Philophobia | Shin Soukoku (slow updates)

4.

Atsushi didn't understand why Akutagawa's words had hurt him so much because what he said wasn't exactly a lie. Maybe it was that feeling of rejection that tore into his chest after the dark-haired boy opened his mouth? Or maybe it was his mind reminding him that he wasn't good enough to be anyone's friend?

Whatever the reason, Atsushi still found himself muttering something ridiculous about how he should go and he slowly walked away.

A gentle hand landed on his shoulder, stopping him briefly in his tracks and he turned around to look at Higuchi.

“Are you okay?” Atsushi glued his eyes to the ground in reply, fighting back the tears that were planning to spill out from behind his eyes. “I'm so sorry about what Akutagawa said to his sister, he's not usually this rude. It's just—he has this odd habit of pushing people away but he's never said anything like that before. I can speak to him for you if you'd like?”

Atsushi slowly shook his head and gave Higuchi a sad smile. “You really don't have to do that. It's only my first day, so I'm sure that he just needs some to get used to me.”

Higuchi stared at him with slight surprise, wondering how he could manage to remain so nice. If something like that had been said to Higuchi she probably would have lashed out or merely ignored Akutagawa for as long as she could.

“Are you sure?” She asked in concern, removing her hand from his shoulder. Atsushi nodded gently, his lips pursed together. “Okay. Do you want me to walk you home or...?”

“No, I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Higuchi.”

They waved goodbye to each other and Atsushi walked away from her, the smile dropping from his face.

Atsushi was used to people not wanting him or simply abandoning him but every time that it happened, it always managed to hurt. Shouldn't he be used to this now? It's not as if it was something new.

Akutagawa didn't even have to like him, he just had to be nice if he could.

A sigh passed his lips as he realised how ridiculous his thoughts sounded in his head and cleared his head for the rest of his walk. When he finally reached that familiar traditional Japanese house, Atsushi walked towards it and slid the door open.

“I'm home,” he called out while slipping off his shoes and sighed when he received no answer. As he put on a pair of slippers, he saw a familiar pair of black sneakers by the door.

Atsushi frowned in annoyance and released a sigh when he saw the kitchen in a mess, cupboards open and snacks scattered all over the counter. “You could have at least cleaned up after yourself.”

The head of brown hair that had been peeking over the couch turned around, a mischievous glint in their brown eyes. “Aww, don't be like that, Atsushi-kun. I knew that you'd do it anyway.”

“What do you want, Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked while wiping down the counters and closing all of the cupboards.

Dazai turned his attention back to the TV and stuffed a cookie into his mouth. “Fukuzawa-san went on a date with Mori-san so he asked me to keep you company,” he explained with his mouth full.

Atsushi cringed in disgust and placed his school bag on a kitchen chair. “I don't need a babysitter...” he mumbled.

“I know that you don't.” The white-haired boy walked around the couch and plopped himself next to Dazai, laying his head on his lap. “How was school?”

“It was okay,” Atsushi hummed as a hand slowly stroked through his hair. A frown developed between his brows as he remembered Akutagawa's words. “Dazai-san? Am I a likeable person?”

Dazai contemplated his answer for a while, his brows furrowed together. He liked Atsushi and found his presence uplifting, even with his several moments of sarcasm. So, he replied with the first thing that came to mind, “Yes.”

Atsushi sighed and buried his face against Dazai's leg, the older male frowning down at him. “Did something happen at school?”

“No, not really...”

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

Atsushi looked up at him with a raised brow, feeling wary of what he was saying. “I think I'll pass on that offer.”

Dazai rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he muttered and pulled out his phone. “Do you want me to order you anything specific?”

“Chazuke.”

“You'll get sick if you keep eating that stuff.”

“I don't care,” Atsushi replied with a small yawn, closing his eyes to take a nap.