Chasing Daylight

Chapter Forty-Eight

Step into the Daylight and let it go

-Taylor Swift

When Max, Mason, Sophie, and I got off the plane my Uncle was waiting for us with the biggest grin on his face.

"Oh it's so good to have you home," he grinned instantly wrapping me in a hug.

"I missed you," I sighed into his warm embrace.

"How were your last few weeks? I saw you got all a's again," he smiled as I pulled away.

"Really good," I replied. "We all did."

"I'm so proud of you three," he replied patting my head and giving Max and Mason warm grins. "Are we ready to head out?"

We all nodded and followed him out to the car. The feeling of the cool and fresh Maine air instantly hit us and I was reminded of just how nice it could feel in the summers. It was beautiful and sunny and it would be the perfect day for what I had planned.

"Uncle Mark, do you think you could take us one place before we head home?" I asked.

"Of course sweetheart," he smiled. "Where do you want to go?"

"Could we have a picnic where we normally do?" I asked.

"Absolutely," he nodded. Mason looked at me quizzically, but I just gave a shrug. He smiled at me and gave my arm a squeeze before letting me get into the passenger seat. We were all quiet on the ride. Everyone was busy looking out the windows taking in the beautiful lush forests around us.

"It's beautiful here," Max said absentmindedly.

"Wait until we go camping in Acadia. You'll love it," I said with a smile. It wasn't often I got to see Max like this- a boyish wonder in his eyes and unfiltered positivity and excitement.

"I can't wait," Max replied eyes still glued to the window.

When we pulled up to the cemetery, I had come to know all too well, I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"Do you mind if I just have a few minutes alone first?" I asked biting my lip.

"Take all the time you need," Uncle Mark nodded. When I looked back at Mason, Max, and Sophie they both gave me nods. I got out of the car and moved to the familiar three stones I hadn't seen since last summer. I pictured them often and they showed up in my dreams most nights, so seeing them after all this time didn't at all seem like it had been close to a year. I crouched down, so I was at eye level with the three headstones.

"Hi guys," I sighed running my hands through my hair.

--

Mason

Watching Mariacrouch down to be at level with the graves was like a punch in the gut. It just made everything feel so much more real. This was her life before she met us and this was what was looming over her head every day she pretended to be fine.

"Those are for her parents and sister right?" Max asked softly.

"Yeah, she used to come here all the time to talk to them," Mark replied gently.

"She still does," Max said softly. "She lets me talk to them too. I think between the two of us we're keeping them all very busy."

"I didn't know that," I said softly looking up at Max.

"She told me on Thanksgiving when I was feeling shitty. She said if I ever wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't judge, I could talk to them. I heard her talking to them around the time of the trial too. She won't talk to Kailey though. She only talks to her mom and dad. She said she wasn't ready to talk to Kailey yet. She was afraid Kailey was upset with her."

"She questions whether or not she really did the right thing hiding the letter and telling us about the letter," I nodded in agreement.

"She's always cared about everyone else's feelings," Mark sighed. "I know you boys are helping her get the support she needs and I hope this right now is helping her get some form of closure."

"She'll be okay," I said as I watched her stand up. I was surprised to find that she had a smile resting on her face. She raised her arm and waved us over and I knew that this moment meant more to her than anything else we had ever done or said to one another.

--

Maria

"Before I say anything else, I just need to talk to Kailey for a minute," I said staring at the grave I had only seen once in my life. "I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry for everything. I'm sorry I didn't notice that you weren't okay and I'm sorry that I spilled your secret. I'm sorry if I hurt you, upset you, or broke your trust. At the same time though, I know that you will never stop loving me. We used to fight as sisters all the time, but at the end of the day, we were laughing again as we brushed our teeth. No matter where we are or what has happened, nothing will change how much we love each other. I'm so sorry I haven't spoken to you this year, it just took me a while to realize all of this. I hope you know I love you endlessly."

During my speech I had let a few stray tears slip, so now I wiped them and took a breath before continuing on to address my entire family.

"I thought when I came, here again, I would feel the same, but I don't," I said the stones staring back at me. I gently traced my fingers over the names on each stone. "I thought I would feel the same guilt and grief that I always used to, but I don't. I used to just sit here and cry wondering why I was alive instead of any of you. I'm sure you all remember that, but I don't feel that way anymore. Of course, I still miss you and it is completely unfair that I lost you all, but I know that that doesn't mean I shouldn't be happy or stop living my life. I've been gone for a while and I met some really amazing people while I was gone. They helped me see that I could be okay and that I could be normal and live a life where I didn't constantly have people pitying and coddling me. They treat me like everyone else, but at the same time they love and care for me in a way I haven't felt since before, I lost the three of you. I'm glad that we're finally all here because now that they are such integral parts of my life, I think it's important that I introduce all of you. I wish you were all here now, but I know that this is all I could ask for."

I stood up then turning to the car patiently waiting for me and I knew that no matter what, the people in that car would wait for me forever. I lifted my arm and waved them over knowing that this encounter was exactly what I needed before I could officially commit to my life in Washington. Max, Sophie, and Mason came to stand next to me and I wrapped my arm around Mason's shoulders leaning my head on his arm as I gently took Max's hand.

"Mom, Dad, Kailey meet the people who saved me."