Soul searching that's what life's been like these past few weeks without Drew and I together. Although I must admit the first few days I spent in bed only to get up to go to the hospital.
Franky begged me to get up to go out with them more than just a few times, but I declined every time. Turns out Drew himself stopped going out too after I no showed the first two times.
Now the whole friend group says they feel off without us. When I'm crying Franky tells me it was my idea to take the break and why don't I just get back together. But it was more than that. It was finding enough in me to give as much as he was into the relationship.
The diner opened back up finally so I spent most of my days there. Drew had gone up for the weekend to his parents. That was the trip I was supposed to go on. We didn't text or call and it was eating me up inside.
Rudy said Drew hasn't been the same. Super quiet and to himself. Nobody can really get to him anymore expect on film days when he was just as good as I was covering up the fact that we were now just two broken individuals.
As for the killer bug in me that we've all been dying to know about. It's been going more than just great. The doctor said that if it stays on this route I'll be ringing the bell by the end of summer which was a month and almost a half away.
Which means hair can grow back and most importantly my will to live. Oh and I dug up my guitar from my closet. All dusty and tuned out, but I took it over to grandpas and he tuned it for me.
Which leads me to my next thing. The song I promised Drew I'd finish. Had more free time now as I barely went out. When the apartment would be empty without franky or Austin. I'd pull it out, finding out quickly that it was slowly bringing me back to where I wanted to be.
At ease and in peace with life. I sat in the same hospital chair, needle placed in the same position. People watching became my thing with this old lady next to me who I made friends with. Her name was Jeanne strong at seventy two.
She helped me these last few weeks, almost becoming like my guardian angel sent from my parents. She would say things that reminded me of my mom. And that's when I started to believe in miracles.
"Any word on that boy?" She said looking over at me as she adjusted her scarf around her bald head as I shook my head. "He went up north to visit his family for the weekend but that's about it haven't heard from him in almost two weeks" I said as she raised her eyebrows.
"You miss him?" She said as I nodded. "A lot actually I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I've taken to long" I said as she shook her head. "Oh please the minute you reach out I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to get back with you in a heartbeat" she said as I softly smiled playing with my rings.
"This guy Austin in our friend group his birthday is tomorrow which is the 30th of July. Rented out a restaurant downtown and then hotel rooms so we don't have to drive back up to our apartments" I said as she smirked looking at me.
"No Jeanne I know what you're thinking" I said raising a finger at her as she put her hands up in defense softly chuckling. "Hey I'm just saying if he's there don't be shy go claim what's yours. You say you love him and basically all our conversations have been about him. I'm just waiting on the day you walk in telling me you guys are together again" she said as I laughed softly.
"I'm kinda scared though" I said as she looked over at me shaking her head. "Shane love is always going to be scary. When I met my husband Bill oh we would fight all the time. But that never stopped us from leaving or fighting to make it work. It's all about knowing what you want and be the back bone for one another. That's the key to lasting long. Be on the same page and if you're not work to get there regardless of the circumstances" she said as I sat there looking at her.
"You're twenty three he's twenty seven you both want each other but neither of you are doing anything about it, you won't see other people you want talk about other people. Back in my day we called that love stricken" she said as she looked at me.
"You know what that means?" She said as I shook my head. "It means you're so in love with each other it's almost like your heads in the clouds. Like a high. I get it you thought he deserved someone who is capable to give him what he deserves"
"And maybe you were right. But I think what scared you was more of where this was going to lead you" she said pointing at my needle. "Then actually were the relationship was going to lead you. He deserves you and vice versa" she said as I nodded.
"Bill always told me I was his happiness keeping him afloat and honey that's you for him" she said. "Now I know you're probably sitting there thinking you might look stupid only lasting a few weeks before calling it on again right?" She said as I nodded looking up at her.
"Am I going to look stupid?" I said as she scoffed shaking her head. "Absolutely not. You needed time off to find purpose in your life after being diagnosed. There's nothing wrong with that"
"But you have to understand when you say you want to fight this. That means not letting it push away from people and things that make you happy honey" she said sympathetically. "You either let it destroy you or you destroy it there's no in between"
Drews p.o.v
I hovered my finger over her name on my phone. My leg was shaking up and down as I nervously stared at it. I missed her and it was eating me up inside. Puffy eyes became my signature look and although everyone's been trying to be there for me they just simply weren't her.
"You should just call her" my mom said as she sat down next to me on our porch staring at my phone screen.
"I don't know" I said shaking my head as I leaned forward turning my phone off and holding it in my hands. I looked forward at our yard as she chuckled. I looked over at her scrunching my eyebrows.
"Why are you laughing?" I said confused at her reaction as she shook her head resting her hand on my back. "When you where little there was this dog a golden retriever your grandparents had named honey" she said as i looked down on the porch floor listening to her story.
I had a soft spot for stories like this and she knew it too. "You begged your dad to get you one, and then when that didn't work you tried asking me and when I swore we wouldn't get any animals inside the house you begged your grandparents to convince us"
She let out a soft laugh thinking about the memory, "but you asked every single day I'm talking every morning I'd get you ready you'd ask and every night I tucked you in you'd ask. You never stopped until we got you one and you named it Ollie" she said as I smiled remembering her.
"Why are you sharing this with me though?" I asked as she smiled softly watching me as I leaned back still holding my phone in my hands. "Because I'm trying to tell you when you wanted something you never stopped going for it until you got it. You kept asked even when we said no. And now I know you want her" she said resting her hand on mine as she held it.
"Why are you here? And not there trying to get her back honey" she said as I shrugged. "Mom she was the one who ended things not me though" I said sadly as she shook her head. "That doesn't matter we were the ones who said no to Ollie and you still ended up getting her. You have to fight for what you love not wait around and be depressed all day. Show her you want her, show her you need her" she said as I sat there processing what she was telling me.
