DIVERGENT: Tobias (Watty Award Winner 2013)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I can't just keep saying things without thinking them through! My hands grab fistfulls of my hair in frustration. Frustration and desperation. Ugh! I just want to scream. I want to scream out all of my problems and not have to worry about anyone hearing them! My whole life has been a complete and absolute waste until now. I feel like I can do something. I feel like I should do something. And that feeling is connected to one thing only, or rather one person.

Tris.

It all comes down to her. I don't know what it is about her that draws me closer and closer. I don't know what it is about her that makes me want to talk to her for hours and hours. It's just that every time I look at her I feel alive. I feel like I have a reason to live. And I don't know what to do to keep her safe. That's all I want. To keep her safe. All I want is for her to pass initiation and live her life. I need her to stay here, in the Dauntless compound. I need her to be where I am. I have to see her, to know that she is safe.

I don't even know where I'm going. My head is so swamped with Tris that my feet have wandered around by themselves. But I know where I am. It makes sense that I would end up here. That my feet would take me here without my mind knowing it. I only go here when I need to think or if I have work. I'm at the control room....again.

I walk in and sit in the familiar chair.....again. I stare up at the monitors and try to organize my thoughts. I take a big breath and let it out slowly to calm myself. What am I going to do? Anything that I try to do to fix the situation ends in disaster. Like the knives. Because of that, Tris probably hates me!. I've probably ruined my chances of her ever even wanting to talk to me again! And I can't have that. I need to hear her voice, to look into to her mesmerizing eyes. She's just too interesting for her sake. 

She's too interesting and curious and selfless and brave. Curious and selfless and brave. Erudite and Abnegation and Dauntless. Divergent. Everything she does makes me think she could be divergent. But she just can't be. She doesn't deserve a life of secrecy and deception. She deserves so much more. So much more than I can even give her. I'm divergent. Could she really be divergent too? 

Just the idea that she could be is terrifying! And soon I'll know for sure. Stage two will make it clear for me to identify anyone that is divergent. My thoughts never stray far from Tris and I fall asleep to my thoughts about her and the ever changing monitors in front of me.

A scream. That's all it takes to wake me up from my dreamless sleep. And I'm grateful for it. If I stayed asleep, I would have probably ended up dreaming...about her. I scan my eyes over the monitors looking for anything unusual, anything that may have triggered a scream.

But it wasn't just any scream. It was one of those blood-curdling screams. The kind that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Then I notice movement in the transfer initiate's dormitory and suddenly I feel empty.

I feel empty because more screams are coming from the dormitory and it's clear they belong to a girl. And the girl on the monitor is small, and skinny. Is it...Tris? Has Molly gotten her revenge? Is Tris hurt ? What is..? But I cut myself off and force myself to take a closer look at the screen. 

And then relief fills me. It's not Tris, it's Myra...but Myra isn't the one that's hurt. Edward is hurt, writhing on the floor in pain. And then I see Tris kneel down beside Edward and place her hands on his shoulder. ????? What is going on!? Edward is with Myra!

But this is Tris... I almost forgot. Curious and selfless and brave Tris. She is just helping Edward. Helping him when no one else is. Everyone else stands around the room and stares, including Myra. 

Tris kneels by Edward and eventually gets him to calm down and soon after, a nurse walks in. Tris stands up and moves out of the way so the nurse can get to Edward. It is clear that Tris's clothes are soaked. Soaked with blood. A large pool of Edward's blood lies near his bed. Everyone clears out of the room and soon it is empty. 

I stare at the screen for a while longer, as if willing for something else to happen. I wait and wait and wait and just as I'm about to get up and turn away, Tris walks into the dormitory carrying paper towels. She walks over to the pool of blood and starts to clean. Christina stands near the door and watches, but she never helps. 

It's hard for me to fall asleep again so I walk back to my apartment. I walk slowly and quietly. I'm only about five minutes from my apartment when I hear someone calling my name though. Great. All I want is to be left alone. I just want to go to my apartment and sleep. But I know I can't ignore the person calling my name. I would only have to pay for it later. 

"Four! Didn't you hear me calling you?" Eric asks me, slightly annoyed. "Anyway, I'm sure you've heard about what happened. Edward and Myra both decided to quit initiation. I need you to change the rankings on the blackboard tomorrow." 

"Fine." I tell him, instead of talking back. I don't need a fight right now. I turn and keep walking. When I finally reach my apartment, I open the door quickly and get inside quickly before anyone else can ask me anything. I stumble inside, close the door and plop down on the bed. I didn't realize how exhausted I was. I don't even change out of my clothes because the minute my head hits my pillow, I'm unconscious.

I sleep in and wake up around ten. I only have one thing to do today and then I have no other obligations. Still dressed in my clothes from yesterday, I leave my apartment and head over to the transfer initiate's dormitory. When I get there, no one is inside. I walk over to the blackboard, grab a piece of chalk and cross out Edward and Myra's names. Then I change the rankings. Everyone goes up one. Peter is first, Will is second, Christina is third, Molly is fourth, Tris....Tris is fifth, Drew is sixth and Al is seventh. I leave the dormitory quickly and plan to hang in  my apartment for the day. 

"Hey, Four!" Great there go my plans. Zeke waves at me from the dining hall and starts jogging over to me."Where have you been? I haven't seen you since initiation started!" He says.

"I don't know, I've just been kind of busy with the initiates and stuff." I tell him. 

"Well, you wanna grab something to eat? I was just going to go to the dining hall before I head out to go zip-lining with everyone." He tells me and I mentally cringe at the thought of zip-lining... way too high up for me. "Speaking of which, wanna come with us?" Zeke asks me.

"Um... No thanks I'll pass. I actually have to..."

He cuts me off before I can finish though. "You never come with us! This is tradition you have to! Please! You can help me make fun of the initiates! Come on!" 

"No Zeke. I really have to stay here. I promised Tori I would help her with this thing." I say blankly.

"Ugh Fine. But you don't know what you're missing!" Zeke says.

We both grab a burger and some cake from the dining hall and eat. Zeke talks, trying to keep a conversation going, but my lack of attention isn't helping and soon we are just sitting in silence until he has to leave. I get up and wander around the compound, lost in thought. 

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Okay! The 11th chapter! How was it guys!?!?!

A horrible failure or a great success?

Anyways, please comment your thoughts! I love your comments!

Thanks

-Amanda :)