Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

Sleeping Pills

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt two arms wrap around me. I put my hand on her arm as she asked, "Will you take a shower with me?" I smiled as I said, "Of course I will love." We then got ready for the day and as we sat at the table eating breakfast Angel spoke up. "David." "Yes" "There is something you need to know before we go to the doctor." "What is it darling?" She put her fork down and looked right in front of her. I could tell that she was worried about something, so I reached over to touch her arm. She just looked down at my hand before she put her hand over mine. "Davy, I have been ummmm." I rubbed my thumb over her arm in hopes it would help her calm down. "Well, the last few nights I haven't been sleeping much. I usually get up for about a few hours at a time and then go back to bed," she said and then looked at me before she continued. "Now I know that you wanted me to wake you up, but I didn't see it fit to wake you up for only a few hours. I'm so sorry, please don't be mad at me but I just thought it would be best to not wake you and...." I put my finger to her lips as I said, "Shhh...Angel take a breath. It is okay, I'm not mad at you, okay?" She nodded as I asked her, "May I ask what you do while you are up?"

She looked down before she said, "Just looked at our wedding photos." I could hear her voice crack, so I moved closer to her to pull her into my arms. She held onto me as she started to cry. I rubbed her back before I had her look at me. "Angel, what are you the most scared of?" She looked down for a moment as she put her hand in my shirt again. Then she looked at me as she said, "I'm scared that I will never be the same as before. I'll never be as happy or be the woman that you married years ago." I had tears in my eyes as I put my hand on her face. "Angel, you listen to me. I know that you are scared but believe me, you will be happy again and you will be better than you were before. The most important part is that you will always be the woman that I married." I told her before I kissed her. "David." "Hmmmm" "I love you." "I love you too, my Angel."

The drive to the doctor's office was a quiet one. She held my hand the whole time as she looked out the window. Once we got there she was as close to me as she could get. After she went back, I sat in the waiting room hoping that she would be okay. After what seemed like forever, I felt some move my hands from my lap. I looked up to see that Angel was starting to sit on my lap. I smiled up at her as I asked, "How did it go?" As she played with my hair she said, "I don't know, I told them I want you in the room with me when they told me everything. I'm too scared to hear it by myself." I rubbed her side as I said, "That is fine, I would like to hear about it as well. Also, baby please don't be scared because it will all turn out fine." "Maybe I should tell you the same thing." "What?" I asked confused. She leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Baby, I know you are scared too. I saw the way you were this morning and the way you tried to hide the tears." I just put my head on her chest as I took deep breaths, now is not the time to cry.

Just then I heard the nurse call her name as she kissed my head. We stood up as the nurse led us back to the doctor's office. "Have a seat in here and the doctor will be within a moment," she said before she closed the door. I turned to see that Angel had already sat down and so I took the chair next to her. She grabbed my hand as I thought about what she said. How can she see those things even when she is the one on the mend? I just wish I could have her see that she is getting more normal by the day. Just then the door opened, and the doctor walked in. "Hello," he said as I shook his hand. Angel just nodded at him as I rubbed my thumb over her hand knowing that she is really scared at this point. The doctor looked at her before saying, "Angel, you are looking so much better since the last time I saw you. Your body has been healing really well and very fast to be honest with you. There are a few things I would like to talk to you about. The nurse told me that you are still having pain but not as bad as before, right?" "Yes, that is right, the pain only lasts about 5-10 minutes and they kind of feel more like period cramps at this point," she replied. "That is good, I'm happy to hear that. I would say if you had light duties or a desk job, I would send you back to work because physically you are doing great. Now I am concerned about your mental health. I know you told the nurse you have had some nights of not sleeping well. That is normal with trauma, and I know you from before but I'm not sure if you are mentally ready to go back to work. So, I might say give yourself another week then come see me to see if you are ready or not. But I am going to write you a prescription for some sleeping pills that will help you sleep through the night." I felt Angel squeeze my hand tight as she replied, "No, I won't take them." "Angel, it is only for a week so you can get some sleep." "I said no, and you can't make me take them. You can't make me take them," she said almost in a shout.

