Self-love and acceptance (for a spiritual teen)

my princess phase

(a.k.a ughhh i just wanna be feminine)

somewhere along the line, i found myself constantly suppressing my feminity. while i truly wasn't the fan of anything pink (i liked green), i didn't find it repulsive or anything. and 'repulsive' is the exact word quite a few of my friends (of my age), constantly called it. just to be cool.

i used to love wearing skirts and light gowns, but the 'looks' i got from my peers for just not wearing sweatpants or jeans all the time had quite an effect on me at 12 through 15 years of age.

so yeah, i kind of forced myself to get out of the 'princess phase'- probably a good thing because i don't exactly act like an entitled 7 year old anymore- and just went with being as invisible and unnoticable as possible.

but what i have realised is, i simply do not have enough self confidence anymore. i'm certainly nowhere near as assertive as i'd love to be.

now that i'm 17, i genuinely regret downplaying every single thing about myself. it almost feels like i don't matter, and am not even a real person anymore. and i think that's where the real problem lies.

express yourself freely and try to ignore those who try to put you down. if you have the confidence, you can even confront these people and know exactly what their problem is. if it's something that can't be helped, then you might have to continue being the way you wanna be and go back to ignoring. (be sure to be civil. there's a whole lot of people who use bad mental health as an excuse to be straight up horrible human beings.)

and of course, we have to consider the flip side. stay more aware of yourself and your thoughts. do you think you judge people? unnecessarily?

for example, let's consider the beloved kardashian family. whatever surgeries the sisters did or did not get is quite literally no one's business.  but i find it really hard to get someone to talk about how funny kylie or kim were, rather than their appearances.

either way. let's take a little moment to let the truth sink in. self improvement starts from being a little more self-centred. maybe not to the point where you don't notice who you're talking to and what their mood is. but just to the point where you are freeing yourself from having an opinion on how they look/dress/etc. 

(of course, when you're asked about it, be as nice as possible) i remember when i had gained a little weight and my friends said i suited my dark academia clothes more that way? and for some reason it made me really happy.

and of course, to conclude- no matter what others say, don't settle for something you don't like. there will come a point when everybody will realise and of course, manage to even free themselves from their mindset.

this doesn't just apply to clothes. it applies to personality, education, career, etc.

stay blessed. xx