DIVERGENT: Tobias (Watty Award Winner 2013)

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I wake up with a pounding headache. I stare around my room in confusion. What happened last night? I stare down at myself, fully-dressed. And then the events of last night rush back into my mind. I saw her. I spoke to her as me, not  as Four. Without thinking about it my face lifts into a smile and I can't escape the thought that I'm going to see her again today. 

But maybe that isn't such a good thing. Today she has another simulation and this could be the decider. Divergent or not? A shudder runs down my spine just thinking about the possibility. The one person I've ever truly learned to care about couldn't end up Divergent. It just wouldn't be fair....But when have things ever been fair for me. The reserved abnegation kid whose mother left him and whose father beat him. Yeah I wouldn't exactly call that fair.

I sigh and get up. I walk over to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. I need to wake up. I have to test all of the imitates again, but more importantly, I have to watch for signs. Or more signs, I should say.

But I am really only motivated to see her simulation. To confirm my suspicions, or more hopefully, prove them wrong. And I think she's the only thing getting me to keep moving. Just the thought of being in the small room again. With her. But it's crazy to think that should would ever get over the person she has come to know. The harsh, emotionless instructor. Staring at my face in the mirror I wonder what anyone would ever see in me. What she could ever see in me. 

And then I look away. I don't need to push myself down anymore. It reminds me too much of the reason I left home. But then again it never really felt like home. No where has ever felt like home.....until now. Home is the place where you want to be and the only place that I've ever wanted to be is here, right now. and that's is solely because of her. It's not that home is here. It's that home is wherever she is. 

The realization hits me...hard. And I just keep thinking. What am I going to do if she doesn't make it through initiation? She'll be forced to join the factionless and what will happen to me? I mean, I was planning on leaving anyway. And home is wherever she is. I would follow her anywhere so long as it meant I could gaze into her eyes endlessly or feel the comfort of her body next to mine.

I dress quickly and head over to the simulation room, eager for once to start the training. But not the whole training.... just her training. And that thought fills my head for several hours as I watch the other initiate's simulations. Her image sticks to my mind and thoughts of her never leave. And, surprisingly, the day passes by faster.

Then it happens. I no longer have to simply think of her because she's right in front of me. And the feeling that envelops me is almost like a sense of relief. Like when you realize you've been underwater for too long and you come up for air. Yes...that's exactly what it is. Tris is my air. I take in every detail of her facing, willing it to my memory and I notice how scared she looks. This isn't how I want to remember her. And I have to reassure her that she doesn't need to be scared. That she's safe as long as I'm around. 

But I can't promise that. And that is what kills me. Can I ever assure her that she would be safe with me? With a faction that can kill you for no reason at all and call it a suicide? No, I can't. But I will do everything in my power to protect her. She deserves a life, she deserves a future. And whether I'm part of that future or not, she deserves it.

She sits in the metal chair, breathing in and out through her nose, trying to calm herself.

"it's just a simulation, Tris." My lips tell her, but my eyes scream everything that I can't say. Everything will be all right. There's no need to worry. I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I'm here...You can trust me.