it was all just a scream for help.

empty.

wordcount : 1020
TW : failed suicide attempt, talk about suicide and dissociation.
I started to hear whispering into my ear,
"It's okay Georgie.. I got you," I whine quietly and he starts to stroke my hair,
"hey... i'm so sorry," I open my eyes. My eyelids feel so heavy, I'm laying in Sapnap's arms,
"I love you... don't forget that Georgie.." I start to look around. It's so bright, the hospital room. I lookout the door way and see my Mum with Dream and Karl crying. I look up at Sapnap, he rests a hand on mine. I look down at the ring on his ring finger and start to fiddle with it. I'm so scared.
"Nick.." he hums and I look up at him,
"head hurts.." he smiles and rubs my forehead softly and gently.

"What'd you say?" Karl asked, my throat was dry and painful, I whined,
"he wants Clay to lay with him," Sapnap lays me by him and Dream comes and rested by me. I look up at him waiting for him to pull me in, and he does. I hum quietly.
"He's shaking.." Karl said, rubbing his wet eyes and leaning forward from Sapnap's chest.
"He's scared, that's all." Dream whispered as I clung to him, trying to keep my eyes open as time went on.
"Hey George.. Do you want to see your Mum yet, she's pretty shaken up.." Sapnap said. I shook my head immediately. I don't want to see the disappointment on her face.

I raise my hand to the tube coming in my nose as I feel cold streaming through it, Dream pulls my hand away.
"It's a feeding tube. They said you're really  underweight.." I hum and my eyes shut slowly.
"I'm sorry..." I felt his head shake slowly as kissed my cheek, I held his hand rubbing my thumb over his fingers.
"It's alright.. you can get help now.." I hum quietly and open my eyes and look up to him slowly. He strokes my hair.
"Clay?" I ask, he waits for me to talk,
"juice?" he smiles at me and nods,
"Yeah... Nick.. Karl, can you go get him some juice from downstairs?" they nod and stood to leave I cuddled closer to Dream. I lifted my arm to see the bandages.
"Cold.." I pull my arm back under the sheets and feel Dream rocking me back and forth.

"Hey you're up.. hey beautiful. Sit up? We have some juice for you.." Karl was sleeping on my hip. I look at my phone for the time, 6PM. It's been over a day since I attempted to kill myself.
I pushed myself up with my right arm and Karl adjusted in his sleep to the change in position, Sapnap opened the juice and put a straw in, he handed it to me then sat back in the seat. I sip at the juice. I wonder if my Dad even came.
"Did my Dad come?" I looked at Nick and he sighed and shook his head,
"he was busy.. i'm sorry Georgie," I nod. Why
didn't he come? Did he really hate me that much? I almost died. I'm in hospital. Anyone else's Dad's would've ran. My face felt hot and my eyes glazed with tears.
"Forget it, George. We're here. Ana and your Mum are here.." I nod and wipe my eyes. I looked at Dream and he gave me a soft smile.

Sapnap put SquidGame on the TV, Dream fell asleep first, well after Karl he hadn't woken up since I had. I cuddled up to Karl and watched the show, Sapnap to my left laying by Dream.
"Night Georgie.." I hum and rest my forehead on the top of Karl's head.

I woke up to Karl moving, I groaned and opened my eyes, the boy's were getting up, they smiled at me, Dream rubbed my forehead, I whined when he pulled his hand away.
"There's a therapist coming.. and some doctors to see how your going. We have to go, love. We're going to go home and shower and then we can sleep here tonight. Alright?" I pout and nod. I hold Dream's hand and sit up.
"Talk tonight?" he nods, I let go of his hand and let them walk away. I look down to fiddle with my fingers.
"Hey Georgie.." Sapnap sat by my side and took the ring off his finger, I lifted my hand for him. He slowly slipped it onto my thumb and smiled softly,
"i'll be with you the whole day. Be honest. This is your chance to get help.." I nod.

"Hi George, I'm Michelle and this is Dr. Lawrence, he is a therapist who specialises in eating disorders. Can you lift your arm for me?" I lift my left arm in her direction. She examines the bandages and nods, my hand falls back down to my lap. She smiles,
"any problems with the feeding tube?" I shake my head. I forgot it's there. It's not the most of my worries right now
"I'm going to leave you with Dr. Lawrence. Do you need something?" I shook my head, she left. Dr. Lawrence pulled the arm chair - that Sapnap and Dream slept on yesterday - closer to the bed, he sat down and lent back.

"So the eating started because you were too scared to ask for help with your bad thoughts?" I nod. He makes it sound like it was for attention. It wasn't. I don't think so.
"Was there something that caused the attempt?" I shrug before I remember the feeling, the feeling of everything being fake.
"It felt like a game. I was watching myself. I don't know... it's dumb," he shakes his head passionately,
"sounds like a dissociative episode those are related to anxiety and derealisation disorders." I hum and start to fiddle with the ring.
"The ring is special?" I nod,
"are you worried about the feeding tube?" I shook my head and looked up,
"I should be and I don't think there is much in my head right now. It's just.. empty?" he nods.

"Hey Beautiful," I look up to see Dream.