The Giant and His Light : Book 2

Part Forty One

My legs threatened to give out on me but I held on the bed and tried to stay upright. I couldn't have a meltdown down. No. I needed to go after him. My giant. My poor giant! My heart was in pain for him. Just a minute ago he had looked broken...destroyed. Oh my God! Please no. Not my giant. When I got downstairs, he was gone. Gone people. I looked for him everywhere in the house even down in the basement. Nothing. He was gone. I panicked and climbed up the stairs as fast as I could. I needed to call one of his friends. I mean, where could he have gone to? He had no car because his car keys were in the dresser next to his side of the bed together with his two phones. So he was out there without a car and his phones, and he was still in his drawstring pants when he ran out. So could you guys just imagine him being out there, wherever that was, in that state all alone. It worried me. More than worried me. I was frantic. I speed dialed Xolile and he answered within the first two rings and I rushed to tell him some of what had happened and that the giant had ran off. Which was a struggle because my voice was still not wanting to cooperate with me and I was also rushing speaking over my words since I was in a frantic mode.
Xolile: "Woah woah woah Super. Slow down...calm down and tell me what happened again." Even though his voice sounded groggily since I woke him up, he was in alert mode.
Me: "Zano is gone Xolile!" I shouted but my voice came out strained and painful... "just please find him Xolile please. Wherever he is he is without his car and phones. So just please-."
Xolile: "Say no more Busi. I'll find him okay?"
Me: "Please hurry. I-I'm scared that...he...he might do something to...hurt himself."
Xolile: "Fuck..." He cursed... "okay Supe, I'll find him before he does anything. Don't worry. I'll call you back when I do find him." He hung up. I stood there for the longest time not knowing what to do. I kept checking the time waiting for to get a word from Xolile. My chest constricted painfully when I thought about the way the giant's face looked before he ran off. I still heard no word from Xolile even after 20 minutes. Before I could lose my mind and have a breakdown I decided to call Dr. Sherman. After a while she answered.
Dr. Sherman: "Hello." She greeted with her voice full of sleep.
Me: "Hey Dr. Sherman, it's me."
Dr. Sherman: "Busi?" I heard movement from her side.
Me: "Sorry for calling you so late and waking you up." I sniffed.
Dr. Sherman: "No it's fine. What's wrong? Did something happen? And what's up with your voice?"
Me: "It's Zano." I cried.
Dr. Sherman: "Hey don't cry Busi. Tell me what happened with Zano? Is he okay? Are you okay?"
Me: "Please help him Dr. Sherman. Please." I cried... "he doesn't want to talk to me...he has closed me out."
Dr. Sherman: "What do you mean? You will have to be specific Busi dear. Tell me what happened."
Me: "He's been having nightmares for a week now..." I sniffed... "and today...today was...was bad."
Dr. Sherman: "When you say nightmares, you mean he has been having nightmares about what happened to him in his past?"
Me: "Yes."
Dr. Sherman: "So what happened? Where is Zano now?"
Me: "I don't know. After...after...he strangled me-."
Dr. Sherman: "Strangled you?" She asked alarmed.
Me: "It's not like that Dr. Sherman. I was trying to rise him from sleep when he held me by my neck. I think he thought he was strangling his...his father."
Dr. Sherman: "Oh. I see. That would do it."
Me: "After he woke up and realized that the person he had been strangling was me-."
Dr. Sherman: "He became devastated." She finished.
Me: "More than devastated. The self-hatred and brokenness I saw in his eyes was too much Dr. Sherman."
Dr. Sherman: "I'm sure. You're the most precious and important person in his life and him hurting you would cause him to self-hate and break."
Me: "I don't know what to do Dr. Sherman. Please tell me what I can do." I cried.
Dr. Sherman: "Hey hey Busi, please don't cry. Try to stay calm okay? Stress is not good for you in your condition. And you need to be strong for Zano and your baby." I sniffed nodding. She was right. This was not the time for me to be crying. My husband was out there suffering and in pain. He needed me. He needed me to be strong for him as he would be if the roles were reversed. But he had shut me out. Why had he shut me out? It hurt and pissed me off that he didn't let me in. How was I supposed to help him and be there for him if he pushed me away? Because I think if he had talked to me about the nightmares, what happened tonight wouldn't have happened. We wouldn't have reached this point of him strangling me.... "can you think of something that would trigger his nightmares?" I shook my head and then I remembered that she couldn't see me.
Me: "No I can't think of anything..." I told her thinking... "maybe the thought of being a father...scared him and triggered his nightmares?" I posed it as a question.
Dr. Sherman: "It could be but I don't think it's only that. Something else must have happened." She told me... "did he take his phone with when he ran out?"
Me: "No he didn't."
Dr. Sherman: "So I won't be able to call him. Damn. Um okay let me think for a sec..." She kept quiet.
Me: "I called one of his friends to look for him. He said he'll call me back when he finds him."
Dr. Sherman: "Okay then, let's do this Busi dear. Send me the number of this friend then I'll contact him and hopefully I'll be able to talk to Zano."
Me: "Um...okay. I'll send it to you."
Dr. Sherman: "Yes do that." My phone beeped, I looked at it, it indicated that I had another incoming call. It was Xolile. Oh thank God! He must be calling to tell me that he found the giant. Finally!
Me: "Um Dr.Sherman I have another incoming call from the friend I was just telling you about. I'm sure he has found Zano."
Dr. Sherman: "Oh yes please answer him and hear what he says and don't forget to send me his number."
Me: "Okay I won't."
Dr. Sherman: "And Busi?"
Me: "Yes?"
Dr. Sherman: "Remember to stay strong. We'll find a way to help Zano and get through this together."
