Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

I Was Forced

After I closed the door, I took a few breaths before I walked back to the bathroom. I walked in to see Angel standing in front of the sink but before I could say anything she spoke up. "I know what you are going to say but please don't. I know you don't want me to walk without you around but......" she said while looking me in the eyes through the mirror and then she looked down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you." I leaned against the door frame while looking at her through the mirror while she spoke. I then walked over to her after she lowered her head, put my hands on her arms and then leaned down to kiss her neck. "Don't be sorry, yes I would rather be here with you when you walk or stand until I know that you are able to on your own. But I won't say anything." She leaned her back up against me as she closed her eyes. "David, I'm tired." she said as I saw a tear fall from the corner of her eye.

"I know you are babe," I said as I picked her up to carry her to the bed. I went to sit her on her side when she started to shake her head no. "Can I please sit on your lap, please David?" she asked through the tears that she was trying to hold back. "Shhhh.....Angel, yes you can sit on my lap." I told her as I stood next to the bed. "Angel, listen to me, okay?" she nodded her head as I started to speak again. "I'm going to put you down on the bed and then get into bed. Once I get in bed I'll set you on my lap, okay?" She nodded again as I slowly put her on the bed. After I got to my side and sat down, I pulled her onto my lap. She snuggled up real fast as she let out a sigh. I started to rub her arm and play with her hair as she played with the pocket on my shirt. "David," she said softly. "Hmmmmm" "Ask me another question?" I sat there for a moment thinking of a question that I could ask her without upsetting her. Then I thought of one and I hope she doesn't get mad at it. "If you don't want to talk about it, that is okay. But why do you ask for everything?" I asked very cautiously. "What do you mean?" "Like instead of just going for a kiss you ask for one." "Oh that," she said as I felt her tense up a little bit. "Angel, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to." "No, it's fine, you need to know, and it will come out at some point."

I looked down when I felt Angel go to the buttons on my shirt. I watched her unbutton a few and then stick her hand in my shirt so she was touching my skin. I just smiled down at her before I kissed her head. I have noticed since this started, she will listen to my heartbeat, put her hand over my heart or touch my skin to keep herself calm. I won't tell her no and if she still does it after all this is over, I'm fine with that. Whatever helps her because I know there are different things at different times that help when you are upset or trying to not panic. I heard her take a deep breath before she started to speak. "Do you remember me telling you that there are times when I don't see you but those guys?" "Yes, I remember." "Well, when they had me for that week. They ummm....well they.....forced me to do everything. If I asked, then I would get punished. I had to do what they said only, and I wouldn't get hurt. So, when you asked me a question, I saw those guys not you so I would freeze. It would scare me because I thought I was going to be forced to do something again. It is the most awful thing to be forced to do something that you don't want to do. It is almost like all of you is being ripped from your hands. Then when I would see you not them, I would still get scared that you would do the same. I know now that you wouldn't, and I think that deep down you wouldn't but at the moment I just didn't know."

"That makes sense and no I wouldn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do." I told her before I kissed her head. She let out a sigh before saying, "I hated that week with everything in me. What they did. What they said. All of it, I hated it so much. David, I hated it." She then put her face on my chest as she cried. I kept my hand on her neck as I said softly, "I know you did Angel. But it's over now, you are safe and sound." "If it's over, then why do I still see the images? Why do I still see them? Why do I still hear their voices?" She said through the tears. She then sat up to look at me when she asked, "Why do I see them instead of you and I hate that more? I want to see you and not them." I brought my hand up to move some hair from her safe as I said, "Honey, you still see it and hear it because you are processing it. It is all coming out so you can move on from it completely. Over time it will all slowly go away, and you won't see them or hear them anymore."