1:30am
I blinked my eyes open in the dark as I felt pain in my lower back. I turned to my side extending my arm out to Drew who was sound asleep next to me. "Baby" I said wincing in pain as I closed my eyes tightly.
"Drew" I said pushing his shoulder a little harder this time so he could wake up. "Yea baby" He tiredly said as I reached for the night light on the side of the bed and turned it on. "My lower back is in so much pain" I said trying to sit up but I couldn't move.
"Hold on okay, hold on" Drew said waking up and getting out of bed as he ran to the other side grabbing ahold of my hand before gently pulling me up as I winced in pain. "let me go get you some pain medication" He said as I sat there on the side of bed grabbing ahold of my lower back trying to massage it to make it feel better.
Drew walked back into the room within seconds with Rudy behind. Rudy slept in the guest bedroom as he stayed later then expected and didn't feel like driving home. "Shay you okay?" He said walking over as I took the medication from Drew and swallowed it with some water i had on our night stand.
"My lower back is in so much pain" I said wincing as I took deep breaths in and out. The boys stayed silent for a moment then walked over to me. "Here do you want to try getting up?" Drew said as I nodded.
Rudy went on my left side grabbing ahold of my arm as Drew did the same with the other as I slowly got up with there help. Silence filled the air around us as neither of us wanted to say a thing. They let go of my arms slowly as I moved them to my lower back taking small footsteps throughout the door.
"I need to go to the doctors like now" I said wincing in pain as my breaths began to get painful. "Honey are you okay" My grandpa said appearing in the doorway with a concerned expression. I shook my head as he inched closer to me grabbing ahold of my arm.
"I'll take her to the doctors" he said as Drew shook his head, "Grandpa it's okay I'll take her you and Grandma stay here with the girls" I shook my head this time. "Drew you stay with the girls" I said looking up at him as he had a worried expression.
"It's okay" I said as Drew looked at Rudy, "Can you go with her?" Drew said as he nodded walking on the other side of me as we walked towards the door. Drew helping me put my shoes on as they all gathered around me to get me to the car carefully.
Grandma appeared outside on the walkway as she covered her mouth unable to say a word. "I will be fine" I said closing my eyes hoping she could hear me as Drew kissed my cheek and shut the door softly. Rudy hopped in on the other side next to me as Grandpa got in the drivers side heading towards the hospital.
"You're going to be okay" Rudy said softly as he rested his hand on top of mine. Unable to have the strength to move let alone open my heavy eyes I built up a small amount of energy and squeezed his hand softly.
***
3am
Laying in the hospital bed with beeping noises around me, I was going in and out of consciousness unable to understand what the mumbling was about around me. I opened my eyes softly realizing an oxygen mask was on me.
I turned my head to see Rudy and Grandpa standing with one of the doctors. Rudy holding Grandpas arm as if the worst news was being given. Was it bad news? Am I dying? What is going to happen to me?
I tried to lift my arm to take the oxygen mask off so I could speak but I was unable to build any strength at the moment. A small tear slipped from my eyes. I was feeling hopeless and I hate feeling hopeless. Unable to have any control.
I winced as Rudys face moved to me. He frantically tapped the doctor and pointed at me as they all gathered around me. He called the nurses in the room as my eyes closed again.
***
3:30am
I opened my eyes no oxygen mask on me, only Rudy in the room. "Rudy" I whispered as he moved his attention to me instead of the floor in front of him. "Wheres Grandpa?" I asked as he moved his chair closer to me.
"He went out to find coffee somewhere in this hospital" He said as I smiled softly. "What's happening?" I said as he sighed, I watched his hand move to the control on the side of the bed as he pressed a red button. "They'll come in and explain" He said as his voice cracked and he looked away.
I saw a nurse and a doctor come walking in. The nurse smiling softly at me as she checked my vitals as the doctor stood at the end of my bed. "Hi Shane how are you feeling?" he said as I shrugged. "I feel weak" I said as he nodded softly breaking eye contact and looked at Grandpa who had just walked in the room with two cups of coffee.
He smiled at me as if we weren't in a hospital room, but rather like when he would take me when I was little to a carnival with Grandma and we were waiting for him to come back with some ice cream. Even in the hardest times in life he always knew not to show how he was really feeling.
I always told him its not good to hold anything in, letting it out is what heals us. He handed one coffee to Rudy as they both set their coffee cups on the side table. "We ran a few test results and scans on you" The doctor said as I nodded.
"Your cancer is unfortunately back and at this stage it is not only affecting the areas it did before, it spread to your bones causing you that pain you were feeling. With some medicine we were able to elevate that pain for a little, but"
"But chemo again?" I said as he looked at Grandpa then back at me. "Well I wish I could say yes, but there is no guarantee it is going to help like it did before, I advise not to do chemo as it is not medically necessary as far as how badly the cancer is spreading throughout your body" He said as I shook my head.
"No I have kids, I have kids" I said shaking my head as I closed my eyes lifting my hands to my eyes as tears began to stream down my face. "I am so sorry Shane I wish there was something we could do" He said as Rudy got up and wrapped his arm around me as I leaned into his chest.
"Could you give us a moment alone" Grandpa said to the nurse and doctor as they nodded there head and walked quietly out of the room. Rudy got up and stepped out of the room as I covered my eyes with my hands.
"Shay" Grandpa said softly feeling a dip on the side of the bed. I felt his hand grab mine as he interlocked them. "Look at me" He said softly as I opened my tear filled eyes. "Grandpa my girls, Drew" I said shaking my head as he nodded his head rubbing the top of my hand with his free one.
"When you were little you always used to tell me how you never wanted to live a day without me and Grandma, because losing us would mean living without us you said, and you asked me in your little baby voice, grandpa I can't do that" He said smiling at the thought as I stared at him.
"Grandpa" I said as I frowned.
"I need you to know that it was always you we couldn't live without" He said frowning as he wiped his eyes quickly. "Repeat after me okay?" He said as I nodded.
"I am strong"
"I am strong"
"I am powerful"
"I am powerful"
"I am fearless"
"I am fearless" my voice cracking as he looked at me both our eyes were glossy. He pulled my hand up to his lips as he kissed the back of my hand.
"I love you with my whole heart" He whispered.
"I love you with my whole heart" I whispered back.
***
End of Chapter 44
Buckle up it's going to be a ride as we are nearing the end of Me and You loveysss
