Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

That Night

Once we got home Angel said she was going to take a shower and I told her I would make us dinner. She just nodded as she walked away and I watched as she went into the bedroom. I wish I could take it all from her whatever she is dealing with. It breaks my heart to see her so sad and upset. She is always the one that is upbeat, smiling, positive and full of life. Now don't get me wrong, she has her moments too because she is human. I have seen her cry, upset, deal with things that I never thought anyone could ever go through. But she comes out so much stronger than when she went into the situation. She has helped me grow so much and has me opening up more about what I'm dealing with. She is one heck of a woman and she is all mine. I'm so glad I met her, married her and made her mine. She is the love of my life for sure and she is life itself. She always knows how to help people, she knows the right words to say and at the right time. Sometimes I just look at her and wonder, how in the world did I get so blessed to have her as mine. My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the shower turn off.

I let out a sigh as she came into the living room. I looked up at her as I saw that she put one of my shirts on and let her hair down. Man, I love when she wears my clothes. They always look better on her than me any day. She walked up to me as I put my arms around her. "Feel better?" I asked her softly. "Kinda, but only in the body." she answered very softly. I squeezed her a little tighter and sensed she was going to cry again. She pulled away and asked, "What are you making?" "Oh, just some pasta and sauce." I said as I smiled down at her. "Do you need me to do anything?" "Do you want to get the drinks?" She nodded as she walked off to get us some drinks. She then sat at the table for dinner waiting on me to finish with dinner. I smiled as I sat the plates down on the table, I then sat down to eat with her. Dinner was quiet as we both were in our thoughts. I don't want to push her into talking about anything because she is the person that if you push and she doesn't want to talk about it then she will push it further down. Then she won't talk about it at all and then it will hurt her more. I did notice that she didn't eat much and that meant that she had alot on her mind. She mainly just played with her food most of dinner.

Once dinner was over, we got everything cleaned up and while we were doing the dishes she started talking. "Davy....." "Hummm....." "Tell me about your day." I looked over at her as she dried a plate. I looked back at the water to clean the pots. "Well, we didn't do much today. It was a quiet day for the most part. We talked to a few snitches, brought in a few drunks and then all the paperwork. It wasn't a bad day at all, we don't get those kinds of days much so it was nice," I said as I let the water out of the sink and then helped get the rest of the dishes dried. "I wish I had that today." She said as she walked into the living room to sit on the couch. I then walked in after her, sat down and looked at her. She was playing with her wedding rings, something she does when she is trying to calm down and think. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked very unsure if I should even ask her that at this time. "They killed him." Angel said. "Who killed him?" I asked very surprised. Angel looked up at me, that was when I saw the tears and pain in her eyes. "The kid, they killed the kid. He was a little boy, he had his whole life ahead of him and they killed him." she said through the tears.

I held her hand tighter as I listened to her as my heart was breaking. A child is a different story and I know the feeling. It always affects you differently than with adults, but knowing my wife, it affects her more than most because of her love for kids. She looked down again as she wiped some tears from her face. She then continued, "They beat him up and we didn't get there in time to save him." she looked up at me then said. "They killed him." I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly as she cried. "It is so hard, I feel like I let him down. I feel so lost and unsure of what to do at this point. I feel like I helped kill him." she said. "No baby." I said as I had her look at me. "You didn't help kill him, I know you and you did all you could to save him. I know it hurts now, I know you are confused, I know that you feel lost and don't know what to do. But this is not your fault. You did what you needed to do and I know you took every step to help the little child. But you did not kill him or help in any way." She just looked at me as she listened to my words. I can tell that she is letting it sink in as she is trying to process this whole thing. "But it is hard, it hurts and If I could have." she started. "Listen sweetie, I know it hurts and that it is hard. I know that processing something like this is always hard and I know that you haven't seen it before. That makes it harder to handle but you know the what if's will keep you second guessing yourself. You did what you are trained to do, you did your job and you did what was right." I told her as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"I know but with kids it is different. I know you know how it feels and what it is like but I can't get the images out of my mind. I keep seeing the little child laying there in their own blood. I see the jerk that shot him in front of me. Then I see him jump at me as Bri shoots him so he can't get to me." she said angrily. "He jumped at you?" I asked, now getting upset myself. This jerk was going after my wife? She sat up, looked at me and put her hand on my heart. She knows that doing that calms me down. I put my hand over hers as I looked her in the eyes. "I was undercover, remember? He was going after me next because of some reason I can't talk about. Yes he jumped at me but remember I said, Bri shot him before he got to me or touched me." she said very softly. "You're right, I'm sorry I jumped ahead. I just heard you say he jumped at you. I don't like the thought of someone going after you or touching you in ways that...." I trailed off as I looked down. I felt Angel start to move, I looked up to see that she had moved from the couch to sitting on my lap. She put her arms around my neck as she looked at me. I put my arms around her waist as she said, "You don't have to be sorry. I know you don't like others touching me and I don't like it as well. I'm your wife and no one gets to touch me but you. I also know that sometimes you hear part of the story and not the rest. So don't apologize, I get it."

She smiled at me as I felt myself melt like the first time I fell in love with her. "Thank you. I love you so much and I don't want you to get hurt." I said. "I love you too and it is never my plan to get hurt at all." she said with a smile. She then leaned down to give me a kiss and I smiled into the kiss. She pulled back and then laid her head on my shoulder. I held her close as I listened to her breathing. I start to think about the first time I ever saw a child die in front of me or the time I shot a teenager. It is always hard and I always felt like I was going to get sick afterwards. I have seen it so many times but every time it was like the first time. When it comes to kids, you never get used to it or you never know how you will handle it. It is always so hard each and every time. I know how Angel feels and I wish I could just take from her. I know that it is hard and that she has to work through it in her own way but it still doesn't make it easy. I'm glad she talked about the parts that she could but it also doesn't make the images go away. That takes time and even then, they don't go away all the way. I just hope this doesn't give her night mares, those are the worst. Angel always says, it is a way that your brain is trying to get it out of your symptom. But sometimes those night mares are the worst thing in the world. They can mess you up more then just doing the job itself.

I was brought back to reality when I felt Angel relax in my arms. I looked down to see that she had fallen asleep. I smiled down at her as I kissed her forehead. I carried her to the bedroom and then I laid her in the bed. I covered her up, then kissed her forehead again before I said, "Sleep well my sweet Angel. I love you." I then walked back into the living room to make sure the door was locked before I went to bed myself. I set the alarm so both of us wouldn't be late for work, although this is one time I wish we both had the next day off so she can rest from today and I could stay close to her. But life goes on and so do our jobs. I laid in bed, pulled Angel closer to me as I thought about our jobs. Man I wish I could tell her I don't want her to be a private investigator anymore. I don't want her to get hurt and I don't want her to see this kind of thing ever again. But I love her and I will let her do what makes her happy. "I love you," I said very softly as I felt myself start to fall asleep.