Jacqueline's Lesson In (Failed) Recovery

Attempts

"No!! Jacqueline, don't give up!" the nurse exclaims. I am crying as hard as humanely possible because I know it's too late. Olivia appears and says, with an odd firmness in her voice, "no. You're staying here, you can't make my mistake." "I already did." I say, trying to push past her. "No. You're stuck here." she says. I see a tear run down her face. "I'm sorry." I say, a tight feeling in my throat. "Her airway is closing, we have to call a code." the nurse whispers, but every sound is magnified. People rush in and try to reopen my airway. I see a man in white robes standing over them. "No!!!" I scream. He touches my limp body and I'm zapped back into my flesh. I blink a few times and look around. I gag on the plastic tube in my throat. "Guehfhgienf." I mumble, trying to speak.
"Naahhukrjg." I try to yell. Why doesn't anyone hear me? Why aren't I dead? Why was God at my bed side? Why did him touching me make me go into my body and wake up? "Helppp." I say, gagging on the tube. A nurse comes in and sees me awake. She drops what was in her hands and calls into the hall "she's awake, come quickly." People rush in happily. No one in my family comes in. Where's Meg and Wendy?! "Relax, sweetie." the nurse from when I almost left says as she pulls the tube out of my throat. I gasp for air. "Breathe......you're okay." she soothes. When I can breathe normally, I try to speak. "Where's my aunt and cousin?" I ask.
"They were on the way to see you when you first were taken to the hospital and the car they were in was struck by another car. Wendy died at the scene and Meg was quickly brought to the hospital. She lived through surgery, but later the second night, she died. We did everything we could to save your family, but they're gone. You're now in foster care." she says. That takes me by surprise. One second, I was being welcomed to heaven, the next my only non-abusive family was killed. I wipe my face, the weight of the tubes and monitors making it hard to reach my face. "I'm sorry." she whispers.
"Why didn't you let me die?" I croak. "I couldn't................you were so beautiful and young and you have such a bright future, I couldn't just let you die." she tries to explain. I wipe my tears and sigh. "Why couldn't you see I......can't stand
living?!" I ask. She smiles and says "I knew that was how you would feel when you woke up, but I couldn't just let you give up. Also, you have a visitor....she said she needed to see you when you woke up." I feel my stomach churn.
Evelyn comes in a few minutes later.
"Hey, Jackie. I'm so sorry about Meg and Wendy." she says. "It's not your fault." I mumble. "That's not what I meant. I meant I'm sorry this is happening." Evelyn snaps. I roll my eyes. "I know what you meant." I say bitterly. Evelyn smiles sadly and asks "why?" I look at her, confused. "Why what?" I ask, growing impatient. "Why did you try to kill yourself?!!" Evelyn yells, teary eyed and irritated. I decide to quickly change the subject, using her anger in a more....productive way.
"Why are you crying?" I snap, tearing up myself, for no reason. "I'm not crying." she lies, wiping her eyes, trying not to ruin her makeup. "Whatever." I mumble, staring out the window. I get out of bed, ignoring Evelyn trying to get me to lay back down. I open the window and step out onto the ledge. I look down, holding onto the window sill. Evelyn is yelling at me now, pleading with me not to jump. I close my eyes and let go of the window sill.
I gasp and open my eyes, gripping the window sill again, suddenly. "Jackie, get in here now!!" Evelyn yells, trying to pull me back into the room. I close my eyes again and throw myself off the side of the building. I scream as the wind rushing by my ears. I cry loudly, the tears being whisked off my face. I open my eyes to see the ground quickly approaching. I make impact, pain shattering through me.
Then, nothing.....there's nothing at all. I feel relieved and I hear angels. I see God, who turns away from me. I trudge down the staircase. The devil smiles sinisterly, pushing me into the fiery underworld. I fall, burning. I punch the ground and cry. "Why?!!" I scream, realizing what has happened. "Why did I do this?!!!!!" I scream as I finally realize.....there's no way out! I'm dead and there's no going back.