Philophobia | Shin Soukoku (slow updates)

5.

The next day, Akutagawa waited at the school gate so that he could apologise to Atsushi and possibly explain what had come over him. He had almost backed but Higuchi lightly threatening him had convinced him to do it.

He didn't even know why he had even brought himself to do this but the thought of Atsushi looking so sad because of him made a sense of uneasiness bloom in his chest. It was clear that the white-haired boy had the pure intent of being his friend but Akutagawa couldn't possibly handle that. Being classmates was enough for him.

Akutagawa impatiently looked at his watch, seeing that 10 minutes had already passed with him just loitering at the gate. He began to pick up his feet to leave but stopped when he heard a voice that clogged his lungs with dread. A cough erupted from his throat and his eyes landed on that familiar handsome face.

“Dazai-san, you didn't have to walk me to school,” he heard Atsushi grumble to the tall brunet.

Dazai smiled brightly, bringing a bandaged arm up to ruffle the boy's already messy hair. “I know but shouldn't I spend more time with you since we're going to be seeing each other a lot more often,” he said as his hand was batted away.

Akutagawa watched Atsushi blush a deep red, his stomach curling with distaste and his hands shook lightly. “Don't be so weird, you'll give people the wrong idea...”

“Which is?”

“I—” Atsushi's face heated up even further. “Nevermind. I'll see you later.”

Akutagawa watched as he rolled his eyes and turned around to walk in the direction of the gate. The direction in which the dark-haired boy was standing.

Their eyes met for a brief moment and Atsushi awkwardly smiled at him only for Akutagawa to sharply turn and walk away. Atsushi, of course, was hurt by this but silently watched as he left, not bothering to call after him.

The dark-haired boy stormed his way towards his classroom, tightly holding the strap of his satchel between his pale hands. Akutagawa couldn't believe he had seen that bastard again, especially what he'd done to him the previous year.

Akutagawa at the time was only a second year in high school and he had finally mustered up the courage to confess to the brunet, even if he was in his first year of university. Of course, he had no high expectations of what the outcome would be but he hadn't thought the rejection would hurt as much as it did.

Dazai had rejected him in front of all of his friends, the words that tumbled out of his mouth burning worse than the stares that bore into his skin. Akutagawa had always known that Dazai could be a cruel and brash person but not to him. Not like that. Yet, he could tell that at least one of the friends had felt bad for him but he couldn't tell with the mop of black hair that had been covering their eyes.

Why did he have to see him again so soon...?

He finally reached the classroom and sat down at his desk, closing his eyes as he laid down on it. Higuchi witnessed his entry and walked up to him, a frown etched on between her brows.

“Hey, did you speak to Atsushi?” She asked warily, pursing her lips together when Akutagawa looked up, a pained look in his dark eyes. “Are you alright? Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Atsushi... He—,” Akutagawa bit his lip and looked away, “—was with Dazai.”

Higuchi watched as he laid his head back down on the desk, her brown eyes glancing down at him pitifully. “Did he see you?”

“No, he didn't.” He was too busy cuddling up to Atsushi to notice me.

“Well, if you need to talk, I'm right here.”

“Thanks...”

Akutagawa didn't understand how he felt at that moment and he doubted that he could even bring himself to tell Higuchi about it. But he was thankful that she was there for him. Now, it all came down to Atsushi.

Akutagawa knew that he had to apologise but the thought of doing it after seeing the white-haired boy with Dazai troubled him. Which meant that he had to apologise later, whenever that would be.

The dark-haired boy huffed to himself and sat up. I'll do it at lunch.