Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

Nightmare

I sat there for about an hour holding Angel while she was sleeping thinking about all that she had told me. I just shook my head to rid myself of all the thoughts, so I don't go crazy. I slowly got up, laid Angel down on the couch as I got the blanket to lay over her. Once I knew that she was good, I went to the bathroom and as I came back into the living room, I smiled at how peaceful she looked. I walk past her to make some food. I know I'm hungry, I don't know if she will be when she wakes up, but I know that she will need to eat something. I thought I would make some pasta with sauce and if she wanted something else then I'll make it for her. I would never tell her no to anything. The pasta and sauce were about done when I heard something from the living room. I looked that way but saw nothing and heard nothing more, so I went back to cooking. I had just about to put the food in a bowl when I heard Angel scream from the living room. I went running in there to see that she wasn't awake, and I thought she was having a nightmare.

She was shouting, "No, please no.......don't.....that will......." I sat down on the table in front of the couch as I reached down to touch her shoulder as I said, "Angel, honey wake up, it's a bad dream." But the moment that I touched her she flinched and moved back. I kept speaking to her softly in hopes that she would wake up. She kept screaming, "No.....the pain.......no....please.......don't...." At this point she is crying, holding her side and hitting my hands away. I touched her arm again as I spoke a little bit louder trying to wake her up, "Angel, wake up it's a bad dream." Next thing I know she screamed, "ouch" as she sat straight up. She was holding her side as I reached out to take her in my arms. She not only slapped my arms away, but she slapped me in the face and jumped back. She screamed, "Ohhhhh" as she held her side and was sitting in the fetal position. I just sat there for a moment not really knowing what to do. I know she is acting the way she is because of the trauma but I don't really know how to help her just yet with the nightmares. Before I could say anything or do anything she looked up at me. I could see the pain in her eyes and all I wanted to do was cry but I couldn't. "Oh my gosh..........I'm........so......sorry" was all she could get out. "Honey, it's okay believe me it is okay," I said softly. I watched her every move as I moved from sitting on the table to sitting on the couch because I didn't know what she would do when I was too close to her at this point. She was watching my every move with wide eyes, and I could tell she was trying not to move away from me. I stopped moving as I said, "Angel, it's okay. You're okay, you're at home, you're safe and you are not alone."

She looked at me for a moment before she said, "Oh David, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.....who......where......." She trailed off as she cried harder. "The pain," she cried as she threw her head back. "I'll get your medicine," I said as I got up to get it. After I got it, I sat on the table across from her and grabbed the water that was on the table from earlier. I held them out to her as she reached with one hand to grab the water while she was holding her side with her other hand. I could see that she was still very shaken up as she tried to grip the water bottle. She shook her head no as I got up to sit next to her. She opened her mouth so I could give her the pill in and then I held the water up to her so she could take a drink. She watched my every move with wide eyes still and all I could think of was that she might be thinking I would hurt her or something. After she took the pill, I put the water on the table and then turned to look at her only to see that she was reaching one arm out to me. I picked her up, put her on my lap as she buried her head on my shoulder. I held her gently, rubbing her arm as I played with her hair. "Shhhhhhhh.......honey it's okay, I got you," I told her over and over. I couldn't tell if she was shaking because of how hard she was crying or from the nightmare. She started to calm down some as the medicine started to kick in. She let go of her side to bring her arm around my waist as she put her other arm around my neck. She had such a death grip on me and that told me it was a different kind of fear then normal.

"Angel, I got you, I got you," I told her again and this time she nodded her head at my words. I kissed her shoulder as I rubbed her back. She started to calm down as she started to breathe normally once again, and she had stopped shaking so much. "I'm sorry for hitting you," she said very softly. "Honey, it's okay. You didn't hurt me." I told her as I kissed her shoulder again. "But I don't want to hurt you and I did. I hit you and I feel bad about it. I didn't know where I was or who was touching me, I'm so sorry!!" she said as I could feel fresh tears on her face. "Angel, you didn't hurt me at all and I'm sorry that you didn't know where you were. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her in a low voice not knowing if she would or not. "It was awful, I saw Kelly get shot and then all went black again." she started but then sat up real fast. She looked at me as panic started to settle in once again and with tears rolling down her face. I moved my hand up to move some hair from her face as I asked, "What is it sweetie?" "Kelly, she was shot. Is she dead.........what happened, Davy...." she started to shake? I put my finger to her lips as I told her, "Shhhhhhh........Angel take a breath. Kelly is fine, she is not dead but on the mend." She just looked at me as if she was letting the words sink in. She then laid back into my arms as she kept telling me about the nightmare.

"After it went black, I saw the little girl again. She was crying as I heard the voices again. The things that they said over and over. But then one day when I woke up, I saw that she was not next to me. I started to panic as I heard footsteps coming toward the door of the room, I was in. When the door opened, one of the men stepped in and bent down to whisper in my ear. He told me, 'Are you ready to watch the fun that ends today,'' she told me as I felt her get a chill that went through her whole body. I held her closer to me as I just listened to everything. She then took a deep breath before she continued, "He then took me to another part of the house. The torcher room as they called it and it sure was that. Once we got in there, I saw........it was........it was so awful....." She started to cry harder. Her grip on me got tighter as I held her and rubbed her back. "It's okay honey, take your time. I'm right here with you through all of this." I spoke softly to her. "What did you see, honey?" I asked after a few moments. 

She then took another breath before she said, "Once I got into the room, I saw the little girl. She was tied to the chair like she had been when they were going to beat her but this time it was different. She was.......naked.......they started to torch her once again. She was screaming from all the pain that she was in. I tried to look away, but they wouldn't let me. This time the torcher was different than before. They kept going till she was......." she trailed off again as I could hear the pain in her voice. "She what sweetie," I asked, already knowing where this was going, and I was already hurting with her. "They killed her, David, they killed her, and they made me watch." she shouted as she sat up to look at me. I kept one hand on her back as I brought my other hand to her face to wipe some tears. "Angel, I'm so sorry that you had to see that and go through that," I said as my voice cracked. "It was awful, I never wanted to hear their voices again or see that again. I hated it so much that I wish I was the one that........." "You were the one that what, honey?" "I almost wished that they had killed me instead." she said in a very serious voice. I just sat there stunned when I heard her say that.

I mean given the situation I can understand why she would wish that she was dead. I was just so stunned to hear it come out of her mouth. I started to rub my thumb on her cheek as I asked her a question, "Do you still wish you were dead?" She just sat there looking at me while she was thinking of the question before she looked down to start to play with the buttons on my shirt. "Angel, do you still wish you were dead?" I asked again. "Not really but....." she said as she shook her head as if she was trying to shake it out. "But what?" I asked, still trying to see where she was in her mind. "But it still hurts," she said as she looked up at me. "I know honey, but it will only get better from here." I told her as she grabbed me again. I held her close to me as I took a deep breath. She started to cry again as I let her know that I had her and that I was not going to let her go for nothing. My heart is hurting, as I'm still stunned by her words. I'm just thankful that she is alive and with me know.