The morning after our kiss, I awoke in the greatest mood of my life. Last night was a blur, but it still felt like I was floating on a cloud. The way Harry made me feel was unreal. I had constant butterflies in my stomach when I was around him.
It had all happened so fast. On night, we’re sitting on a rock together and before you know it, Harry is sleeping at my house. All we did was sleep, but still. I was in a whirlwind and I wondered if this caught him as much off guard as it had to me.
The urge to kiss him came over me so fast and I couldn’t ignore it.
And the way that Harry kissed me back…there was such a hunger in his movements. No matter how he was feeling right now, he couldn’t deny that there was something special in that kiss.
I couldn’t deny it either. There was something special in him. I wanted nothing more than to have that forever; that feeling that I got when he was hear me was something that I decided I couldn’t lose. I still couldn’t tell how he felt though. Even though I saw his walls come down a bit last night, I was sure there was still a guard over his heart.
I didn’t want to hurt him. And with what was going on in my life right now, I wasn’t sure that I should let him get attached to me. Or me to him. My life was too unpredictable at this stage. I didn’t want to hurt him like so many others had.
I rolled over to face Harry, who was already awake and looking at me.
“Mornin’,” I greeted him with a yawn.
“Good morning,” he replied. God, his morning voice was unreal. It was so raspy and deep, it gave me chills. He was so sexy.
I gazed at him for a moment, my head propped up on my hands. When I looked at him though, I realized that this could never be what I wanted it to. If I let it get that far, it would only end badly on both of our ends and I didn’t want that. Especially not for Harry. He deserved so much more.
I looked away from him. Looking at him made it feel a little worse. God, I didn’t want to hurt him.
“Niall, what’s wrong?” He sounded concerned. If only he could read my mind.
I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest and brought my chin to my knees. This was the only position that made me comfortable when I got these feelings; it felt as if I was comforting myself. I wanted to explain what happened the night before. I owed harry that much.
“Um…Harry…about last night,” I started, still looking away from him.
“What about it?” He asked, his eyes not looking away from me, not even for a second.
“Um…I’m sorry if I rushed this…I don’t want to take this too fast. Truthfully, I’m not even sure what this is.” It was so hard to get out. I wanted to be with him more than anything but I couldn’t get past myself.
I finally looked at Harry; he had a look of pure confusion on his face. I knew he had retreated back into his own head. He must feel safe there. He hid there a lot, from what I could tell.
“What do you want it to be?” He whispered so quietly I could barely hear him.
“I…” I knew, but my head wouldn’t let me say it.
“Niall…” I looked up at Harry. I felt a solitary tear start to form on my face. I didn’t want him to see me cry, especially if he couldn’t know the reason. He wouldn’t want to be with me if he knew.
“I know what I want it to be, Harry, but I’m scared.” My heart overruled my head and allowed my mouth to split the words out.
“What are you so scared of, Ni? I’m not going to hurt you.” Harry inched closer to be, leaving a small space between us.
I shook my head as more tears began to cascade down my cheeks. “That’s not it. I’m not scared that you’ll hurt me. I…I’m terrified that I’ll hurt you. I don’t know what this will turn into, but you’ve already obviously gone through a lot and I don’t want to add to that.” I couldn’t stop crying.
As the tears fell, Harry pushed my chin up so that I was looking him right in his emerald green orbs. Even though my vision was blurry, I could still make out every one of his perfect features that graced his face.
He wiped a tear from my cheek and gave me a small smile.
“Niall, you can’t be so worried. I’ll be ok. I’ve always been ok. With those other things that happened in my life, I managed just fine. I’m not going to let you sacrifice this because of me.”
I nodded, looking at the mattress.
“I think we should take this slow,” Harry suggested. I was so scared of hurting him, but if Harry was convinced of what we had, then I couldn’t deny him any longer. I just hoped that everything was going to be okay in the end, even though the chances were slim.
Very slim.
Harry pulled me into his chest and wrapped me tightly in his arms. All I could think of, as I buried my head in his chest, was how much I was beginning to love this boy. He was starting to take hold of my heart. And I wanted nothing more than to give it to him. Things were heavenly when I was with him.
But that could turn to hell in an instant if he found out what I was keeping from him.
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Promise Me (N.S.)
Fanfiction“Promise me.” I couldn't look at him. My eyes were blinded by tears. He said it again; his voice was laced with desperation. “Promise me!” “I can’t!” “Why? Why cant you?! Give me one good reason!” “Because then that would mean that this is happening...
