Flames of the Night (Flames Series #1)

CHAPTER 22

Chapter 22

“I love you, Dad,” halos hindi ko marinig ang sarili kong boses nang sabihin ko ‘yon habang luhaang nakatingin sa kabaong niyang ngayon ay unti-unti ng bumaba sa lupa. I didn’t know telling those words to him could be this heartbreaking.

Seeing his casket moving downward through the frigid casket lowering device, I painfully cried my heart out. Hinila ako ni Klein at ikinulong niya ako sa katawan niya saka hinayaang sa kanya ko iiyak ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I almost fainted if it wasn’t for him who’s comforting me right now.

Ang sakit kasi. Sobra. Nawalan ako ng anak kamakailan lang. Ngayon naman ay ang tatay ko. Bakit kinailangang magkasunod sila? Bakit kailangang silang dalawa? Did I do something wrong for me to be punished like this? Do I deserve to lose them? Do I deserve this pain?

Matapos ng libing, unti-unti ng nagsialisan ang mga tao habang ako ay nagpaiwan. I was sitting in front of Dad’s grave with my knees tucked up and let my tears filled my face again.

“Rhian,” Jana called me. She sat beside me and embraced me. Doon na naging matunog ang iyak ko. “Tama na, Rhian. You’ve been crying all day long. Please, stop crying now.”

I shook my head because of what she said. “I can’t accept it, Jana. I just can’t.”

“Alam kong masakit pero kailangan nating tanggapin, Rhian. I know they are already in God’s hands. Let them rest in peace.” Napasiksik na lamang ako sa kanya. Sa totoo lang kasi ay hindi ko alam kung kailan ko matatanggap ang pagkawala nila. Ang alam ko lang ay sobra akong nasasaktan ngayon.

After that burial, I went home, walked straight to my room, and locked myself there. Since I got home, I did nothing but stare from nowhere. Katulad nung naramdaman ko nung nawala ang anak ko, pakiramdam ko’y namatay na rin ako.

Doon muna ako sa bahay pansamantalang nagstay. Lagi naman nila akong binibisita at kinakausap ngunit wala ako sa konsentrasyon para makinig sa kanila. It’s like hearing their words on my right ear and let them gone on the left.

They always comfort me, gave me words of encouragement but it’s of no use because the pain was still there. It was still carved in my heart. As days passed by, the pain got worse and worse until I found myself crying over and over and over again.

Every time I remember them, I tried not to cry but my tears always win. How could I be able to accept if things happened suddenly? Like they were here with me yesterday but they’re gone the next day? It was tough. It was hard.

After almost two weeks of staying in our house, Klein dropped there to get me. Habang nasa byahe papuntang Olsen Tower, tahimik lamang ako sa tabi. Kinakausap niya ako ngunit tanging tango, iling, at pilit na ngiti lamang ang sagot ko sa kanya.

The past weeks were so stressful. My heart and mind deteriorated. I even isolated myself yet the people who cared for me checked me from time to time. Just by the efforts they made to cheer me up, I can’t thank them enough.

“Are you sure about it?” Tango lamang ang isinagot ko kay Klein saka ko isinuot iyong black blazer ko. Nakaupo ito sa gilid ng kama habang pinagmamasdan ako nang maigi. Naroon din ‘yung pag-aalala sa kanyang mata.

Sa halos dalawang buwang nagdaan kasi, wala na akong ibang ginawa kundi ang magmukmok sa gilid ng kwarto. Some days, I found myself okay. Some days, I found myself crying. That became my daily routine — a sad routine I never expected I could get used to.

Although they are with me all the time my heart felt so lonely and down. If I continue to be like this, I’m afraid of what might happen to me. So better if I could spend my time working again in the company to help myself move on from the pain inflicted by my loss.