Starsky and Hutch: Too Close To Home

Damaged Goods

She started to calm down and breathe normally again. I know she is still upset but in time she will be back to know, I just know it. "Is there anything I can get you or do for you?" I asked her very softly. "Can I have the hot bath like the doctor was telling us about?" she replied but there was a lot of caution in her voice. "You sure can," I told her as I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. I sat her on the toilet as I started the water running to fill the bathtub. I got the Epsom salt from under the sink and added some in to help her relax her muscles. While the bath was willing up, I turned to look at Angel. I saw that she was only looking at the water as I bent down to her level. "Angel, I need to take the bandages off so you can let the water help your muscles." I said softly.

She then turned to look at me with a look of fear and panic was starting to set in again. I reached up, put my hand on her leg as I smiled at her. I could feel that she was shaking a little bit but then just nodded for me to do the work. She lifted her arms so I could take her shirt off and then she put her arms across her body as if she was trying to hide herself from me. I got back down on my knees in front of her, put my hands on her arms and rubbed my thumbs over her arms. I saw that same look I saw when we were in the hospital when Jill was showing me how to bandage her back up. She slowly moved her arms out of the way so I could get the bandages off and she again looked up at the ceiling while I took them off. I was very careful to take them off and doing it slowly so I wouldn't hurt her. Once they were off, I could still see the wounds and bruises. They looked the same, but I know over time it will heal up all the way. I then helped her get ready to get into the tub as she slowly put one foot in. She leaned on me as she said, "Hang on, please hang on." I held on, "Take your time sweetie." I heard her let out a sigh and then she nodded to let me know she was ready to get in. Once she was in, I helped her lay down and her eyes closed as the water surrounded her.

I stayed there for a moment before I stood up and I heard her say, "Where are you going?" I turned to look at her and I saw the panic again. "I'm going to throw this bandage away, get the new one ready and then I'm going to get you some fresh clothes for when you get out." I said softly as she nodded. I then did as I said I would and walked back into the bathroom. Angel had her eyes closed and it looked like she was sleeping. I went to sit on the toilet when I heard, "Can you please sit on the floor?" I got up, sat on the floor as I thought she just wanted to be able to see me better if she needed anything. I sat with my knees pulled to my chest as my arms rested on my knees as I watched Angel. She still had her eyes closed as she looked so peaceful and relaxed. I then saw another tear roll down her cheek as my heart broke again. I wish she would just get some peace for once and I know it is only day two, but it feels longer. "Angel," I said. "Hmmmm." "What are you thinking about?" I asked her. I know that is a loaded question and at this time it can be dangerous to ask but I thought I would try to get her to talk to me.

She let out a sign as she opened her eyes but didn't look at me. I could see that she was trying to decide if she wanted to talk or not and I hoped that she would. She let out another sign before she said, "I don't really know what I'm thinking." "Well can you tell me what you are thinking that has you tearing up again?" "I want their voices out of my head!!! I want to think!!! I want to relax, and I can't!!! I hate this!!!!" she spoke very loudly, and I could hear that frustration in her voice. "Honey, it will take time before it clears up, but it will." "Time!!! That is all everyone tells people that are broken, hurting and damaged goods. Give it time and it will get better. Give it time and it will all go away. Give it time and, and they are dead wrong. Time does nothing but makes it all worse and that is why people hide what they are dealing with because it is a lot easier to not face it than to give it time!!!!!!" My heart broke as I heard her say those words. I understand where she is coming from because time doesn't always fix it but does, she really believes that she is broken and damaged goods. I sat up more to lean on the tub as her eyes got wide to watch my moves. "Angel, do you really think that you damaged goods?" I asked her as I looked her in the eyes.

"Well look at me!!! I can't really walk, I can't do anything for myself, I can't think straight, and you ask if I'm not damaging goods. Really??? I look awful, I look ugly, and I can't stand for you to see me like this!!!!!" she said as tears rolled down her cheeks and she hit the water that splashed me in the face. I reached out to take her hand that she tried to take away from me, but I wouldn't let her. Once I had a firm grip on her hand, I made her look at me. "Angel, listen to me." I spoke as my voice cracked. "You are not damaged goods; you are not ugly, and I don't see you as awful. I see a beautiful woman that needs help. I see a beautiful woman that needs healing, love, care and support. I know you don't want me to see you like this but I'm just happy that you are alive and living. I can't live without you, and I love you far too much to let you go. What those jerks said to you is not who you are!!!!! I mean it Angel; those words are not who you are." She just looked at me for a second before she leaned up to pull me in for a hug. "I'm so sorry, I'll try my best to not believe those words," she said through the tears. "Honey, I'll be here with you to help get them out of your mind for good. Now, how about we get you out of here, so you don't turn into a prune?" She nodded as she pulled back and then looked at me with a smile on her face. "What?" I asked. "I don't think you thought you would take a bath as well." she said with a small chuckle. I looked down to see my shirt was wet from her holding onto me. I smiled, then looked back at her and said, "Well no I didn't but I don't mind getting wet if it means I get to hold you." She just smiled and shook her head. My heart was happy because for just a moment she smiled and chuckled. That is a step to healing and I hope we have more of those.

Getting her out of the bathtub was slow and steady. Yes, the water helped but she is still so sore from it all that it will take a few days before she can start moving on her own. I got her rebandaged and dressed. While I was helping her get dressed, I saw the look of pain on her face, so I asked, "I'm hurting you?" She shook her head no as she gripped my shirt. "My side," she said as she leaned forward and started to cry. I picked her up, carried her to bed and laid her down. "I'll get your medicine," I told her as I got up. I got it from the kitchen, when I got back into the bedroom, I saw that she had her head buried in the pillow and she was gripping the sheets. I sat on the bed as I offered her the medicine. She shook her head no as I looked at her concerned. "Angel, will you please take the medicine?" She turned to look at me and I could see the tears that rolled down her cheek. "No, I don't want to take it." she said through the pain. "Angel, it will help you and it will ease the pain. Why don't you want to take it?" "I don't want to take it because I want to feel the pain. Plus, I don't want my body to get used to the medicine." "Honey, I know you don't want to get used to the pain, but it has only been one day. Will you please take the medicine?"

She then looked at me and I knew what was coming so I beat her to it. "I won't make you take it if you don't want to. I'll just keep it on the table in case you change your mind." I said as the look in her eyes softened. I leaned over to put it on the table as she said, "Can you please rub my side? Not too hard but lightly." she said as I heard the pain in her voice. "Yes, I can do that, where on your side would you like me to rub?" I asked her. She reached for my hand, once she took it, she put my hand on her left side and then she gripped my arm as she winced in pain. I started to message her side very carefully as I talked to her. "Shhhhh.......easy Angel.......it will be over soon." I said softly. She then reached for my other hand and squeezed it as the pain got worse. I started to hum to her as I hoped it would keep her calm. After a few moments, her grip loosened on me, and she started to breathe normally again. She kept her eyes closed as I thought she had fallen asleep. I stopped messaging her side when I heard, "Please don't stop." I smiled as I started massaging her side again. She was almost asleep when she would open her eyes and then close them again, she would do this several times. "Angel, it is okay to go to sleep. You are safe, I'm here and I love you." I told her as she nodded, and with that she was out.