Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

Closure

"You're right and I am scared, very scared." I heard her say in a low voice. I walked over to stand in front of her as I saw that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. I put my hands on her shoulders as I said, "Angel, I know that you are scared to face it but if you don't face it then you won't be able to move past it." She was playing with her fingers as she said, "I know but...." "But what honey?" "How can I face it when I'm the one that got her killed?" She asked as she looked up at me. "Angel, listen to me. You didn't kill her they....." She interrupted me by shouting, "I did kill her, and I didn't keep my promise to her. So don't stand there and tell me that I didn't kill her because I did." "Angel." She again interrupted me by pushing my hands off of her, turning around and running her hands in her hair. She was now facing the gravestone as I could tell that she was starting to cry again.

"You see, there was something that...." She trailed off as she took in a sharp breath. "There was something that I never told anyone about to this day. The night before they ummmmm right before...." She shook her head, and I could tell that she was having a hard time saying what she was trying to say. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was trying to give herself some comfort. "The night before it all happened, the little girl, Angela. Angela and I had a long talk that night. She couldn't sleep and she couldn't stop crying. So, we started to talk about all kinds of things. Her house, her parents, her dog and the dreams she had. She wanted to be a doctor and help sick people. When I asked her why, she told me that her little sister got sick when she was only a year old and then she died when she was 2. Ever since then Angela wanted to be a doctor but then she said that with all that happened to her no one would want her as a doctor. It broke my heart to hear that and told her that what she went through was more of a reason to be a doctor. I told her that she would make it out and then she could follow her dream. She then cried herself to sleep that night."

At this point Angel was standing in front of Angela's gravestone looking down at it. She took another breath as she continued, "I watched her sleep that night and only hoped that we would get out of there the next day. But when I woke up the next morning she was gone. Then they....they killed her. The next thing I remembered I was in the warehouse with the officer that was bleeding to death next to me. I was bound and determined to get him out of there alive. So, I did what I could to get free, I made sure he was alive and then I disarmed a bomb I found. We then made it out alive. But you want to know what the worst part of it is? I never got to say goodbye." With that she fell to her knees as she started to cry harder.

I was in tears as I stood there listening to all that Angel was saying. "Angela I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't keep my promise to get you out of there. I'm sorry that you didn't get to be a doctor. I know you would have been the best doctor in the world. I would have come to see you like we had talked about. I would have helped with anything you needed, and you know that. Oh, Angela why, why didn't they take me instead? I would have taken your place in a heartbeat so you could have followed your dreams. I'm so sorry Angela I'm so sorry. I wish I could have said goodbye and I'm so sorry I didn't get the chance to say that. I never thought I would have to say........I'm so sorry please forgive me." Angel put her hands over her face as she started to uncontrollable crying. I walked over, got on my knees next to her as I pulled her in to hold her as she leaned into my arms and grabbed my shirt. My heart is breaking to see her like this but at the same time she is facing it. Now she will be able to move on and live with it without it ruling over her.

What seemed like hours, the sob became less and less. Angel was starting to calm down but not letting go just yet. She let go of my shirt so she could wrap her arms around me better as I moved some hair from her face. "Why does it still hurt so much?" I heard her ask as her voice cracked. "It is because it is all finally coming to a head, and you are getting it out. It will only get better from here I promise you that." I told her. She just buried her face on my chest as I heard her say, "I'm so tired." "I know honey, are you ready to go home or do you need some more time?" I asked as I messaged her head. "I want to go home but maybe..." she trailed off. "Maybe what Angel?" "Maybe we could come back some time." "Angel, we can come back anytime you want to." She nodded as I helped her up. She gripped my shirt as she closed her eyes tight. "Are you dizzy?" I asked as she nodded yes. After a moment she opened her eyes as she looked up at me and I could see how tired she was. She nodded as I put my arm around her waist and took her hand as she leaned on me so she could walk.

As we turned around, I saw a couple that was standing not far from us. The man asked, "May we help you?" "No thank you we were just leaving." I answered. "Did you know Angela?" the woman asked. "I was with her the last week she was alive." I heard Angel say softly as she kept her head down. I rubbed her side as I heard the woman gasp and say, "Are you Angel?" Angel looked up as she nodded at them. The woman walked over to us with tears in her eyes and then she brought her hand up Angel's face. "I had only hoped and prayed that one day we would meet you." She said as Angel looked at her confused and then said, "Why did you want to meet me, and may I ask who you are?" "I'm Carol and this is my husband, John. We are Angela's parents and we wanted to meet you one day to say thank you." "Why did you want to thank me? I didn't do anything." "Oh, but honey that is where you are wrong. You became friends with Angela that week and helped her through it even though she didn't make it out." Angel shook her head as she gripped my hand tighter trying to make sense of it. I tightened my grip on Angel's waste to remind her that she was not alone. 

Angel looked up at Carol as she said, "How did you know that if she didn't make out alive?" "The office that helped you told us that you were there with her the whole way." "Yay, I was there but it wasn't nice at all," Angel said as I could hear her trying to stay calm. "Yes, we know some of the things that were done to Angela, but we also know that it wasn't easy for you as well. You endured so much that time as well and I can only imagine what you might have gone through," Carol said as Angel just looked down. "But I didn't keep my promise," Angel said as her voice cracked. "What promise was that honey?" Carol asked. "I promised to get her out of there alive." Carol reached out to take Angel's hand as she said, "Angel, please listen to me because what I'm about to say is not going to be easy to hear but you need to know this. At the time that all that happened, you were sixteen years old. It was you two girls against six grown men. There was nothing that you could have done differently to get free."

Angel looked up at Carol with tears in her eyes as she listened to what she had to say. I felt Angel let go of my hand as she reached out to Carol as she pulled her into a hug. "Oh, my child, it will be okay." "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." "Shhhhhh Angel, there is no need to be sorry. We are just happy that you made it out alive," Carol said as Angel just cried in her arms. "Please forgive me." "Angel, we all forgive you." Angel looked up at her and asked, "All?" Carol pushed some hair from Angel's face as she said, "John, me and Angela." Angel lost it as Carol pulled back into her arms as she said, "Let it out my child, let it out." I stood there with tears of my own as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see that John had walked over to us. I tried my best to give him a smile, but it didn't come out. He just nodded as I looked back at Angel and Carol. Angel looked like a little girl being held by Carol and Carol looked like she was holding her daughter. In a way I feel like that is what Carol is doing, Angel was the last person to see her alive and so in a way this might be a goodbye for her as well.

Angel pulled away to look at Carol as she asked, "May I ask what brought you here today?" "Today Angela would have been twenty-six." "It was her birthday?" "Yes Angel, today is her birthday. That is why we brought her flowers." Carol held up the flowers for Angel to see. "Angel, would you like to help me put them in her grave?" Angel nodded as Carol smiled at her. They both held onto each other as they walked over to the tombstone. They both held the flowers as they laid them on the ground. Carol then turned around to face Angel before she said, "Sweetie, you are going to be okay and I'm very happy that we got to meet you." "I'm happy I met you as well but...." "But what?" "I don't know if I'm ready to let go." "Angel, I understand that and letting go takes time. Give yourself some time and it will all work out. I have an idea, how about I give you my phone number and then if you ever need to talk or need help you can always call me. How does that sound?" Angel nodded as she said, "Yes please." Carol had John write down their numbers and then gave it to Angel. "Call anytime sweetie." "I will thank you." They gave each other a hug before we told Angela's parents goodbye.