Jacqueline's Lesson In (Failed) Recovery

Epilouge(from Evelyn's POV[point of view])and author's note

I scream in horror. A few of my patients have committed suicide before, but never in front of me! I run down the stairs and outside to where Jackie fell. She isn't breathing. This is all my fault. I should have transferred her to someone who could help. More people rush outside and by now, there's a huge crowd forming. "Back up!" I order, pushing the crowd back. A doctor confirms my worst fears. "She's dead. She died almost instantly. She didn't hurt for more than a second." he says. That isn't true. She's hurt for an extremely long time, mentally. She probably only hurt physically for a few seconds......if she was lucky.
I go to my car, pushing past the crowd, so no one will see me cry. I slam the door and cry quietly. I can't believe I let her do this! I'm a horrible psychiatrist. Why do I even do this in the first place? Nobody accepts my help and I make everything worse......I even costed this little girl her life. I text Jess. "Jacqueline killed herself right in front of me." I send. She was already aware of the previous attempt and she had warned me something like this could happen, but I was sure nothing would happen......nothing like this.....I was so wrong. My phone rings with Jess' unique ringtone. 'Overcomer' by Mandisa plays as my phone vibrates.
I answer the phone and say "hey, Jess. What do you want?" Jess sighs to herself. "Evelyn, is everything okay? What happened with Jackie?" she asks, sounding a little worried. I bite my lip to keep tears from hitting my cheeks. "I was evaluating her and trying to figure out why she attempted to kill herself and she just.....got so upset. I had asked her why and she basically acted like she didn't kmow what I was talking about. I kinda....sorta snapped at her and she ended up screaming at me because I was tearing up because I was so worried.....then she jumped........she got out of bed and jumped out of the twelfth story window. I don't.............I don't.........it's my fault. I give up. Nothing I did helped her and she was impossible to communicate with. I should have transferred her to someone else who is better than me.....and better than you." I say, having to pause many times.
Jess gasps and I can hear this has effected her too by the way she talks. "Evelyn, you can't blame yourself. You're the best pediatric psychiatrist in the state and one of the top three in the country. If you couldn't save her, no one else could!! You did the best you could and it was her choice. You couldn't save her, I couldn't save her, no one could save her! Don't sit here and make yourself feel worse. She couldn't deal with it anymore, you know that. She tried recovery, it didn't happen fast enough for her and it was so painful. She's not hurting anymore. She's with her sister and things are okay now. Okay?" Jess says, her voice betraying her positive words.
I nod before remembering she can't see me. "Yeah." I say, feeling a little better. "Jackie was one of the most difficult patients I've ever had. She wasn't able to be convinced of anything, I couldn't communicate with her, she had the most violent mood swings ever......she was almost impossible. I say almost because I believe I could have helped her if she stuck around longer. Nothing could have gotten her to stay though, so I guess there's no way of knowing. It's on to the next client....trying to prevent this same thing from happening. Also, thanks Jess." I say, feeling so much better. "You're welcome, sweetie. I remember when you had a patient commit suicide for the first time. You were so sure you were a failure and you were convinced you couldn't help anyone else. You've come a long way." Jess says, laughing to herself.
"Okay, well......I have to go." I say, hanging up. I sigh. This wasn't my fault. Jackie just....had to go to feel better because her live here was so bad. This was a test that she failed, but she's in a better place.

Author's note: I hope this epilogue gives you amazing readers some sort of closure and a feeling of completeness in this story. I wrote this ending because I thought I should have a failure in recovery in my 'Lessons In Recovery' series. Just so you all know, if you want to read another book like this(hopefully with a better ending) the books are Veronica's Lesson In Recovery, Jacqueline's Lesson In(Failed) Recovery, and Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery. This book goes to show most people don't get happy endings and suicides happen a lot.......a lot more than they should. This hopefully teaches everyone to not expect happy endings and the warning signs of suicide. Hope you all enjoy this series!