Philophobia | Shin Soukoku (slow updates)

6.

Atsushi didn't join Akutagawa and Higuchi for lunch that day, not after what the dark-haired boy had said–and especially not after the way he had looked at him that morning.

That almost sad anger in his eyes had made Atsushi feel so incredibly small and he didn't know whether he should have bothered to continue his stroll to the gate. Dazai had managed to reassure him though, not knowing who the boy–that Atsushi kept mumbling about–was.

So, the white-haired boy was quietly sitting behind the school by himself, the bento box that Fukuzawa had made him sitting at the bottom of his bag.

Atsushi was grateful that the man had adopted him but he couldn't help but think that sometimes he didn't deserve it. That he should have just been forgotten. Atsushi was almost 18 anyway and was a few months away from being thrown out of the orphanage but the fact that Fukuzawa ignored all of that, made him even happier to go with him.

But that didn't stop his negative thoughts from worming into his mind and chewing away at his brain.

Atsushi felt that he didn't deserve many things and that wasn't true.

His stomach began to grumble softly.

The white-haired boy sighed and retrieved the bento box from his bag, opening it only to stare at its contents. It was the same lunch as yesterday and Atsushi had expected nothing less. Fukuzawa wasn't very big on cooking but he supposed that it was the thought that counts.

A tear fell onto his food and Atsushi began to furiously wipe away at them, a soft voice making him pause mid-motion. “You're sitting in my spot.”

The voice belonged to a short girl with dark hair, an emotionless expression on her face. She stared at him passively, almost as if the thought of having to make eye contact with him was tiresome but her gaze soon softened when she saw his tears.

Atsushi sniffled and began to stand. “Sorry, I'll leave if you want me to,” he muttered but a firm grip slowly pushed him back onto the ground. How is she so strong?

“It's okay, you can sit here. I've just never really thought someone would be here besides me,” she told him with a small shrug. “So, why are you here by yourself?”

The white-haired boy looked down, a small blush gracing his cheeks. “I just haven't made any proper friends yet,” Atsushi murmured while fidgeting with the straps of his bag.

Of course, Higuchi was his friend but she was also Akutagawa's friend and they had known each other a lot longer than he had been around.

The girl sat down with crossed legs, a soft hum echoing in her throat. A comforting silence buzzed in the air around them and Atsushi looked at her, taking in her blank features. “What about you?” She looked at him curiously. “Why do you sit alone?”

She frowned softly, that being the most emotion she'd shown since Atsushi began talking to her.

“I don't know. It's just...” the girl sighed before continuing, “It's just that most people want to be my friend because they think I'm cute but as soon as they get to know me, that effect slowly wears off on them. The more bad things you know about a person, the less attractive they start to seem.”

Atsushi absorbed every word that she said, realising that there are parts of his past that he might need to keep to himself. His years at the orphanage were the worst of his life and the thought of that terrible abuse made an icy shiver course through his spine.

“I'm Kyōka by the way,” she said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Atsushi.” They both smiled at each other and the white-haired boy opened up his lunch and offered her some, Kyōka accepting happily.

The bell soon rang for the next period and the pair parted ways–not before promising to meet up again after school.

Atsushi smiled as he walked to class, finally feeling like he made a friend.