Entry Number Nine (12/2/2012)

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Dear readers,

I do realize that there probably isn't anyone actually reading this, but I like to imagine there are people who I can confide in. 

And If anyone reads this, I'm kind of in need of some advice.

I'm thinking of telling my parents, when I go home for winter break, that I need to start seeing a therapist.

But the thing is, my parents don't know anything's wrong. And I don't even know if they'd be able to afford it... 

I mean, am I being over-dramatic? I know that plenty have bigger problems than I do, but... I just can't see the point of it all anymore. I feel like no matter what I do, I'll never be happy. I doubt I'll ever even be satisfied. That's my problem, I'm always looking for the greatest reward with the least effort, and when I don't get that reward, I'm always so angry and disappointed, but never willing to change, and put in that effort. I know this. I know how much of a detestable person I am.

Which is why I really wouldn't blame people who started up reading this and then stopped when they got to know me better. I'd stop.

That's one of the reasons I never understood anyone who ever wanted to be friends with me, or go out with me. I wouldn't want to be friends with me.

I'm a lazy, self-centered, self-pitying bitch with no self-esteem and bad hygiene. 

Jaa, mata.

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