daggers

daggers #27

JUSTIN'S P.O.V

6:00 p.m.

i'm back in my dorm early tonight. even though the cheerdance competition is only 2 weeks from now, i practically begged our choreographers if i could skip practice today and fortunately, they allowed me to. my mind has been on a messy roll lately and i didn't want to affect other people with that so i decided to take a rest from further exhaustion today. i already know our whole routine for this year's performance and we're already on the polishing process so it's safe to take a break from it.

i laid down on my bed, my head hanging at the edge while my arms are sprawled on each sides. i just stared at the wall and didn't move.

my mind was clouded with lots and lots of thoughts but then i remembered my fight earlier with josh. and i suddenly remembered what he told me. you know you can't love him, jah. i know. i know i can't love him. but what if i'm already doing it? can i still stop myself?

what if... what if i don't want to stop? what if i just want to let myself to love stell? is that wrong? would that make things too complicated? yes. yes it will. however, i'm not capable of letting him go anymore. i don't want to let go of stell. ever.

my thoughts were suddenly cut off when i heard my doorbell rang. i didn't move but it rang again and i groaned in frustration. that's probably my landlady again, about to scold me for a lot of things. i scratched my hair in irritation as i was approaching the door but the doorbell rang again, making me scream internally.

SANDALI NAMAN PUTANGINA. T___T

i sighed while holding the doorknob. i don't want to lash out on whoever is on the other side so i have to calm down. kalma lang, jah.

i opened the door slowly and i suddenly want to melt when i saw who was waiting.

he's still in his white polo and black slacks and i could tell he came here straight from the campus. his eyes were filled with sadness.... and longing, contradictory to mine which were tired, blank, and emotionless.

but as soon as he stepped forward and hugged me, my eyes wanted to well up in tears. god, i missed him so much.

stell hugged me. tight. not wanting to let go. i closed the door behind him gently and i hugged him by his waist, burying my face at the crook of his neck, and inhaling my favorite scent.

"i'm sorry, jah..." he said in a raspy voice which almost sounded like a whisper. i couldn't talk. and i couldn't resist crying anymore when my eyes were suddenly filled with tears to the brim until they flowed out and i cried. i just cried on his shoulder, letting out every heavy emotion i want to let out.

i couldn't remember the last time i let myself cry like this. but with stell, i knew i could be vulnerable. because he will understand. like always.

stell suddenly crouched a little and picked me up by my thighs, letting my straddle his waist as he carries me to the living room while i continue to burst in tears on his shoulder. he gently rubs my back as he sat on the couch while i straddle his lap.

stell only whispers comforting words in my ear while hugging me and caressing my back.

"it's okay, jah.. just let it out.." he whispered and planted a kiss on my temple.

moments later, i stopped sobbing and i just rested my head on his shoulder, still hiccuping.

stell planted another soft kiss on my forehead and stroked my cheek gently with his thumb.

"feeling better?" he asked and i pulled away from the hug, wiping a few remaining tears in my eyes as i nodded in response.

i held both of stell's hands, planting a kiss on his knuckles.