it was all just a scream for help.

so this is love..?

a/n : sorry this took a while to get out x
just started a new term and was hoping to finish this on the holidays. almost done though :)
wordcount : 1070
TW : mention of self harm + itty bitty mention of calories

It's a week later.
My eyes jar open tiredly, I hear soft snores from Dream on my right, holding me close.
I'm not staying much longer. Thing's aren't going back to normal when I get home.
I'm taking a month off school and then i'll go in slowly maybe one or two classes a day until I work my way up to a full day. In that month it's about me, I want to be happy and I have to focus on myself until I am. I lift my arm from around Dream to attend to my itchy bandaged wrist. I hear whined and look down, slowly pulling my arms back to hold him.
"You okay?" I hum,
"It's cold," it was freezing, it was summer.
It was pouring ran outside and was hailing all night, I was so unbearably cold. He sits up and pulls me into his chest tightly, knowing it was warmer. I hummed.

"George? I have to tell you something.." he whispers, I lift my head in his direction,
"I hurt myself the other day.." he whispered in my ear. WHAT?! I sprung up and felt tears in my eyes, I sat on his torso my hands rubbing his shoulders slowly.
"Are you okay?" I quizzed, he hummed and I cuddled into him. This is my fault. This is my fault. I shouldn't have messaged him.
"I shouldn't have told you.. i'm going back into therapy, a few times this week and next, so if I don't hang out with you it's an hour drive to my therapist. I trust her." I nod and cuddle back into him.

"I'm sorry you saw me like that, it must've brought back memories for you," I kiss his cheek and he pulled the sheets higher over me.
"This isn't your fault. Don't think about me. You have to think about yourself," I hum,
"you're so pretty.." he mumbled after enough comfortable silence, I could hear the sleepiness like a drug lacing his voice and slurring his words.
"I love you, Clay" I whisper quietly, he mumbled I love you back barely coherently enough for me to understand but in context, it made butterflies erupt in my stomach.

The morning started well, Clay and I cuddled, he sang to me in the morning, more of the smiths that I've now found a fond love for. Clay sat quietly when I got the feeding tube out, now that I was on meds and was going to go home soon I didn't need the feeding tube. Eating was clearly going to be hard. I was terrified. To have to sit with people and go back to eating.

"Cmon George, It won't be that bad! We won't even eat in the restaurant," he pouts,
"another date. Please," he begs and pleads, I finally gave in. He'd been sitting with me in the hospital room for a few weeks — the least I could do was go on a date with him.
"Alright," I said and the smile across his face grew, it made me happy to know he's excited just to get breakfast with me.
"Get dressed," he said in a whiny voice laying back in bed, tiredly, I groan and sit up from the chair and wake over to the bag of clothes my mum brought me, I take out blue jeans and drag the bag to him, I didn't want to embarrass myself in an outfit that didn't match, he picked out a jumper — green or red, I had no idea, I took it from him and went to the bathroom to change in privacy.

"It would've been fun to walk," I complain. I wasn't allowed to walk far or exercise. Dream and I walked to the bus stop, it was only five minutes from the hospital but it's nice to have some freedom. We sat on the bus sharing air-pods listening to David Bowie, I like Dream's music taste, it was different from everyone our age today.
"Stop complaining, we walked to the bus stop and we will walk to the cafe," I smile and lean into his side,
"you feeling okay?" he asked, running his fingers through my hair, I nod and take his phone to go back, I wanted to hear moonage daydream again. It was my favourite Bowie song. Dream laughed and skipped the song, I playfully scoffed and laughed quietly.

We sat down, it was a small booth and we moved to the middle of the table and I lent my head on the side of his shoulder as we read through the menu. Everything seemed like too much. The only things I'd eaten for the past few months were bland and plain.
"What about the kids menu? You could probably get just plain eggs on toast?" I smile and nods, he flipped the menu to the kids side which was definitely less intimidating. I point to the two eggs on toast, and he nods,
"add some avo and bacon, okay?" I hum and flip it back for him. He decides to get some fancy pancakes, he ordered the food.

"Try please?" he pouts holding out his fork with a bit more than I would eat in one bite but still a small bit. I roll my eyes and open my mouth, he feeds the contents of the fork to me. Of course I thought about calories and so on but from here, it was for Dream. He seems so much happier out of the hospital— I am too!
"Nice?" he laughed picking his fork down to serve himself now, I nod and hum, he smiles wide at me. His bright eyes, I couldn't see the colour of were still so pretty.
"Finish your food, Love," he said while glancing at his phone for only a short second.
I pick up my fork to continue eating.

"Thanks Clay.."

"I think you'll like Damien Jurado? Want to try his music?" he said while connecting his AirPods to the phone.

When I turn to you and say
This is how I want my day
Spending every moment at your side
You can always tell me you love me, but say it quietly
Now you've got me where you want me to be