" She asked with her usual cool smile.

I crack a weak smile and dig my hands in my pockets, saying nothing.
" Well I see why you like her. She's a wild one. Threatened to castrate you if she ever saw your face" she said and chuckled.

I smile at that.
Yeah, she's damn wild.

" I made some fresh meals, she's eaten so don't worry."
" Thank you Martha" I mumble.

" Look child, I don't know what happened but, don't lose her, you two are perfect. " She says kindly

She patted me on the back and added, " make it work".
With that, she walked away just as her husband's old truck pulled up.

The clouds darkened further as it started to drizzle hard.

Should I go in?
Or should I just stay the fuck out?.

I begin to soak up as the rain became heavy, hitting me angrily.

Well, I better go face her now.

But what do I say???

Tiana♥️