Dear readers,
I wonder when I'm going to start living my life... Everything I do feels so empty.
I don't know.
Sometimes I think I should just kill myself and get it over with. I mean, I'm never going to amount to anything anyway.
But of course I won't do that, I'm much too afraid of pain.
Plus, that would require me to just give up. That's not like me. I put way too much time and energy imagining a future when I don't always feel like total shit, when I don't hate myself, when I have some modicum of meaning in my life.
The thing is, I'll never know whether someday I'll just think “fuck it” and just off myself. And of course, if I don't do that, then there's the equal chance that I'll go the opposite way and kill someone else.
Just to feel something, you know.
Seriously, if I'd been raised by different parents in a different situation, I'd probably be a murderer by now.
God, there is seriously no way in hell there's anyone even reading this anymore.
I could probably write anything, and no one would know.
Not that anyone was reading this in the first place.
I bet, if anyone even bothers reading this, they'll be thinking I'm just someone making this shit up to get attention.
But, the thing is, these are the thoughts I've had in my head for a long fucking time.
Here's some more shit about me that I don't tell people:
I pick my nose and eat the snot. Dunno why. I've tried to stop. Doesn't work.
I only bathe when I have to. Sometimes I don't bathe for a week. I just don't give a shit.
I bite my toenails. I find toenail clippers don't clip close enough.
You grossed out? Thought so. I fucking gross myself out.
Fuck I hate myself.
I'd originally intended this to be much shorter... But I find sometimes I just need to write what I'm feeling.
And I don't like writing down my emotions when there's no chance of anyone responding. I need to at least have the illusion that there are people out there who know what I feel.
I'm never showing this journal to anyone I know, ever.
ugh.
Fuck it, ttye
YOU ARE READING
Dear Readers, part 2
Non-FictionThis is exactly what it sounds like. Basically a diary that can be freely read by anyone on Wattpad who wants to read it. Everything written here is true and it is all from my point of view. It is me, writing what I think, when I think it. Respond...