I turned to Angel as I said, "Honey, calm down and please take a breath. The doctor is only trying to help you." She pulled her hand from mine as she said, "So you're siding with him. I won't take them, and you can't make me take them as well." I am surprised at her reaction, but it tells me that there is something deeper to this than she's letting on. I can see that she is starting to shake and needs to get out of here. So, I turned to the doctor, "Can she do without the sleeping pills?" He looked at me considered, before saying, "Yes, she did it before and knowing her she'll do it again." "Okay, then how about this. If she doesn't sleep well the next few nights, we can call to have the pills filled and only if Angel wants them," I said turning to look at her so she would feel like it was her choice. I then continued, "For now we won't take them, and we will work on it at home." "As you wish, Angel, you can't let what happened to you before stop you now." She just looked at him as I said, "Thank you doctor, we will be in touch." I stood to shake his hand as Angel just got up to walk out. I then followed her out to the car with so many questions running through my head that I want to ask her, but I won't for now.

Once we got into the car, I started it up and before I could start driving, I felt her put her hand on my arm. I looked over to see that she had her head down. "Davy, can you do something please?" She spoke in such a low voice I almost didn't hear her. I put my hand over hers as I said, "Anything sweetheart, what do you need?" "Can you please dive somewhere we can be alone to talk before we go see my parents?" "Of course, I can, sweetheart," I said as I patted her hand. She then nodded as she took her hand off my arm and played with her wedding rings. I then started to drive as I thought of a place we could go. I thought about the beach but there would so many people there this time of the day. Then I thought about the park but with the way she is that would be too much as well. Then I thought of the perfect place as I kept driving. We haven't gone here much since we got married and maybe we should. Once I pulled in and parked the car, I turned to look at her. She looked up and by the look on her face she was a little surprised. This is one of her favorite places, we are sitting on a hill that overlooks the city, it is almost like we are in the country which is her favorite place, and it is very peaceful up here. We would come here on dates all the time once she showed it to me. We could come to just get away, come to talk or just have some fun. I also recall driving up here to find her one night after she had had the worst day, but that story is for a different time.

She sat there for a moment before she got out of the car. As I walked to the passenger side of the car, I saw that she had her hands under her arms and was moving one leg. I moved in front of her as she looked down. She then reached up and grabbed my shirt as I put my hands on her arms. It was then that I felt her whole-body shake. "David, please hold onto me or I might just run," she said as I pulled her into me. "Angel, do you want to run from me?" I asked worriedly. She started to shake her head no as I heard her start to cry. "Shhhhhh...." I told her as I rubbed her back. Once she calmed down, she told me, "I don't want to run from you but other things. I know you have questions and I need to tell you some things but please bear with me." "Angel, I'm not going to ask you any questions." "I know you won't unless I ask you to, but you need to know." She said as she took a deep breath, "I know you won't let anything happen to me and I know you will watch over me, but I can't take sleeping pills because I almost...." Her voice trailed off before she took another deep breath. "I almost overdosed the last time I had to take them." I just stood there trying to wrap my mind around the idea that she almost overdosed. I brought one hand up to her face as I asked, "How did you almost overdose?"

"When all this first happened when I was 16, I had the hardest time sleeping. I was having nightmares every night, forcing myself to stay awake because of what I saw when I closed my eyes, so the doctor gave me sleeping pills to help me sleep through the night. Well one night, I went to take my vitamins as well as the sleeping pills, but I forgot I had already taken some. Right after I took them, I felt funny and then everything went black. The next thing I remember I was waking up in a hospital again. I panicked, the doctor thought I did it on purpose and wanted to send me to get help. But I didn't do it on purpose, I wasn't trying to kill myself and it was accidental. David, even though it was so horrible I didn't try to kill myself. Please believe me," she said as she cried harder. I pulled her close again as I said, "Angel, I do believe you, I really do. You don't have to take the sleeping pills if you don't want to but know that I would never let that happen to you again. I would give you the pills, then put them up so you couldn't take anymore. I respect your decision on this, and I will stand behind you the whole way." Angel nodded as she took a deep breath. 

I can't imagine in her even trying to kill herself and then the doctor not believing her. That hurts worst. I wrapped my arms around her tighter as the thought of her going through that hurt.