daggers

daggers #29

8:00 a.m.

stell woke up at the sight of the sunlight beaming his face.

"rise and shine.~" paulo said in a sing-song voice as he pulled to curtains to the side to let the sunlight in.

fuck, anong oras na ba?

stell extended his hand to the bedside table to check his phone but he tapped it again and it wasn't there anymore.

"tara, kain na tayo." paulo said and extended his hand to help stell get out of bed which the younger took.

"hindi na, pau. thank you but i really have to go. have you seen my phone?" stell replied while lifting the covers, checking if his phone fell there.

"uhm, hindi eh. but you can look for it later. kumain ka muna ng breakfast."

weird. ang alam ko nilagay ko 'yun sa bedside table kagabi eh. stell thought.

"i can't, pau. i have to go. for sure galit na sa'kin si jah. fuck! i shouldn't have left him last night." he said as he stood up and fixed his clothes, whispering the last sentence but paulo heard it anyway.

"it's my fault, isn't it?" pau said, bowing his lead low. "i'm sorry."

"pau naman..." the younger stepped forward and gave his bestfriend a warm embrace. he wants to be mad at him. he really does. justin might be angry at stell right now and it could be entirely paulo's fault. however, the younger couldn't seem to get angry at his bestfriend.

"i'm not blaming you." stell said and planted a kiss on top of paulo's hair.

"i'm sorry. i really have to go. favor? could you just bring me my phone kapag nakita mo? una na 'ko." he tapped the older's shoulder and walked briskly towards the door, disregarding the fact that he hasn't washed his face yet early in the morning.

but paulo called him back. "stell!"

"stell, wait." paulo grabbed stell by his hand and the younger stopped walking to face his bestfriend. he's starting to feel anxious now.

paulo thought of something. a very wrong and dangerous move that might destroy or damage their friendship in any way possible. but he couldn't help it. his burning love for the younger tells him he has to do it. because stell might take him back if he does.... stell might come back to him if...

paulo held stell by his collar and pulled him close, crashing his lips against the younger, aggressively. stell immediately pulled away. "what the fuck was-" but paulo kissed him again.. and again.. and again.. until stell mustered all the courage he had left in his body to push paulo away, making him sit on the floor due to stell's force. both of them breathed heavily.

stell's hair were all messy due to paulo's tugging, pushing him closer to him to taste him even more because he couldn't get enough from it. the younger's polo crumpled even more from restraining from the older's grip.

then there was paulo, sitting on the floor, bowing his head low as beads of tears flowed from his eyes and little sobs escaped from his mouth.

"why can't... why can't you see me, stell?" paulo asked despite his heavy breathing.

"ako yung nandito... s-sa tabi mo... for many.. many years. pero bakit hindi mo 'ko nakikita?"

stell's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. pau finally looked up to him and helped himself to stand, staring deep into the younger's eyes like he was looking through his soul.

"d-dyan ka lang! dyan ka lang, pau..." stell said when paulo took steps closer to him. he had his hand infront of him as he stepped backwards. paulo wanted to cry even more. i scared him. he thought.

"i'm sorry, stell... i'm sorry... but.."

stell breathed deep, anticipating what his bestfriend is about to say and wished that he would just not say it.

"mahal kita."

the younger let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding in. he blinked a few times and moved even further backwards to lean his back against the countertop. his knees felt wobbly and he felt so drained all of a sudden.

what the fuck, paulo? bakit ngayon pa? bakit ngayon lang?

"pau..." stell called out. paulo looked at him, desperately, like his eyes were speaking for him.

"for all those years... you knew i only looked at you. ikaw lang yung nakikita ko. ikaw lang yung pinapangarap ko noon, pau. you know that. but you never saw me. kasi sabi mo bestfriends tayo, diba?" stell said, quickly wiping a stray tear that just fell down from his eye.

paulo stepped closer to stell but the younger didn't move away anymore. he took stell's hands carefully and stared at him. his eyes were begging.

"but stell... andito na 'ko ngayon. why do you still need somebody else? let's just give this a try, please?"

stell sighed, gently putting his hands down, letting go of paulo.

"you know i love you, right, pau?"

paulo blinked. he took a step back and nodded, smiling bitterly.

"pero mas mahal mo si jah, diba?" he said in almost like a whisper, just enough for stell to hear.

stell nodded. "i'm sorry, pau. but i love him... i love him so much."

and at that moment, paulo's heart broke. it was shattered and pounded into millions and millions of pieces, leaving nothing behind. he wanted to give all his love for stell... but he was too late. how he wished he could turn back time.. but he new he couldn't.

for the man he loves the most now loves somebody else. and even though the fact that justin will be leaving soon is known to them, the love that stell has for him won't change. and paulo must learn to accept that.

he must learn that he will never own stell's heart... no matter how hard he tries.