Me: "Thank you Dr.Sherman." Then I quickly answered Xolile's call... "did you find him?"
Xolile: "Yes." I sagged to the floor in relief. Oh thank God!
Me: "Is he okay? He's not hurt or anything right?"
Xolile: "No Supe, he's not okay-." A scream and a broken cry in the background cut him off. I could also hear the familiar "smack smack smack" in the background of someone hitting the punching bag. I put my fist against my mouth to stop the painful sob that wanted to come out. Oh my God! That was my giant! That screaming and crying was terrible and excruciating for me to hear people. My giant was really suffering people! ... "as you can hear Supe, the dude is not doing okay."
Me: "Bring him home to me please."
Xolile: "I don't think that's a good idea Supe. The guys and I will stay with him until he gets out all that he's feeling inside and then we'll bring him home to you." I was shaking my head even before he finished what he was saying. No. I hated that plan. I'm the one who should be with him now. He needed me. And to be honest, I also needed him.
Me: "No Xolile. Bring him home to me. He needs me. Please. Bring him to me." I pleaded. He sighed.
Xolile: "Sorry Supe but that's not going to be possible right now-."
Me: "Xolile please-."
Xolile: "We tried getting him in the car to take him home but he fought the hell with us so we decided to let him be. To let him get out whatever that is bothering him, then when he's completely drained we'll take him home to you." Tears rolled down my face.
Me: "How bad is he?" He exhaled deeply.
Xolile: "It's not looking good Supe. Don't want to lie. I've never seen him like this." Oh my God! My heart! I held my chest. It hurt so so badly... "what the hell happened Busi? Are the scratches on his arms your doing?" I closed my eyes tightly remembering how I had to scratch and claw at his arms so that he doesn't kill me in his sleep.
Me: "Yes." I said in a broken whisper.
Xolile: "What the fuck Busi!" He exploded... "tell me what happened because my brother looks destroyed right now." I swallowed my sob and told him what happened... "fuck...shit Busi...no wonder he's like this. Fuck. This is bad."
Me: "It's not his fault-."
Xolile: "He won't see it like that. He hurt you. I don't think you get how and what this is doing to him-."
Me: "I do-."
Xolile: "No you don't." He cut me off... "you're his everything. And with his own two hands, he almost killed you. He will hate himself for hurting you and the guilt of it all will eat him alive for as long as he lives." Oh my God! My poor giant! Please. No.
Me: "He shouldn't feel any guilt. I don't blame him. He was having a nightmare..." I trailed off... "I honestly don't know what triggered these sudden nightmares!" I exploded.
Xolile: "I think I may have an idea." I sat up alarmed.
Me: "What? Tell me."
Xolile: "How could I forget? Shit." He was speaking to himself.
Me: "Xolile tell me. What triggered the nightmares? What did you forget?" I asked frantic. He groaned
Xolile: "I can't believe I forgot." He said in frustration.
Me: "Xolile!"
Xolile: "His mother and sister's birthday are coming up and he always has nightmares leading up to both of their birthdays. His mother's birthday is on the 26th when his sister's is on the 29th of this month." He told me. Oh my God! No wonder. My poor giant! When will he stop suffering for what his father did to his mother and sister? ... "and I think the nightmares were worse this time because of little corn bread. Even though he's happy that you're guys are going to have a child, the dude is still terrified of becoming a father."
Me: "Why didn't he tell me about his mother and sister's birthdays?" I said more to myself than Xolile. Xolile: "I'm sure he didn't want to burden you."
Me: "Burden me? That's a load of crap. I'm his wife Xolile and we promised each other to be transparent  especially when it came to our demons. We promised to be there for one another and to allow the other to be there for the other one who's suffering." I told him heatedly... "but he closed me off completely. He broke our promise." Xolile sighed.
Xolile: "Don't hate him Supe. He's a man after all and sometimes we hide things from you women, to protect you guys."
Me: "That's stupid. Look at what happened in the end? And this could've been avoided if he had been open in the very beginning about everything when I asked him about the nightmares."
Xolile: "I guess."
Me: "Just watch him and take care of him. Don't let him hurt himself."
Xolile: "Go it."
Me: "And bring him home to me."
Xolile: "You got it Supe." I exhaled wiping my tears... "and you take care of yourself Supe. Stress is not good for little corn bread."
Me: "I know. I'll try to hang on until you bring him home to me."
Xolile: "Nothing will happen to him with us here. Don't worry."
Me: "Thank you."
Xolile: "No thanks needed."
Me: "I'll send your number to our therapist so when she calls please pick up. It would be good for Zano to speak with her."
Xolile: "Got it." I heard a scream and a tortured cry again from the background, then there was a commotion happening. Oh my God! What was he doing? I was hearing things being smashed and the men trying to stop him. I closed my eyes tightly... "have to go now Supe."
Me: "Please...please...take care of him."
Xolile: "Will do." Then he hung up. What to do? What to do? I was so worried about my husband. You guys had no idea. Was he going to overcome this? He was. He had to. I was going to make sure of it. I quickly sent Xolile's number to Dr. Sherman. I got up from the floor and went to the bathroom. I gasped out loud when I saw the state my neck was in. I hadn't thought that it would look this bad. It was really bruised. Oh my gosh! This would destroy the giant even more when he saw it. I had to try to cover the bruises with foundation or something. I couldn't let the giant see them. My throat was still burning. I'm sure all the talking that I did with Dr. Sherman and Xolile, strained my throat even more. I went back to bed and I just laid there worrying about the giant. I wish I was there at the gym with him. I wanted to hold him in my arms so badly. My arms even itched. I rubbed my belly. The giant was going to overcome this. We were going to overcome this together. No devil shall form against us, in Jesus name. Amen!