it was all just a scream for help.

company.

wordcount : 1007
TW : disordered eating,
?? light sh (slight hair-pulling)

staying home today :) feel sick

I couldn't get out of bed today, I told my mum I had a headache, she reluctantly agreed as seeing I had yesterday off. She left the soup from dinner last night on the stovetop for me and kissed me goodbye.

SAPNAP
are you okay?
KARL
feel better !!

Dream privately texted me,
DREAM
hey :) hope your okay. text me if you need anything, try to eat something before school ends, we're gonna drop by at the end of the day. you deserve the world george ❣️

I sigh and respond, I lay back down, I was home alone, I haven't been home alone in a week or two. I liked being home alone. It meant I didn't have to cover up and hide. I was actually feeling sick today— I felt sick everyday but it's my own fault.

DREAM
you okay?
KARL
need anything?
KARL
i miss you 2nd period was boring without you :(
DREAM
eat ❣️
SAPNAP
are you sure your okay?
you usually come to school when your sick
not that i want you here if you don't feel good
you seem sad lately
<this message has been unsent>
DREAM
have you eaten George ?

I groan at the messages sent over the past few hours and sat up. I decided to go downstairs and eat something, make me feel less sick, just something small, I started to read the back of boxes and protein bars. I take the packet of rice cakes and take a bowl, I put two in the bowl and go back upstairs.

I stared at the rice cakes. They won't help me lose weight, they will only do the opposite. I take my hand to take one but I feel my limb become week and unsteady, it began to shake. I cover my mouth before running my hands to my head to tug at it roughly. Tears warmed up in my eyes. I stared at the bowl some more.

The idea of eating made me want to throw up, I don't understand why it was so easy when Dream was beside me. I found comfort in him eating as well but not in a way that I felt like he was looking at me- he knew not to. I wanted Dream, I wanted to lay in his arms like yesterday and I wanted somebody to understand me like he did. He always understands me perfectly.

"Georgie were here!"
I heard Sapnap's loud voice downstairs, I heard the boys talking before I pulled my hoodie on and wiped my eyes dry, I hadn't been crying— at least not just then.
I found myself at the bottom of the stairs as the boys took plates out and started to make something, they had bags of groceries. Karl came and hugged me, I smiled but didn't hug him back, he pulled away and grabbed my hand.
"We're making salad and cutting some fruit up," I nodded, Dream looked at me concerned. I just wanted to be alone- or alone with Dream.

I hadn't really spoken, just hummed and nodded— occasionally shrugged.
"Eat George," Sapnap said, kicking my foot under the table, Dream tried to get eye contact with me, I picked at the food more before looking up at him. He eyed the food than looked back up at me.
"What did you do today George?" Karl asked, he was clearly just trying to break the silence.
"Nothing," he nodded and looked at Sapnap.

"Hey.. did you eat today?" Dream asked as I rested my head in his neck, I hum. lie.
"Okay.. bad day?" he whispered, I just nodded, Karl and Sapnap were in the kitchen cleaning up. He rubbed my back and I pulled away and looked up at him, his green eyes staring down at me gently— always so gently.
"Do you want to be alone?" he asked me, only just loud enough for me to hear, I shrugged,
"just want to be with you.." I whined, I noticed the smile on his face and he nodded.

"George! I need a ride to ballet!" Ana shouted coming through the front door,
"I got you, I got you! Karl lets go," Sapnap said, he drove Ana when Mum had the car, I didn't have my own car.
"Thanks Nick," I said and he smiled and nodded, when the door shut, Dream moved closer towards me.
"Want to talk about anything Georgie?" I shook my head and he hummed quietly,
"take care of yourself alright? treat yourself how you would treat somebody you really care about, don't make your body suffer for what's going on up there alright?" he taps my forehead gently before I laid my head on his lap. His fingers running through my hair.

"Tired?" he asked, I ignored him, basically answering his question. He sat me up and stood up, I groaned and stood,
"lay in bed, come on" he guided me to my room, his hand on my back. He noticed the uneaten rice cakes and pushed them away.

"George, look at me for just a second," I look up at him, his eyes rest on mine,
"just you and me against the world. got it?"
that was the most comforting thing anybody has ever said to me. I rested the side of head back into his shoulder, he rubbed my arm up and down.
"What's going on hm?" he asked, I wanted to tell him everything, but what would I say, there really isn't much to say.
"You're going to be okay.." I hum,
"Are you actually happy?" he looks at me,
"yes, but I wouldn't have been without all the help i've gotten, you should talk to somebody,"
I groan and lay my head on the pillow.
"I am talking to you," he just nods.
"I'm glad your talking to me," we lay in silence for a while, I'll never really know why I love his company so much when we barely talk.

but maybe it's just what love feels like?

"Lets go eat some fruit? The boys are back," I shake my head, I don't want to eat anymore, i'm considering just throwing up what i've already eaten. He sighed and nodded,
"It's okay.. you've done well George,"