daggers

daggers #14

JUSTIN'S P.O.V

stell and i were driving on the way to my apartment when a question suddenly popped up in my mind.

"stell?" i called him out and he only hummed in response.

"may i ask you something?"

"you already are." he said, stating the obvious to which i replied with an eye roll.

"kainis.." i whispered and he chuckled.

"i heard that, jah."

"you were meant to." i crossed my arms and he chuckled again, reaching for my hand in the process and intertwining our fingers together.

bAKIT BA BUMIBILIS YUNG TIBOK NG PUSO KO NAKAKAINIS KA NAMAN STELL T________T

my breath hitched when he started massaging the back of my hand with his thumb, probably trying to calm me down. kaso lalo lang akong hindi mapakali e shuta.

"joke lang, eto naman tampo agad. go ahead, ask me anything."

he placed our hands on top of the shifter because of course, he's driving. gan'to pala feeling ng pinag-ddrive ka na, tapos naka-holding hands pa kayo shuta matutunaw na yata ako. T_____T

"uhm.." i shifted on my seat to face a bit more towards him.

"why teaching?"

"hmm?"

"i mean, why did you choose to study education? don't get me wrong ha. pero, last month you told me that you already worked as a photographer and sabi mo maganda naman yung kita doon compared dito. but why did you still choose to be in this profession?"

i felt stell caress the back of my hand with his thumb once again before he sighed.

"alam mo, akala ko rin noon, nasa digital arts and photography yung passion ko. closely related sa course mo ngayon yung course na tinake ko before, in college. 'yun kasi yung course na gusto ng papa ko na kunin ko. my father was a director, until before his death, 6 years ago.."

he heaved a sigh after that and i saw how sadness was suddenly evident in his eyes.

"i'm sorry for your loss..." i said softly then he gave me a quick glance and smiled.

i gestured for him to continue talking and i only listened attentively, like how i would when we're in class.

"2nd year college ako no'n. when we lost him, it felt like i lost the world. kaya kahit wala na siya, i promised myself na tatapusin ko yung course ko, which I was majoring in digital arts."

"one time nung 4th year na 'ko, we had this project so my research mates and I attended this seminar in Baguio. ako yung leader nung group so ako yung naka-assign na magsalita infront of the crowd later on."

"sobrang kaba ko pa nun kasi hindi naman ako sanay humarap sa crowd. i have an outgoing personality pero usually, i only feel cheerful when i know the people around me. but in the end, i did well, at least according to my group mates and the moderators in that event." he chuckled.

"feeling ko nga din you did great." i stated and he grinned wider.

"sus! binobola mo lang ako, wala ka naman dun noon eh."

"kahit na! sa klase pa nga lang ang galing galing mo na magturo eh. favorite professor kaya kita."

"talaga..?"

my heart started beating faster when he looked at me. tangina, crush na crush ko na yata 'to ah. ><

"ewan. tuloy mo na kaya yung kwento mo!" i pushed him lightly and he chuckled, proceeding with his story.

"okay, okay. so anyway, after that seminar, i really felt great about myself. alam mo 'yun? the feeling of success because i was able to impart knowledge on some people and somehow make an impact on their lives? it was overwhelming, in a good way. however, i disregarded all those thoughts kasi nga i promised myself that i will finish my course, for my dad."

"then, i started working as a photographer and my career was going so well. i almost became a director too, actually. kahit na nararamdaman ko na even before na mahal ko ang pagtuturo, i still pursued photography. but one time, napagod nalang ako bigla and i felt like ayoko nang gawin 'to but i also felt bad kasi feeling ko if i let go of photography and directing, i'm also letting my dad go."

"so, paano ka nakapag-desisyon?" i asked and he smiled, as genuine one.

"pablo saved me." oh.

"kinausap niya ako, telling me to pursue my dream instead dahil hindi naman daw kasalanan 'yun. so here i am, thanks to him, i guess." he sighed after finishing his story and i did as well. sobrang lalim pala talaga ng samahan nila ni coach pau.

i couldn't say anything after he told me his story. i guess i just didn't know what to say. maybe stell wasn't waiting for my response as well because he did not ask me for anything.

after a few more minutes, we reached my apartment and stell stopped the by the front of the lobby. naka-holding hands pa din pala kami? grabe, dedicated yarn? ><

i was still looking at our hands when stell gently let my hand go. i was about to frown but when i saw him get out of the car and jog towards the other side to open the passenger door for me, I couldn't help but smile instead.

"ang gentleman ha." i teased and stell chuckled

"ako lang 'to, jah. baka kiligin ka." kainis, lagi na nga akong kinikilig sa'yo eh. ><

"so..., our adventure for tonight ends here, i guess?" stell said and i smiled but deep inside, i felt something heavy. i know i'm going to see him tomorrow at the univ but why am i feeling like this?

"yep, i guess." i replied and i saw how he had the same sad smile i have. is he feeling oddly heavy deep down too?

"uhm.. g-goodnight. pasok na 'ko sa loob."

he nodded. "yeah, alright. goodnight, jah."

"o-okay.... drive safe." i said, slowly backing away from him and waving a little.

i saw how he laughed before waving to me as well. when i got meters away from him, i finally turned around to walk towards the staircases. but before i could take a few more steps, i felt a hand hold my wrist and pulled me back.

"justin, wait-"

before i knew it, i was already engulfed in a comforting embrace. his perfume immediately filled my senses and his soft hoodie warms my skin from the cold breeze of the night. i felt the chills, the sparks, and the butterflies. i gently hugged stell's waist and rested my chin on his shoulder. i can't believe i'm really hugging him like this. ><

God knows how long we stayed like that before we let go of each other and stell whispered a 'goodnight' before walking back to his car. meanwhile, i kept a smile plastered on my lips until i got inside my unit and let out a happy squeal under my pillows.